HANTEI XXIII PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK
Hoshi Maseru "He graduated? I thought he was dead."	Hitomi President/Founder Yasuki Garou Fan Club	Kitsu Okura Smelly guy in the back of the Chemistry Lab talking to himself.

Kyuden Matsu was a scary place at night.

I sat in a tree next to Hoshi Maseru and stared out at the walls, trying to figure out what to do next.

"Sure is quiet," Maseru whispered.

"Too quiet," I replied, since you have to say that sort of thing when you're on an adventure.

It had now been quite some time, a few months (I'd lost track) since we'd left Otosan Uchi. Things had changed quite a bit since then. Now I was searching the Jade Empire for Toturi, the missing Emperor, who was changed into a small black chicken through an accident that was in many ways my fault. Recently, I had been captured by the armies of Hitomi the Dark Thunder and separated from my friends, Sanzo, Toku, and Matsu Agetoki.

Well, suffice it to say that Hitomi and I came to an agreement, (after my magical tattoo accidentally seduced her) and I'd been set free to continue my quest. Maseru the monk ran into me on the road and told me that my friends had returned to Agetoki's ancestral home to join the Lion army. Which brings me to the tree.

"Why are we hiding in a tree, Garou?" Maseru whispered.

"Because we're not supposed to be here," I said, "We're trying to sneak in."

Maseru blinked. "Why?" he asked, "Why don't we just go in the front door?"

"Because the Lions are marching on the Crabs," I said, "I'm a Crab. I might be at war with them. I'm thinking we should capture a Lion and ask him if he's at war with me or something."

"What if he doesn't know?" Maseru replied.

I stared at him blankly. "If the Lions don't know if they're declared war with the Crab, then who the heck WOULD know???"

"Er..." Maseru replied, shrugging uncertainly, "War's just funny that way."

"I see," I said dubiously, "So how are we going to sneak in?"

"Well, I figured we could go up to that wall there where there's no guards right now and throw a rope over," he said.

"Good idea," I said, "Got a rope?"

"Er... no," he replied, "I'm a monk. All I'm allowed to carry are my pants and my shoes."

I looked back at the castle again. "Well," I said, scratching my chin, "We could try to sneak in through the back entrance there. Where the servants are coming in and out with the laundry. We'll just disguise ourselves as peasants."

Maseru agreed that this was a good idea. We also came to the conclusion that it might be a good idea if I exchanged my hat and kimono (both of which featured several variations of the Crab clan and family mons) for something simpler, just in case one of the Lions in the castle knew whether or not they were at war with me. Unfortunately, the only farmer willing to trade his shirt for the meager amount of copper I had on me was wearing a sleeveless tunic. This left my new and rather uncontrollable Ise Zumi tattoo uncomfortably exposed. I hoped it wouldn't cause any trouble.

The two of us approached the gates. I stopped to hide my old clothes and tetsubo behind a tree. "Okay, Maseru," I said, "Here's the story. We're traveling salesmen."

"What are we selling?" Maseru asked.

"Medicine!" I said, patting the large satchel of Agasha magical potions Hitomi had given me.

"Ohhhh, Garou, I don't know about that," Maseru said, "Remember what happened last time."

I nodded, remembering. Agasha Tamori had, for some reason, neglected to label any of his potion bottles. Curious, Maseru and I had experimented one night on our trip to Matsu lands, sipping from each bottle to see what they did.

I had woken up naked the next morning, submerged to my neck in a barrel of maple syrup, my vision blurry and my memories of the previous evening mercifully obliterated. My underclothes were on the roof of a nearby sake house.

I found Maseru three days later, begging for coins on a street corner in Violence Behind Courtliness City, wearing a kimono made of stitched-together orange peels. He said that, unlike me, he remembered what happened quite clearly. He refused to discuss it.

Still, the potions were our best bet since we weren't carrying anything else worth selling. We approached the gate to announce ourselves.

"Name and business," said a sleepy samurai, leaning up against the doorway. His face was covered in the shadows of his helmet.

"I'm Kakita Garou and this is my servant, Maseru," I said, "We're two down on our luck ronin selling healing balms and ointments."

"Ointments, eh?" the guard said, looking up with one hand over his face, "What kind of ointments?"

"Er... skin moisturizers, wrinkle removers, that sort of thing," I said.

"Really! Gimme a bottle of one o' those," the man said, rummaging through his pockets for some coins.

I exchanged a worried look with Maseru, and tried to figure out a way to get out of this. Then I saw the amount of money the guy was offering us.

"Four silver!" I said, "Wow!" I hadn't had that much on me in months.

The man's face fell. "Not enough?" he asked, "I just got paid today, I could write you a check! Hang on." He went back into the castle.

"Garou, you can't sell that poor fellow one of those potions!" Maseru whispered tersely, "You don't know what they do! You could poison him!"

"Hey, we're out of food and we're out of cash," I retorted, "Besides, I'll give him one of the harmless ones..." I grabbed one of the bottles. "Here we go. Brother of Earth. Makes you immune to earth magic. Or something."

Maseru grabbed the bottle from me. "Are you sure this is Brother of Earth? How can you tell?"

"The bottle's shaped like a rock," I shrugged, "I *think* that was Brother of Earth." Come to think of it, *all* the bottles were shaped like rocks.

The samurai came back out of the castle, scribbling something in his checkbook.

"My friend," Maseru began to say to the guard, "I'm afraid we simply can't allow you--"

"How about three koku," he said, looking down, his face still hidden, "Is that enough?"

"--to go one more minute without Kakita Garou's fabulous moisturizer. Make it out to the House of Tao, please." Maseru snatched the money from the man and tossed him the bottle. The monk then quickly entered the castle.

The inside of Kyuden Matsu was amazing. Not tastefully decorated like the House of Tao, or fiendishly dark like the Dark Sanctuary, or monumentally frightening like Kyuden Hitomi. It was, well, pointy. Lot's of swords and spears and knives and armor on display everywhere. Everywhere you looked was a display case full of weapons or stolen banners or massive tapestries depicting Lions disemboweling people. Whoever their interior decorator was, I don't think he had a very happy childhood.

"What kind of name is Ryozo?" Maseru mumbled, squinting at the check, "Sounds made up... Anyway, so where to now?" "Agetoki's room," I said, "In and out. If he's not here, we have no reason to linger."

"Yasuki Garou!" shouted a voice, "You old culpepper, you!"

"Nice sword," said a second voice.

I wheeled around, my hand on the hilt of the sword on my belt.

I was face to face with two men. One was big, muscular, and unshaven. The other was short and thin, with long, shiny black hair. I knew them. They were Matsu Hiroru, the White Ninja, and the famed ronin warrior, Ginawa. I'd met them both before. I'd stolen Ginawa's bloodsword and I met Hiroru at my senior prom.

"Boy, oh boy," Hiroru said, laughing loudly, his voice echoing off the walls of the silent castle, "Didn't expect to run into you here, you big cheesebasket! How's it hanging???"

"Shut up, Hiroru," Ginawa hissed, "We're supposed to be sneaking around here."

"Oh," Hiroru replied, still not whispering, "Sorry. I forgot."

"Why are you both dressed in gorilla suits?" Maseru asked.

That's when I noticed they were both dressed in gorilla suits, with little gorilla masks tucked under their arms.

How did I miss that?

It had been a long year.

"Hiroru's idea," Ginawa sighed, pointing at the grinning ninja with one thumb. "Said they'd be inconspicuous."

"It's worked so far!" Hiroru exclaimed, "They NEVER expect gorillas."

"What do you mean 'they?'" Ginawa retorted, "There is no 'they!' We haven't seen anyone so far! All the Lions are off killing Crabs!"

"Or helping them," Hiroru said, "Nobody knows."

"Yeah, what's the deal with that?" I interjected, "How can you have an army of fifty thousand people, samurai, ashigaru, peasant support personnel, all matter of craftsmen and followers, but none of them know what they're up to?

"Obviously, the Lions have a very sneaky army," Hiroru said, nodding sagely.

"Where'd you find gorilla costumes?" Maseru interrupted, his face a mask of curiosity.

"My mom made them for me," Hiroru grinned, "When she heard we were off on a quest to find the Emperor, she gave them to us."

"Hiroru!" Ginawa spat.

"What?" Hiroru replied.

"We're on a secret mission from Kachiko!" he snarled, "You're not supposed to tell anybody that we're trying to rescue the Emperor from Kolat Master and ex-Lion clan revered sensei Akodo Kage!"

"Sorry! Ex-cayUSE me for living," Hiroru sneered, waving Ginawa away from him.

By this time I was walking off down the hallway, Maseru a step behind. I really didn't feel like talking to Stormshadow the Discount Ninja back there and I was afraid Ginawa would try to take his bloodsword back.

"These stupid gorilla costumes are sweaty as hell," Ginawa snarled somewhere behind me, "I'm taking mine off."

"Mom's gonna be mad!" Hiroru replied.

We ascended the stairs until we got to the fourth floor of the castle, where I remembered Agetoki's room to be.

"Maybe we should have talked to them longer," Maseru suggested, "They might have known something about Toturi."

"I doubt it," I replied, "Ginawa's probably got his hands full trying to stop that ninja from wandering out a window. Besides, if they DID have any idea what happened to Toturi, they'd probably be pretty mad at me."

"I take it you don't like that Hiroru very much?" Maseru suggested.

"What kind of ninja wears all white?" I replied, "Where are you going to sneak? The arctic? No subtlety in that guy whatsoever. Likes to dress up in pajamas in public cause he thinks the chicks dig it. Doesn't surprise me that those gorilla costumes were his idea..."

"That's pretty mean, Garou," Maseru said, "Sounds like you two have some issues..."

"I don't want to talk about it." I turned to a door to my left. "This one's Agetoki's room." I knocked.

"Eh? Who is it?" said a voice I didn't recognize.

"My name's Garou," I said, "I'm a friend of Agetoki's..."

"Oh, come in, come in..."

I nodded to Maseru and opened the door. Inside, a middle aged man sat at a small table, poring over scrolls. A large tetsubo leaned against the wall behind him. He looked up and smiled.

"Hello, my friends," he said formally, "I am Kitsu Okura, Jade Champion. Matsu Agetoki's a friend of mine. I'm taking care of his cats and keeping his comic book collection up-to-date while he's gone. May I help you?"

"What's a Jade Champion?" I asked, feeling like I'd been out of the loop for awhile.

"I'm sort of the mack daddy of magic," he chuckled, grabbing his tetsubo in one hand, "I'm supposed to travel Rokugan looking for maho tsukai and denizens of evil."

"Then what do you do?" Maseru asked.

"Then I whack them with this stick thingy," he said.

"Sounds like what I-- er... I mean... sounds a lot like what the Crabs do already," I replied.

"Ah, yes," Okura replied, "but the Imperial Regent decreed that there should be an official government-appointed attendant to such duties. And I have been decreed as such."

"You."

"Yes."

"A Lion."

"Yessir."

"Have you ever even been to the Shadowlands?"

"I read a book about it," he smiled, "I'm sure I know what I'm doing, though."

"This is DEFINITELY a government-appointed position," I said. Maseru nodded.

"What do you mean?" Okura replied, looking a little miffed, "I beat up all the other candidates fair and square. I'm the strongest shugenja in Rokugan!"

"That's not Garou's point," Maseru replied, "It's a question of experience. For instance, have you ever SEEN an actual oni?"

Okura smiled again. "Why, yes. I have. Why, this one time--"

Suddenly the door to the left of Okura burst open and a massive green tentacled monster burst into the room. One long, writhing tendril of an arm coiled suddenly around Maseru and hurled him through the window. The monk yelped loudly as he fell to the courtyard sixty feet below.

"Oh, drat," Okura said mildly, blasted thing's gotten loose again.

The beast's three fiery red eyes focused on me.

"GAROU!" the monster roared, "I WILL FLOSS MY TEETH WITH YOUR SPINE AFTER WHAT YOU PULLED ON THE KAIU WALL, FLESH MONKEY!" the oni snarled. He grabbed at me wildly, and I quickly dove under a nearby table.

Okura calmly drew a scroll out of his kimono, read some words I didn't recognize, and drew a long black knife along his arm. The oni suddenly roared and drew back into the room beyond, slamming the door once more.

"Now then," he said, clearing his throat and putting away the blade and the scroll as if they were never there, "What can I help you with?"

"What the hell was that???" I exclaimed, crawling out from under the table.

"What was what?"

"THAT!" I said, pointing at the door, "The thing that just killed my monk!"

"No, hey, I'm okay!" Maseru said, climbing back in the window. His pants were a little torn up, and he had a black eye, but he was otherwise fine.

Okura just sort of folded his hands and cleared his throat, trying to avoid eye contact.

"You've got Oni no Akuma locked up in there!" I pressed, "I recognize the damn thing! It recognized me!!"

"Oh," Okura said, distracted, "Is that what that was?"

"Listen, you quack," I said, slamming Ginawa's bloodsword down on the table, "I don't know what the hell is going on in this castle. I don't want to know what's going on. This whole place is insane. Gohei goes on vacation and you people all go insane. I just want to know where I can find my friend Agetoki so I can leave."

"Er..." Okura wiped his brow, "He's wandered off on a quest of his own. Apparently, Kamoko's been looking for him."

"His ex-girlfriend?"

"Yes," the Lion replied, "Apparently she's been stalking him or something."

"Thanks," I said, backing away, "Let's go, Maseru."

We walked back out into the hallway. We heard another deafening roar, the splintering of furniture, and Okura yelling "Bad oni! Bad oni! Back in the box!"

We walked a little faster.

"So where to next?" Maseru asked, "After Agetoki and Kamoko?"

"No, I don't want to get in the middle of that," I said, "Those two can get pretty ugly. He'll find us when he gets everything settled. We'll go find Toku and Sanzo next. I just hope we can get out of this castle without anything stupid happening to us."

"What do you mean by stupid?" Maseru asked.

Then the door in front of me opened and Matsu Ketsui, leader of the Lion's Pride, stepped into the hallway.

"What in the name of Akodo?" she cursed, "How did you two get in here?"

Suddenly, my tattoo began to get very warm.

"THAT'S what I mean," I said, resigned.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Matsu Ketsui smiled, cocked her head, and licked her lips.

I glanced around desperately. All the other doors in the hallway were solidly closed, the stairs were behind her, and my back was to the fourth floor window. Ketsui sidled down the hallway toward us, a disturbingly sensual smile on her face. She was a tall, lithe woman wearing a skintight sleeveless leather bodysuit and blue warpaint on her face. The tattoo on my right arm grew extremely warm.

"What do we do now?" Hoshi Maseru asked, glancing back and forth from me to Ketsui.

"I'm thinking," I said, though I couldn't think of anything but 'how did she get away with wandering around the castle dressed like that.'

"You're Yasuki Garou, aren't you?" she asked, her catlike eyes narrowing, "I've heard of you, the one with all the Nezumi friends. I've always wondered how your rats would fare against my cats. Girls?"

The doors to her left and right opened, and a dozen more women trooped out, all dressed in a variety of slinky leather garments. The Matsu Lion's Pride Battle Maidens. They all looked at me as a cat would a particularly fat and slow mouse. The tattoo got a lot warmer.

"Um... you must have me mistaken for someone else," I said, laughing desperately as I took a step back. I tried to cover the infernal tattoo with my left hand and quickly snatched it back, burned. "Er, I'm his cousin. Kakita Garou."

"And I'm just a regular old monk," Maseru said, chuckling and leaning one elbow on a nearby shelf.

"We don't care about you," Ketsui said to the monk dismissively, "You can go ahead and leave."

"Oh," Maseru said, his face falling, "Drat." He sounded disappointed.

I glanced at Maseru. I thought all those monks were supposed to take a vow of chastity or something. Hoshi would certainly have been disturbed to see how the little guy was staring at those Lions.

"Kakita Garou, eh?" Ketsui said, an evil little grin on her face, "So you're impersonating a Crab then. I guess you'll have to be punished." She pulled a long whip out from behind her back.

That was enough of that. I turned around, jumped out the window, and hoped for the best.

The thin rice paper window shredded around me and I was airborne. I saw a cherry tree nearby and reached out for it, hoping I could just grab the edge of a branch, but I knew it was too far. I made peace with Osano-wo as I plummeted forty feet to the courtyard below.

And landed in a wagon full of hay.

I leaped to my feet with a start, glancing around fearfully and spitting out a mouthful of hay.

"Hey!" said the driver.

"Yeah, no kidding," I said, pulling a large stalk out of my ear and wading toward the edge of the wagon.

"Garou?" the driver exclaimed, turning around.

I did a double take. "SANZO??"

"Last time I checked!" he said, smirking, "I thought Hitomi ate you for dinner or something!"

"Virtually," I said dryly, climbing into the seat next to him.

"GAROU!" Maseru yelled from the window above, waving his arms wildly, "Run for it! I'll hold them off!"

"Hold who off?" Sanzo asked.

"Never mind, just get us out of here."

"Garou!" Ketsui shouted, pushing Maseru out of the way and leaning out the window, "Come back!" More Lion Battle Maidens crowded her on either side, ignoring the little grinning monk.

"You're running from them?" Sanzo exclaimed, "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I'll stop them, Garou!" Maseru shouted, grabbing one of the Lion samurai-ko around the waist and trying to wrestle her, "Don't worry about me!"

"Stop touching me, you weed!" she spat, punching him in the face. He dropped out of sight, his eyes rolling back.

"You remember my friend Chiaki Korasei, right?" I said quickly, wondering how long it would take for the Matsus to start jumping out the window after me. The way my tattoo was burning, not long. "I introduced you to him one time in Otosan Uchi."

"The Fox guy, right?" Sanzo asked, still staring at the Lions, "The really quiet little guy with the big Matsu wife?"

"Yeah, the one with the CLAW MARKS ON HIS FACE," I said grabbing Sanzo's collar and shaking him, "and that was just ONE of them!"

Sanzo glanced up at the twelve Matsus, nodded, and whipped the horse into a gallop. We barreled through the gates of Matsu Castle just as Ketsui started sounding the castle alarms, waking the rest of the Lions from their slumber.

"Hey, Garou," Sanzo shouted over the rush of wind and hooves, "Out of professional curiosity, just what did you do to those chicks back there? How did you get them all... into your stuff?"

"Nothing!" I shouted back, "It's this stupid tattoo Hoshi gave me! It seduces women. The wrong kind of women."

"Damn," Sanzo muttered, glancing over at my arm, "I knew I should have picked one of those up when he offered."

I sighed and shook my head. "Stop here!" I yelled.

The wagon skidded to a halt. I hopped out and grabbed my tetsubo, hat, and clothes from behind the tree where I'd hidden them earlier. I didn't stop to put them on, what with the disturbing number of lights appearing in and around Matsu Castle now. I threw the whole bundle into the back of the wagon, hopped back in, and we were off.

"So where have you been?" I asked Sanzo as I adjusted my hat, "I thought you and the other guys joined the Lion army or something."

Sanzo laughed. "Lion army. Yeah, right. That was Agetoki's dumb idea. Me and Toku hung around for about a week, then when Agetoki ran off after his ex I didn't have anything better to do so I decided to go look for the ogre bushi that killed my family and destroyed my home."

"Wow," I said, "So you finally got around to that."

"Yesiree!" Sanzo said proudly, "Found the guy, too! Biggest ogre I ever saw."

"So what happened?" I asked.

"Oh, he beat the living TAR out of me," Sanzo replied, "Check this out." He pulled open his shirt to show the big thick scars on his chest. I winced and looked away.

"Nasty," I said.

"He slapped the tattoo right off my face, too!" Sanzo added, pointing to his face. I had wondered where that had gone. "But it's all good. I got the Experienced trait now, so you guys can't hold that over my head any more."

"That's good," I said, having no idea what he was talking about. It worried me whenever my friends described themselves using numbers and stats, as if they were just characters painted on a card in some weird game.

"Anyway," Sanzo continued, "After I took care of that, I bought myself this nice cart, hooked it up to Musha, and decided to become a hay salesman."

"Where'd you get the money for a cart?" I asked, pulling my old shirt back on. It was good to have long sleeves again.

"I sold some stuff," he said evasively.

"You don't have anything worth money except Musha!" I replied, "And she's hooked up to the cart. What did you sell, Sanzo?"

"...Toku."

"You WHAT?" I exclaimed, "YOU SOLD TOKU??"

Sanzo shrugged, "Don't get all excited Garou, it's not like I gave him to the Bloodspeakers or anything, I found him a good home. Got a good deal for him, too. Naka Kuro's happy to get all the samurai he can these days and he doesn't ask too many questions."

"You. Sold. Toku. --Our friend Toku-- To the Phoenix Clan."

"Well..." Sanzo avoided eye contact, looking at the road for a while, "Yeah, I guess I did. Toku didn't mind, so I don't see why you're making such a big deal about it."

"Did he know you were selling him?" I asked.

Sanzo looked at me. "What do you mean by that?"

"Did he realize you were selling him to the Phoenix or did you give him one of your bull stories?"

"What 'bull stories'?" he retorted, hurt.

"Oh, I don't know," I said, "Maybe like that time you set Agetoki up on a blind date with the Ninja Shapeshifter and told him it was Otaku Kamoko."

"Now that was all in good fun," he replied, smirking.

"That's my point, though," I said, "You tend to, oh how do I say this, exclude the entire truth from people. What exACTLY did you say to Toku when you left him in Phoenix territory?"

"I... um...."

"Yes?"

"I told him to look for the Imperial Chicken there and I'd be right back."

The wagon rolled along in silence for some time. I couldn't believe it. I knew Sanzo could be sort of a jerk sometimes, but even this seemed beyond him. To use Toku's insane devotion to the Emperor (who, unknown to most of Rokugan had been transformed into a black chicken) as leverage to sell him to the Phoenix for a wagon full of hay. It WAS funny, I had to admit that but it didn't make it right.

"So where to next?" Sanzo asked after a while, "You wanna go to Crane Territory and try out that tattoo on the fine courtier chicas?"

"No, we're going to Phoenix territory!" I said, "Not that that's a half bad idea. But our first priority is to get Toku back!"

"Aw, man," Sanzo said, "They'll make me give back the hay."

"Listen, idiot," I said with forced patience, "You remember Hoshi's prophecy. We can't find the Emperor unless all of us are together. Me, Toku, Agetoki, and unfortunately that includes you too."

"Hey, Garou," Sanzo said, a little perturbed, "I don't see why you're mad at ME all of a sudden. I've done what I can. Not like you've been around."

"I was kidnapped by the Ise Zumi!" I shouted back, flinging out my hands in emphasis, "I've been sneaking into Matsu Castle!"

"Oooh, poor Garou, love slave of Hitomi and Ketsui. It's been rather hard on you, having the heavy burden of seducing the most powerful women in the Empire, hasn't it? Awwww," Sanzo gave a mocking frown, "I've been just wasting my time away trying to avenge my family and getting beaten senseless by ogre bushi!"

"Okay, okay, so I haven't spent all my time looking for the damn chicken either," I admitted. We were both quiet for a second. "But at least I didn't sell anybody!"

"You did leave that monk behind," Sanzo said, pointing a thumb back at the castle. I wondered how far behind us the Lions were. (I found out much later that the power of the tattoo wore off just about the time the whole castle got organized and asked Ketsui for orders. She just sort of coughed nervously, dismissed them, and headed back to bed.)

"That's different," I replied, "The Matsu didn't care much for him and besides Maseru can take care of himself. I swear, at least three times I gave that guy up for dead and each time he returned unscathed."

"Yeah," Sanzo replied, "It's like Death stalks a pace behind him or something."

"But always a step to slow," I finished.

"Hey, that sounded really cool," Sanzo said, "We ought to write that down later. It'd make great flavor text."

"Stop that!" I said.

We traveled on for several days. Finally, the lush grassy plains of the Lion provinces began to give way to the icy serenity of the Phoenix lands. Frost coated the ground and the trees, and the shadowy spectre of the mountains loomed on the horizon. I was still pretty angry about Sanzo selling Toku, so we weren't talking much, but at least he hadn't argued so far with going back to Isawa Palace and buying him back. "I'm still not giving back the hay," Sanzo promised.

A loud guttural roar split the night, and a monstrous shadow lurched into the road thirty feet in front of us. It raised one fist above its head, holding a shining katana. Sanzo stopped the wagon.

"What the hell is that?" I asked.

"That's the ogre bushi!" Sanzo said fearfully.

The monster gave a terrible, grating chuckle, and started to advance toward us.

"I thought you said you took care of it!" I said.

"I took care of the *situation*," Sanzo corrected, "And I DID so by running like a bunny. Looks like he caught up to me, though." Sanzo hopped out of the wagon and started to untie his horse.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm running away!" Sanzo replied, "You see the SIZE of that thing? Hurry up and get down here, Garou! There's room for two on Musha!"

"You can't keep running away from him!" I said, hopping out of the wagon. The ogre roared and took another step toward us, neatly slicing down a pair of bamboo stalks with his katana. "Hey, Sanzo," I added, squinting, "isn't that YOUR sword he's carrying?"

"Um. Yes. Sure looks like it," Sanzo said, fumbling with Musha's harness and not looking up.

"Sanzo, that's your katana! It's your soul! You can't just let a monster run around with it!"

"Well, he's not likely to give it back, if I ask, is he, Mister Judgmental?" Sanzo got Musha free and started to lead her around.

The ogre chuckled. I could tell he was waiting for Sanzo to get on his horse so he could run him down. I wondered if I could cast a Jade Strike in time, or if it would do enough damage to matter. It was a damn big ogre.

"Here, take this!" I said, throwing Sanzo my Bloodsword.

"What the heck is this?" he said catching it clumsily, "Isn't this that ratty old sword you're always carrying around? The one you stole from Ginawa? Neat." Sanzo shoved it in his belt, then turned around to get on Musha, but she was gone.

The ogre bushi was holding Musha, in one hand. I reached for my Jade Strike scroll.

Sanzo paled. "Hey!" Sanzo shouted, stepping toward the massive creature and getting in my line of fire, "That's my horse!" Musha was his favorite horse ever, and with good reason. She wasn't blind or lame or actually a goat like any of his previous horses. She was as dumb as a rock, but she was a good horse.

"Little Sanzo!" the ogre chuckled, his voice harsh and terrible, "I thought I killed you once! Come back when I'm done eating this horse and I'll be sure to kill you again." The horse just hung meekly in the ogre's hand, looking around, unaware of what was happening. It really was a dumb horse.

"PUT her DOWN!" Sanzo said, his hand on the hilt of the Bloodsword as he circled the ogre. Sanzo was really scary, certainly braver than I'd ever seen him. I hoped giving him that Bloodsword wasn't a bad idea.

The ogre bushi turned and looked at the relatively small samurai. "Oh, look," it said, "You have a new sword, too. I'll add it to my collection when I'm done." He lifted one thick leg into the air and threw it out into a kick, smashing the wagon and toppling it on its side. "What do you think of THAT?" the samurai taunted.

"Hey, that doesn't bother me," Sanzo snarled, "See the thing is, you can mess with my katana, it's just a hunk of metal. You can mess with my friends, they can take care of themselves. You can even mess with me, nobody likes me much anyway. But nobody. Nobody. NOBODY Messes with SANZO'S HORSE!!!!!!"

The ogre bushi cringed, Sanzo's berserk fury striking a hint of fear into its beady eyes. The samurai leaped into the air, the Bloodsword flying free of its saya arcing downward in a sideways slash, neatly severing the beast's arm and depositing Musha on the ground. She began eating grass.

The ogre looked down blankly at his severed stump, green blood spurting on the road.

"You chopped off my arm, Sanzo!" he said to the samurai.

Sanzo just growled, the bloodlust consuming him. He leaped at the ogre again. This time, the ogre stepped out of the way and kicked Sanzo in the back, knocking him into a tree headfirst. He slumped to the ground and lay still, the Bloodsword falling from his hand.

I unfurled the scroll I'd taken from my pocket. "Reflections of Pan Ku???" I exclaimed, "What the hell! That's not Jade Strike!" I had to organize my scroll pouch better. I tossed the scroll on the ground and kept looking for Jade Strike.

"To late, little Crab," the ogre bellowed, turning toward me, "Your spells will not save you now."

"Sympathetic Energies!" I exclaimed, tossing aside another one. Screw it, I'd cast the stupid spell without the scroll. I just hoped I remembered it. I held my hands before me in what I hoped was the appropriate mudra.

"Your magic cannot save you," the ogre laughed, "Your intelligence cannot save you, there isn't anything that can save you! Heh heh."

"STOP PARAPHRASING!" I shouted, angry, "I hate it when people do that! Get the quote right or don't use it!" He was ruining my concentration.

"Oh, yeah?" the ogre laughed, "And what are you gonna do about it?"

"Jade Strike," said a voice from behind the ogre. There was a bright green flash, and the ogre became the largest charcoal briquette I'd ever seen.

"Who?" I said in wonder, stooping to pick up my discarded scrolls. Alphabetical order. That's what I needed. I put it on my 'to do' list.

A very old man in blue robes with a tall blue hat stepped onto the road, smiling. "Greetings, Yasuki Garou," he said, "I welcome you to the lands of the Phoenix."

"Master Kuro!" I said, dropping into a low bow. Naka Kuro was the Grand Master of the Five Elements. I wondered vaguely what the greatest shugenja in Rokugan, and the most powerful of the three or four remaining Phoenix wizards was doing just wandering around the forest.

"I bet you're wondering what I'm doing wandering around the forest?" Kuro said, folding his arms in his sleeves, "Seems pretty unlikely, eh?"

Nearby, Sanzo groaned and sat up. "Wow!" he said, staring at the smoking dead ogre, "Did I do that?"

"No, I did," Naka Kuro said, annoyed, "You just got your butt kicked like you always do, Sanzo."

I had heard rumors that Naka Kuro knew everything. Apparently this was true.

"Thank you for destroying the ogre for us, Kuro-sama," I said respectfully, "If there's anything we could do to repay you..."

"Oh, that's not necessary," the old man said, waving a hand dismissively.

"No really," Sanzo said, "Garou's right. You really pulled our butts out of the fire back there."

"Oh it was no big thing," he laughed, "Any joe would have done the same."

"I don't know," I said staring at the crispy dead monster, "That ogre was tough. He would have killed us both for sure. Are you sure there isn't anything we can do for you?"

"Well." Kuro said, "There is one little thing?"

"What's that?" Sanzo asked, standing and brushing off his kimono, "Whatever it is, you got it!"

"Okay," Kuro said pertly, "Swear fealty to the Phoenix, then."

Sanzo and I looked at each other, startled.

"Asako Garou? Shiba Sanzo? Glad to meet you." Naka Kuro clapped his hands together, walked over, and put his arm around my shoulder. "Hey, Garou, you know we've got an position open for a good Master of Earth..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

The kimono didn't fit me very well, and orange certainly wasn't my color.

"You look great!" Naka Kuro assured me, "A regular Phoenix! A real Master of Earth! Wait till I tell the others. Sanzo, how are you doing over there?"

Sanzo looked up with a grimace, holding his helmet in his hands. "Do I have to wear all these fruity feathers?" he asked morosely.

"They're all part of the look," Naka Kuro replied, frowning.

"I look like a blasted Crane," Sanzo spat.

"You look like a Phoenix!" Kuro said happily.

We were in a small village just outside the Ruins of Isawa Castle, deep in the Phoenix lands. While looking for our friend Toku (who Sanzo had sold for a wagon full of hay) when we were ambushed by an ogre bushi. We would have been killed if not for the timely intervention of Naka Kuro, the Grand Master of the Five Elements. He asked for only one small favor in return: that we both swear fealty to the Phoenix Clan.

I wondered vaguely if this would interfere with our timetable for finding the missing Emperor.

"So," I asked, "When's the Oath of Fealty?"

Naka Kuro looked perplexed. "We already did that, Garou," he said, "Don't you remember?"

"Um... no," I said.

Sanzo scratched his head. "Was it the part where you tricked us into agreeing to be Phoenixes in return for killing the ogre?"

"No it was the stuff right after that," Kuro replied.

"What stuff?" Sanzo said.

"You know. I said, 'Who's the groovinest?' and you said 'Phoenix.' Then I said, 'Who's the niftiest?' and you said 'Phoenix' again. Then I said, 'Which great clan is the pimp daddy mack of them all?' and then you answered 'Phoenix.' That was it. That's all."

Sanzo and I looked at each other. "I don't remember that," we both said.

Kuro blinked. "We didn't do that part? Oh, pooters, well sometimes I forget. I've been doing so many of them lately. Well, don't worry about it."

"I always imagined the Oath would be a little more formal than that," Sanzo said, "With some kind of ritual blood letting or something at the very least."

"Oh, yes, you're quite right," Kuro said, "We changed the rules a little bit. Made the whole affair simpler. After all, we can't exactly afford to be too choosy right now, eh, Shiba Sanzo? Eh, Asako Garou?" Kuro winked conspiratorially. "Anyway, I've got a little more work to do here in the village. You boys go on ahead to the castle and meet everyone. I'll be along shortly." The old wizard smiled and bowed and made a beeline for the nearest geisha house, leaving us to our thoughts.

"So what do you think, Sanzo?" I asked.

"Ahem," Sanzo said, "That's SHIBA Sanzo."

"You aren't really going to go through with this?"

"I dunno, Garou," Sanzo replied, "You've always been a Crab, so fealty's a big deal for you. But me? I've never had a clan before. I kind of like it." He looked at the feathery thing in his hands. "Well, except for the helmet."

"You've never had a clan?" I asked, "I always thought you were a Dragon, what with the gold and yellow kimono and the tattoo and all."

Sanzo shrugged again. "Could be. I dunno. Remember, my parents were killed by that ogre bushi when I was very young. I was raised by wombats."

I glared at him. "You made that up."

"Hey, guys!" called out a voice from down the street. We both turned. A rather short, stocky samurai was running toward us, wearing bright yellow and orange armor.

"Toku!" I shouted, smiling, "We've been looking all over for you!"

"Garou!" he shouted back, "You're alive! Oh, and it looks like Kuro got you too."

"Yeah," I replied, looking down at my fresh orange kimono. I missed my dirty old blue one. At least they let me keep my hat, though they pasted a poorly drawn Asako family mon over the Yasuki carp and chrysanthemum. "We're both Phoenix now," I added.

Toku shrugged. "Don't feel too bad," Toku said, "They've been doing this to everybody."

I looked around. It was true. Almost everyone was wearing Phoenix colors, and those that weren't were in constant danger of being unwittingly recruited. I noticed all the rickshas had changed their prices from one silver to 'One Oath of Fealty to the Phoenix Clan' (which of course wasn't mentioned till the ride was over), all the bathrooms were cunningly labeled "Phoenix Only," and (in what I thought was the most ruthless ploy of them all) many young samurai children were running about the streets playing a game they were calling "Fealty Tag." I wasn't exactly sure what the rules were, but they sounded like they were playing pretty fast and loose with the rules to me, and tagging everyone in sight. Which I guess wasn't so bad a thing. When nine tenths of your clan gets blown to ashes by a maho-tainted maniac, you have to do what you can to replenish your staff.

"This is nothing," Toku smirked, "Wait till tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" Sanzo asked.

"Fealty day. Everybody in the city who participates in the celebration will become an official member of the Phoenix Clan."

"What kind of celebrations will they be having?" Sanzo smiled, always eager for a chance to get plastered.

"Uh.... breathing. Everyone is invited to participate. Get it?" Toku asked.

"That seems a rather dirty trick," I said.

"They haven't even announced it yet!" he said. Then he frowned. "Hey, Garou, don't badmouth my clan."

Sanzo slapped him. "You idiot! It's his clan, too! Besides, they've conscripted us!"

"What's 'conscripted' mean?" Toku asked, rubbing his jaw.

Sanzo slapped him again. "Drafted us! Dragooned us! Forced us in their clan against our will!"

"Actually, Sanzo, they told me in my case it was all your idea," Toku whined.

Sanzo slapped him again.

"What was that for?" he whined.

"Sorry, Toku," he said, "Actually you were right that time. It's just a reflex."

"Oh, then I understand," Toku replied.

"Hey, what's your deal, anyway?" I asked Sanzo, "What the heck are you slapping Toku around for? I thought you liked having a clan."

"Yeah," Sanzo said, "I liked it when I was in a clan with five or six dudes in it. Then I could be somebody important, have my pick of the chicks. Now I'm just... part of a team. Screw that, I'm finding a loophole. Who do we talk to to get us out of this, Toku?"

"Tsukune, probably," he said, "She's the daimyo. You'll probably want to meet her anyway, since you're new."

"Yeah," I said dryly, "I'm the Master of Earth."

"Neat!" Toku said, "I'm the Master of Air!"

Sanzo and I stared at him.

"You can't be Master of Air, stupid," Sanzo said, "You're not a shugenja."

"Tsukune said they couldn't afford to be as picky as they used to," Toku replied, "Besides, they gave me a cool yari! Wanna see?" "No," Sanzo said and led his horse off toward Isawa Castle. Toku and I followed.

The Castle wasn't very big, but it was perhaps one of the tallest buildings I had ever seen. Construction scaffolding surrounded it everywhere, and a big sign in front said 'Excuse Our Mess!' with a little smiling cartoon phoenix wearing a hardhat under it. Another, bigger sign next to that one said, simply 'NOW HIRING.'

"Boy, they are NOT shy about this fealty thing," Sanzo observed.

The gates were open and we entered the garden surrounding the castle itself. The plants were beautiful, completely regrown and reestablished since the castle had been burned by Yogo Junzo's army a few years back. I suppose that sort of thing was a lot easier when you had as much magic as the Phoenix Clan did. If nothing else, perhaps I could improve my spell casting while I was here. I'd always been a rather mediocre wizard, spending too much time with my friends and screwing around with ratlings instead of bothering to research new spells.

"Why did we send you to shugenja school anyway?" my mom would rant, "You can't even pull off a Tomb of Jade."

"Jade Strike is just as good, mom," I would reply, "It's quicker and you can cast it more easily. You don't know anything about magic, so I don't think you should lecture me on it."

"Don't.... don't know???" my mom would huff, since she was the expert on everything even though she was a middle aged cookie merchant's wife, "I DO know that your father worked and slaved to send you to that Kuni Shugenja school and get you the best teacher in that Mister Kuni and all you do is complain and waste your time."

"I saved the wall during the Scorpion Clan Coup!" I would reply but she wasn't listening, "And anyway, he didn't spend a dime. He won my tuition from Kuni Yori in a card game."

"That's not the point!" she would fire back, because if I proved a point it was then her duty to change it, and then the duel would continue until she felt she had won or I left the house to go wander the Shadowlands with chieftain Ipakak and the Third Whisker Tribe. But enough of that. This story is called "The Hidden Emperor" not "Garou's Mom" so I'll get back to the subject.

At one end of the courtyard, a young girl sat with a circle of children around her. She turned and waved to us with a grin. She looked to be about sixteen or so, and while she wasn't the sort of girl that turned heads, she was quite pretty. I could see Toku blush a little when he waved back.

"So who's that, Toku?" Sanzo needled, elbowing the smaller samurai, "You pick yourself up a chick while we've been gone? Eh? Eh?"

Toku looked at the ground and fought off a smile. "That's, um, that's just Osugi," he said, "She's... er... she's a friend. A good friend." His eyes sparkled.

Sanzo's face froze and he scowled. He glanced at me and we shared the 'he's not getting any' look. I chuckled a little; I thought it was cute that Toku had a crush on her. They were close to the same age (Toku skipped a few grades in grade school) and they looked like they'd make a nice couple. I thought the crush was sweet, and a welcome relief after the bizarre occurrences in my own love life.

Sanzo, in contrast, had no mercy.

"Toku, my friend," he said, leaning and putting his arm around Toku's shoulders, "We must talk. This girl. You have not even told her you like her, I am guessing."

"Er... no," Toku said, "I didn't think it was the right time yet, you know."

"She hardly even knows you at all, does she?" he pressed.

"Well, we've talked a few times. I've fetched stuff from the village for her. She's really busy."

"And I may assume that while you are enraptured with this woman, you, knowing you as I do, Toku, have given up all thought in pursuing any other girls no matter how eligible they are."

"Yeah," he said warily.

"She, I assume, has made no such similar commitments to you?" Sanzo asked, raising his eyebrows inquisitively.

"No," Toku said sadly.

"As I thought, as I thought." Sanzo removed his arm from Toku's shoulder and folded his hands behind his back. He paced a few steps away, thinking deeply. I looked over at the group of children. It looked like she was teaching them magic. One of the little kids pointed at a flower and zapped it with a lighting bolt. Wow. I couldn't do that.

"Tell you what, Toku," Sanzo said finally, "I'm going to do you a favor."

"You'll ask her out for me?" Toku replied, jumping to a happy conclusion.

"No," Sanzo said, crushing him, "I'm going to ask her out for ME. I'm going to take her on a really cheap date, make her pay for her own food, make her ride on the back of my horse on the way home, then make a cheap pass at her when I drop her off. This should sour her on all men for at least a year. Believe me, I've experimented with this technique quite thoroughly. You have exactly five minutes before I do so."

Toku glanced back and forth from Osugi to Sanzo, panicking. "Garou, what do I do?" he asked.

"Do what now?" I replied. I hadn't been paying much attention, trying to overhear the Phoenix entry-level class.

"Garou, watch my horse for me for a second," Sanzo asked, "I have to talk to somebody."

"NO!" Toku boomed.

Everyone in the courtyard got quiet and stared at us. Toku turned beet red and Osugi giggled.

"I am going to go ask her out," he whispered resolutely, stomping off toward the class.

"Wow, that was pretty effective, Sanzo," I said.

"Two koku says he chickens out," he replied.

"Please," I winced, "No more chickens."

Just then the doors to the palace opened and out strode a tall, beautiful, marble statue of a woman. Her long hair whipped behind her in the mountain wind while her dark eyes took in the whole garden at once. She moved toward Sanzo and I, her eyes narrowing curiously.

"Garou!" Sanzo exclaimed, "Your tattoo!"

That's when I realized that the Phoenix-style kimono Kuro gave me was short sleeved. With all the rest of the havoc and confusion and fealty and stuff the tattoo I'd gotten from Hoshi had slipped my mind. I still wasn't sure how the dumb thing worked but it had seduced Hitomi, Matsu Ketsui, and a room full of Lion Battle Maidens and the last thing I needed right now was to seduce the Phoenix Clan Champion. (I was looking for a way OUT of the family!) I tried to pull the sleeve down as far over my bicep as it would go, and, failing that, stood behind Sanzo. He tried to make himself as broad as possible and plastered on a polite smile.

"Konichiwa," she said, glancing quizzically at Sanzo and then trying to catch my eye over his shoulder, "You're new here, I take it?"

"Yes, yes, new here," Sanzo replied, trying to sound suave but just sounding like Sanzo, "Perfectly correct. I'm Shiba Sanzo and this is my personal servant, Asako Garou." Sanzo at that point, for whatever reason passed for logic in his tiny brain, bowed and for a moment, Tsukune got a perfectly good look at my tattoo.

"Why is he hiding like that?" she asked, "and does he keep rubbing his arm?" "Er... bad rash," Sanzo said, "Something he caught from Hitomi's mountains."

"I'll be the judge of that," she said tersely, "Now stop this silliness." She pushed Sanzo out of the way and looked dead on at the tattoo Hoshi gave me.

A hammer -wielding, bikini-wearing girl smiled back.

"What the thunder does 'Crabs do it sideways' mean?" she asked, frowning, "It sounds dirty."

I looked back fearfully. "Aren't you attracted to me?" I asked.

She got even more puzzled, and not a little annoyed. "What?" she said.

"I mean, don't you want to throw your clothes off and seduce me?" I added, cringing.

She reached for her katana.

"Wait! Wait!" shouted a voice, "I think I can explain this!"

We all turned toward the castle, from which a wizened old Dragon shugenja was emerging. He hurried toward us and put a restraining hand on Tsukune's sword arm, bowing to me politely.

"A simple misunderstanding," the Dragon said to her, "Allow me, Tsukune-san."

"Be quick," she said, glaring at me.

"I am Agasha Tamori of the Dragon Clan," he said to us with a smile, "I see you have acquired one of our new model tattoos."

"Yeah," I said, rubbing my arm self-consciously, "Can you help me get rid of it?"

"Ahhhh," Tamori chuckled, "Why would you want to do that? When Mitsu found the dragon within, he learned to ride the wind. When Mikoto found his moon, he learned to love the light. When Kama was wrapped with thunder, he learned to dance with lightning. Each tattoo has a purpose. It is your soul, young one. You must learn it's lesson."

"Yes," Sanzo smirked, trying to sound profound, "You, too, must ride the Crabslut, Garou."

Tsukune and Tamori glared at him. I'm sure my facial expression wasn't very happy at that moment, either.

"That came out wrong," he said, taking a step back and turning away to do something with his horse's saddle.

Tamori shook his head. "The Crabslut," he continued, "as your friend so crudely put it, is not a tattoo that is unknown to me. It's power is a simple one. It enhances your appeal to those who find you appealing. It loosens the inhibitions of those that love you already, allowing you to find your true love at last."

"Hitomi and Ketsui???" I exclaimed, "They love me?"

Tamori shrugged. "Love is blind."

"I will be too, if those Lions and Ise Zumi ever get ahold of me!"

Tamori's eyes widened. "Hm. Perhaps those are stories you could share with me another time. I will be in the castle if you require me, Tsukune." He bowed again and hobbled away.

Tsukune glared at us for a little while longer. "Did you two need something?" she asked.

"Uh... yeah," I said, a little ashamed of the tattoo deal, "We just got sworn to the Clan by Naka Kuro."

"Congratulations," she said, "Is that it?"

"Well, we want out," I said.

"Why, we aren't good enough for you?" she reached for her katana again. Sanzo moved around to the other side of his horse and continued fiddling with the saddle.

"No, no, no, that's not it!" I replied, holding out my hands in a placating gesture, "We just, well, we're busy."

"Busy. Doing. What." She seemed a very angry person. She didn't look like she liked us very much. Which was too bad since, as I said, she was very pretty.

"We're looking for the Emperor!" I said at last. There was the truth. She could just deal with it..

Tsukune sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah? Well, like, who ISN'T? Geez, that's the lamest excuse I've ever heard. Everybody uses that one. Everybody's looking for the Emperor. Everybody knows where Toturi's hidden and can't stay at the palace cause they just HAVE to find him. Well, everybody but those guys." She gestured at the six Scorpions playing poker on the other side of the garden, who were perfectly happy to be Phoenixes now and not have to go to the Burning Sands. Shiba Tangen waved at me, and Shiba Dozan glanced at Tangen's cards when he did.

"But..." I argued, "We ARE looking for the Emperor."

"Yeah!" Sanzo added from behind the horse, "We're the ones that kidnapped him, dammit!"

Okay, that was too much information. Tsukune looked at me as if we were insane.

I decided hell, go with it. Couldn't get any worse at this point. "The Emperor got drunk on Zokujin rock cleaner and said Cranes have to melt in water and stuff so we kidnapped him and went to the Dark Sanctuary and then the Obsidian Blade turned the spell all funky and maho made him into a chicken a rooster really and we went looking for you guys but couldn't find you cause you hadn't gone fealty-crazy yet and Toku let the chicken out of the bag and Toturi flew away and Hoshi said we're destined to find it but we need all four of us and we lost Toku and Sanzo sold Toku here for a wagon of hay and the ogre smashed the hay and Kuro saved us so now we're here" I gasped to catch my breath.

Tsukune stared for a long moment. Toku skipped up to join us, a big goofy smile on his face.

"A chicken," Tsukune replied flatly, her fists on her hips.

"He's crazy, really," Sanzo said, stepping up and gesturing at me, "I think he has the Taint, but we're not sure yet."

"A black chicken?" Tsukune asked, raising an eyebrow.

We all looked at each other. I hadn't mentioned that the chicken was black.

"Yeah, a black chicken," I repeated, "That's right."

Tsukune looked back at the ruins of Isawa Palace. "Come with me," she said, "I think you need to talk to Norikazu."