HANTEI XXIII PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK
Naka Kuro Chief of Recruiting Phoenix Appreciation Club	Asahina Tomo Most Likely to participate in horrible Christmas special.	The Ogre Bushi Most Likely to slap Sanzo like a b!+@#.

Tsukune turned around halfway up the stairs, her face serious. "You may want to prepare yourselves," she said, "Not everyone can handle Norikazu.

I turned to my friends Sanzo and Toku. They smiled back uncertainly. We'd come this far; it would be foolish to turn back now. We continued up the stairs to where Isawa Norikazu awaited. Tsukune stayed behind. We'd all heard of Norikazu, of course, the mad prophet who had been one of the few Phoenix shugenja to survive the Day of Thunder. His great power was reputedly only matched by the depth of his insanity. But if he could give us a clue where to look for the missing emperor, then it was worth the risk.

"What's that?" Sanzo asked, "Do you hear that?" He cocked his head toward the top of the stairs.

"Sound... sounds like music," Toku stuttered, "Weird music."

We could feel the beat through the floor. Somewhere, up above us, intense and throbbing music boomed and thrummed through the halls of Isawa Palace. A single large door stood at the top of the stairs, and above that door was a sign. It read, simply "Norikazu's Rave" and the music was coming from within.

We pushed open the door and went inside.

We were suddenly surrounded by dancers, dappled in colored lights and concealed with swirling fog. The music shook the floor, so loud we could hear nothing else. It was unlike any music I'd ever heard.

"She's a brick... house..."

"Brick house? What does that mean?" Toku shouted.

"I don't know," I replied, staring at the scantily clad dancers.

"She's mighty-mighty, just lettin' it all hang out..."

"I like it!" Sanzo said, nodding along with the beat. He turned to a young Phoenix girl nearby in a very tight and skimpy kimono, all feathers and spandex. "Hey, I'm Shiba Sanzo," he said, "You wanna dance?"

"She knows she got everything... that a woman needs to get a man"

"Sanzo, we've got a lot of work to do!" I said, but he was already gone. Not that I blamed him, it seemed like a fun place. Scary, but fun.

"How can she lose with the stuff she use? 36-24-36. Oh, what a winnin' hand!"

"I'm scared, Garou!" Toku whined, folding his arms and huddling against a wall, "Where's Norikazu?"

"I'd like to welcome Y'all to Retro Night!" called out a booming voice from above, "I'm your D.J. Mixmaster, Mack Dad Norikazu! How y'all feelin' out there tonight?" Everyone cheered and jumped up and down. A skinny man with darkened spectacles and some sort of device over his ears sat behind a large table on a pedestal at the back of the room, surrounded by massive black boxes from which the music seemed to be coming. He was weaving and jumping around to the music while pressing switches and dials on the machinery around him.

"That must be him," I said, pointing. We dove into the crowd and headed for his table.

"Hey, Norikazu!" Toku yelled, waving his arms and trying to be heard above the music.

"She's a brick... house..."

"Yo! Norikazu!" I said, jumping up and down and waving my hat.

"She's the one... the only one... built like an Amazon."

Norikazu nodded and smiled at me, holding up two fingers in a peace sign as he nodded along to the music. Then he ignored me.

"This isn't working," Toku whined.

I looked around, trying to find some way to get the prophet's attention. I noticed a device hanging over the edge of the table. It looked like the padded black cylinder he'd spoken into earlier, the device that had amplified Norikazu's voice when he spoke. I hopped up on a chair and grabbed the microphone.

"BY THE SEVEN THUNDERS!" I shouted, "IT'S ISAWA TSUKE!"

The room went silent; the music stopped with a high pitched scratch. Everybody pulled out spell scrolls and got in a defensive circle. A lot of people ran out screaming. Sanzo stood in one corner and peered up at me, confused, his dance partner departed.

Norikazu snatched the microphone away from me. "That wasn't funny," he said, glaring.

"Sorry," I said, "The only way I could think of to get your attention. I'm Yasu-- er... Asako Garou."

Norikazu's eyes narrowed. "Garou. The one who turned the Emperor into a chicken, right? Thought you were supposed to be a Crab. I guess this would be Toku, then. You guys were supposed to be here ten minutes ago. Where's Sanzo?"

Toku and I looked at each other, surprised.

Norikazu pointed at a door in the corner. "Step into my office, gentlemen. I'll be with you in just a mo'."

"What is all this stuff?" Toku asked, staring at the large black boxes and music equipment in wonder.

Norikazu smirked. "I can see the future," he replied, pulling down his sunglasses, "Sure, the others might say I'm using my power irresponsibly, but what's the fun of being able to look at the answers in the back of the book if you can't copy a few of them down for yourself? Now, please, go wait in my office. I have to get this party started. Quickly. Right?"

We nodded and proceeded to the door the prophet indicated. Sanzo joined us on the way, while Norikazu got back on the microphone and turned his deejaying duties over to a kid named M.C. Hosigeru. He began playing something called "Shaft."

"He's a bad mutha--"

"Shut yo mouth!"

"Just talkin' bout Shaft!"

"We can dig it."

The room Norikazu sent us to was bizarre in the extreme, filled with all sorts of arcane devices. Norikazu introduced a few of them as a "television," "vee see ar," and my personal favorite, the "playstation." After about three hours messing around with an odd little game he called "Bushido Blade," Norikazu finally switched off the television and got down to business.

"This is amazing, Norikazu!" I said with wonder, setting down my controller after beating Sanzo for the eighty-ninth time, "How could you build all this futuristic technology using your prophecy? I thought the visions prophets got were mostly hints, vague and meaningless?"

"Yeah, well, that's the cover story anyway," Norikazu replied, opening the refrigerator and tossing me another Dr. Pepper. "Truth be told, it's the only way we can really get along. Otherwise, we'd seem too useful. We'd spend all our time building playstations and Porsches and have no time to deliver prophecies of doom and the like." "What's a Porsche?" Toku asked.

"Never you mind," Norikazu said. "Anyway, the doomsaying business is really what we're supposed to be doing. That's why the kami gave me my gift in the first place. Now you guys want some help finding Agetoki, I'm guessing, since you can't find the Black Chicken and save Rokugan unless all four of you are together."

"Right," I replied, "That's exactly what Hoshi told us.

"Hoshi," Norikazu grimaced, "What an amateur. I suppose he tried to give you some of his tattoos while he was at it?"

I tried not to look at anyone.

"Well, anyway," the prophet continued, "Agetoki's pretty near here, actually. He's in a plague village, trying to rekindle an old flame. It's about two days' walk east of here, along the coast."

"A plague village?" I asked, "What the heck would he be doing there?"

Norikazu sighed. "See? This is the other cruddy part about being a prophet. You give a freaky prediction and all of a sudden you're the one to blame. Why don't you ask your friend Agetoki what he's doing in the village? It's not my fault he went there. Sheesh."

"Hey, I believe you," Sanzo said, "While you're at it, you wouldn't have any idea where Toturi is, would you?" He guzzled another can of Norikazu's beer and tossing it in the garbage.

Norikazu shook his head. "Sorry, no can do. The funny thing about heroes is that while you're destined to save the Empire, you're supposed to figure the important things out for yourself. I guess it's so you'll look surprised when you do it. Don't ask me why. If I gave everything away, the whole thing would get screwed up."

"We could pretend to be surprised," Sanzo offered.

Norikazu arched an eyebrow and thought about it. "Good point," he agreed, "Makes things easier all around. The black chicken's at Morikage Castle."

"Morikage Castle?" I asked, surprised to have a clue at last, "Where's that at?"

Norikazu looked back at me blankly. "In the dark the shadows wait," he said in a spooky voice, "the winds of war rise beneath the bloody hands of the living!" he said.

"What?" I replied.

Norikazu shook his head, as if clearing away a dizzy spell. "Sorry," he smiled weakly, "That happens to me sometimes. Downside to being a prophet, I guess."

"Yeah," Sanzo said, "About Morikage..."

Norikazu's eyes glowed red. "Nothing can save us," he snarled, "Only nothing, ever nothing...nothing and nothing alone."

We were quiet for a second.

"Well, I we've taken up enough of your time," I said nervously, backing toward the door with Toku and Sanzo, "We'll just show ourselves out..."

Norikazu shook his head again, "No, guys, wait up! Don't be scared, I --" he blanked out again, "I hear her voice...her voice...the voice of nothing...the Darkness- speaks!!"

"Yeah. Well. Bye!" I said and we all shoved each other through the door.

Outside in the Rave, everybody was "kung fu fighting," according to the song blasting over the speakers. We were all eager to put some distance between us and Norikazu, though, so we didn't stay long. When we got back down to the courtyard it was nearly midnight (we'd wasted quite a bit of time playing Bushido Blade). No one else was around except for a few of the Phoenix/Scorpions, who were practicing hiding behind things.

"So where to now, Garou?" Sanzo asked.

"Why are you asking me?" I asked.

"Well, you're the leader, right?" Sanzo asked.

"Why me?" I replied, "Why the heck would I be the leader?"

"Well, Agetoki's not here," Sanzo replied, "I don't want to be the leader, and I sure as heck ain't about to take orders from Toku."

"Hey!" Toku said.

"Well, I guess we could head for that village and look for Agetoki," I replied, "Then we could head start looking for this Morikage Castle."

Toku had that look. That look Toku said when he was about to say something honorable, noble, and stupid.

"What's the problem, Toku?" Sanzo snapped at him, recognizing that look as well.

"Well, we're Phoenix now, aren't we?" Toku replied, "Aren't we sort of obligated to stay here and take orders from Tsukune and Naka Kuro?"

Sanzo sighed. "This is about that Osugi chick, isn't it?"

Toku frowned, embarrassed. "She said she'd go out with me tomorrow night."

Sanzo threw his arms out and exhaled sharply. "TOKU! It's just a DATE! We're talking about the freaking Emperor here! We have a destiny! I don't know about you, but destiny creeps me out. I'd just as well find the damn chicken and get this stupid quest over with if it's all the same to you. There'll be other Osugis."

Toku frowned, his eyes glassy. "But..."

"But what, Toku?" I said carefully.

"It's the first time I've ever asked a girl out. The first time ever."

I looked at Sanzo.

"Ever?" I asked, "What about high school? What about the Unicorn girl you were always talking about? What was her name again?"

"Sachimikichufuroko," Sanzo replied, "Yeah, the one you met at summer camp. You were always going on about that chick."

Toku smiled weakly and shrugged. "I... er...

"You made her up, didn't you, Toku?" Sanzo asked.

"Well... um..." Toku stuttered, "Yes. I didn't want you guys to think I was a geek."

"Toku," Sanzo said amiably, putting an arm around the little samurai's shoulders, "You don't have to lie to us. We're your friends. We'll always think the same thing of you."

"Really?" Toku said in wonder.

"Sure," Sanzo said, "I thought you were a geek before and this hardly changes things."

"Jerk!" Toku spat and pushed Sanzo away. He stormed off to sit under a cherry tree, near where Osugi had been teaching her students earlier.

Sanzo was chuckling to himself. "That was mean," I said.

"He'll get over it," Sanzo replied, "Anyway, I'm gonna lend him a hand."

I looked at Sanzo suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

"You go on ahead and find Agetoki," he said, "I'll stay here with Toku and help him out with his little date. It'll do him some good. We'll meet up with you later."

"Sure thing," I said, "But I don't think we'll be coming back here. If the Phoenix try to make Agetoki swear fealty, things could get bloody."

Sanzo whistled. "Good point. Where should we meet up, then?"

I thought about it for a second. "The Kakita Dueling Academy," I said.

"Huh?" Sanzo replied, "Why there?"

"We need to find this Morikage Castle," I said, "In order to do that, we need to ask someone we can trust, someone who's got connections. Takuan's a little busy. Hoshi's too cloistered. Shahai isn't on speaking terms with us, and Hitomi is just too much of a risk. That leaves--"

"Toshimoko," Sanzo finished, "Are you sure he'll be there?"

"He's their grandmaster," I replied, "And it's the end of the semester. Time for finals. He'll have to be there. Where else would he be?"

Sanzo laughed. "He could have gone ronin and went off hunting the Emperor like us!"

"Don't be silly, Sanzo. Wish Toku good luck for me."

So in the dead of night I snuck out of Isawa Palace, hoping Naka Kuro wouldn't stumble over me and ask me where I was going. When I was a safe distance away, I put my old blue kimono back on and peeled the Asako mon off my hat. Feathers just weren't a good look for me and besides I wasn't entirely sure that oath of fealty had been legit. I stuffed the Phoenix kimono in my bag with my spells and potions, though, just in case it came in handy later.

After two days of walking (I don't own my own horse and never really wanted one) I finally arrived at the coast. I wondered where the village could be that Norikazu mentioned, then I saw the thick plume of smoke rising into the sky and realized that it must be Agetoki's handiwork. I headed in that direction and soon heard the clap of hooves and a soft neigh.

"Hello, Car," I said to Agetoki's horse. The big steed glanced at me to see if I had any food for it. Finding none, it continued ignoring me.

I looked past car out to the beach. There, sitting looking off into the sunset, was a gigantic samurai. His golden armor and red mane gleamed in the sunset. I walked up and sat down next to him. "Hey, Agetoki, what's up?" I said.

"Garou," he said without surprise. His face seemed more weathered than when I'd last seen him, sadder.

"Did you ever catch up with Kamoko?" I asked.

Agetoki scowled and pitched a rock out into the sea. "She sort of found me," he said. He was quiet for a second. "I screwed things up again, Garou."

"What happened?"

"You know how it is. You try to set up a nice, romantic surprise for a girl and you end up offending them by accident and all that and well now she just wants to kill me."

I blinked. "What did you do?"

"Well, I wanted to have a romantic dinner by candle light..."

"Yeah..."

"And I couldn't find any candles, but I found this plague village..."

"Yeah..."

"So I figured I could burn it to the ground and that would be just as good. You know?"

Lions certainly had an odd sense of the romantic.

"Um... I guess she didn't go for that, huh?"

"Nah," Agetoki pitched another rock into the ocean, "Anyway, all she wanted to talk about was her mom. She still thinks I'm the one that killed her."

"I thought you did kill her mom," I replied.

"No, it wasn't me!" Agetoki shot back, "It was the kol-- er... let's talk about something else. Have you seen Toku and Sanzo?"

"Yeah, they're fine. We're all ready to start looking for the Emperor again. You want to help, 'Toki? We can't do it without you."

"Sure, why not?" Agetoki shrugged. "Kamoko hates me and it doesn't seem there's anything I can do about that. Might as well die."

"Might as well what?" I replied.

Agetoki looked at me, serious. "Die. You know we're all going to die, right?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied, "but hopefully not soon!"

"Garou, Garou, Garou," Agetoki chuckled, "You still don't get it! We're samurai heroes! You know what that means."

"I'm sorry, no," I said.

"It means we're going to die! Samurai stories don't have happy endings! It violates the whole genre! We at least have to get horribly maimed!" Agetoki was grinning fiercely, as if he was looking forward to the whole thing.

"But what about the Day of Thunder?" I argued, "We came out of that okay!"

"Yeah, but we weren't very important in that one," Agetoki said, "But you can ask Hoturi, Yokuni, and Tadaka how they feel about the Day of Thunder! I'm sure your pal Hida Kisada's got a few choice opinions about it, too. No, I'm sorry Garou but our number's up. We're center stage on this one. We've got a prophecy and everything."

"Well that really sucks," I said quietly.

"Don't worry about it, Garou," Agetoki said reassuringly, "Not everybody has to die. Somebody has to be left behind to be torn with guilt and frustration at their inadequacy. If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure Toku and Sanzo are much more likely to die than you are, and I'll probably be the first one that our legion of foes try to destroy!"

"Somehow that doesn't reassure me much," I said, staring out at the sunset.

"Oh well!" Agetoki said cheerfully hopping to his feet, "To work! We have people to kill, Garou!"

So I got on Agetoki's horse and we headed off. Agetoki was a little angry when I told him we were headed for the Kakita Dueling Academy, but I think things would have been worse if we'd gone to Isawa Castle and the Phoenix had tried to make him wear feathers. (Agetoki has a few choice opinions about Cranes, not the least of which stemmed from the fact that Kakita Yoshi took Kamoko to our Senior Prom.)

We sped along quickly, leaving the mountains of the Dragon and Phoenix behind, and skirted through the plains of the Lion Clan. We saw a group of Lion Samurai on the horizon at one point, but I asked Agetoki to avoid them if possible.

"Why?" he said, glancing back at me in suspicion.

"Just in case," I replied.

"Just in case of what?" he asked.

"The Matsu Battle Maidens are after me," I said, "Ketsui's in love with me and tried to do odd things to me with a whip last time I was there."

Agetoki rolled his eyes and grumbled. "I will do what you say for now, Garou," he said, "but you must tell me the real story someday."

We rode on, and soon we were in the lands of the Crane. Strangely, the lands seemed deserted, and there was a hint of smoke in the air. I noticed a hint of movement from a nearby tree.

"AMBUSH!" I shouted.

Just then, an arrow flew from the woods. Agetoki wheeled on his horse and caught the shaft in midair.

"Obviously someone didn't look at my trait box," the Lion said cryptically.

Agetoki charged in the direction of the archer, katana drawn. A huddled mass of farmers suddenly emerged from the undergrowth before us.

"Ack!" Agetoki hissed, "Refugees! Garou, you'll have to go on without me!"

"Okay," I said, not quite understanding. I hopped off the horse and ran into the forest, tetsubo drawn. A single man in green armor stood before me. He tossed his bow aside and drew his katana.

"I know you," he said, his voice angry and cold, "You're Yasuki Garou! The ratling guy!"

"Yeah, that's me," I said, though I hadn't seen any of my ratling friends in months and had been wondering how they were doing.

Then I noticed the big Nezumi skull on the guy's belt.

"Nice belt," I said, angry.

"You like it?" he grinned, "I do my best. Name's Makashi. I'm the Mantis Clan Exterminator. All Nezumi must die in the name of the Alliance and Toturi's Army"

"Toturi's Army?" I replied, grim. Not only was he a ratling killer, but he was in Toturi's Army. That was just it.

"Yessir!" he grinned. He showed me his membership card.

I whacked him on the head with my tetsubo. He hit the ground harder than a Kaiu acrobat.

"How did it go?" Agetoki asked as I emerged from the forest, dragging Makashi along behind me.

"It was just this guy," I said, "He was alone. We should probably bring him with us. I'll bet the Cranes will be pretty surprised to see a Mantis spy in their territory."

"Good idea," Agetoki said, "We'll need whatever leverage we can get for them to treat us kindly. I have a reputation over there you know."

So we strapped Makashi onto the back of Agetoki's horse and I walked. We continued south for several miles, chatting about our adventures and the weather and whatever. Makashi woke up after a time, so we tied his arms and made him walk in front of us. In hindsight, that was probably a pretty bad idea, since when we got to the Kakita territories an army of twenty thousand Mantis Samurai were waiting for us.

When they saw Makashi, they were not impressed.

TO BE CONTINUED

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Onnotangu bless us, every one.

"Lion dogs!" Kanbe screamed at the top of his lungs.

"We're not Lions," I shouted back at him. I looked at Agetoki. "Well, he is," I pointed at him, "but I'm a Crab."

Kanbe looked at me uncertainly, then glanced back at the thousands of Mantis samurai milling around behind him. "Okay, then," he said, "Surrender, Crab dogs!"

"No, no, no, he's a Crab," Agetoki reiterated, pointing at me, "I'm a Lion. And he's a Mantis." He pointed at Makashi, who was tied up in front of Agetoki's horse. "But I guess you already knew that."

"Hi, Kanbe!" Makashi said cheerfully.

Kanbe's face twisted as he attempted to digest all of this new information. "Well, it doesn't matter!" he shouted finally, "Whatever clan you are, you must now surrender or face the ardor of the Mantis!"

"Excuse me?" I said.

"You heard me, foolish Lion!" Kanbe shouted, "Surrender or face the ardor of the Mantis!" The army of green-clad samurai shuffled and coughed boredly behind him.

"You're in for it now!" Makashi said, grinning.

"First of all, I'm the Crab," I said, "And secondly, I think you're using that word wrong."

Kanbe frowned. "Which one? Surrender? That means you give up."

"No, he means ardor," Agetoki said, "It means 'romantic passion' and I think you probably don't mean it that way."

"Ohhhhh, no you don't!" Kanbe said slyly, pointing a finger at Agetoki, "Those Cranes keep trying to do the same dang thing to me, twisting my words around and trying to start those silly duels, but I'm ready for you this time!" He rummaged about in a large satchel on his belt and pulled out some sort of thick scroll. "I got my thesaurus right here! Hold on, I'll look it up..." The Mantis army groaned and seated themselves on various rocks or on the ground while Kanbe found the t's.

"Hey!" Makashi yelled furiously.

"Hold up," Kanbe said, raising one finger as he rolled through the scroll.

"Kanbe, pay attention!" Makashi shouted.

"I'm busy!" he retorted, "Okay, here it is. Nope, you're wrong, Crab, it also means 'zeal' so HA I was right."

But by the time he looked up we were gone, charging off through the forest at top speed on Agetoki's horse. We were on an important quest and even the usually ultraviolent Agetoki saw little reason to hang around and fight the entire Mantis Clan.

"Boy, that was weird," Agetoki said over his shoulder, "What do you think Yoritomo is doing this far north?"

"Who knows?" I replied, "These are strange times. I wonder how they got so far into Crane territory without anyone noticing?"

"Cranes," Agetoki sniffed, as if that explained everything. And I guess, in a way, it did. I still remembered the time back in high school that Agetoki threatened to beat up Kakita Yoshi and Yoshi hid in the bathroom stall all day, standing on the toilet so nobody would see him, then came to school the next day and forged a note saying that he had had to go home early the day before for a dentist appointment. Agetoki threatened to beat him up again, but by that time Yoshi had time sneak off to the Imperial Palace and pick up an Imperial Legion from his friend Hantei. "Damn Imperial Favor," Agetoki had grumbled that day as he rode angrily home.

But back to the story at hand. We traveled through the forest for a day or two, skirting widely around the Mantis army. After a while, it began to snow lightly, covering the forest and the ground in a light layer of white. Winter was coming fast, and though winter in Rokugan is beautiful, it makes travel nearly impossible. I hoped we could get to the Kakita Dueling Academy talk to Toshimoko before the snows really set in. I also hoped that the Emperor had found a nice, warm chicken coop in Morikage Castle (wherever that was) to settle into for the holidays.

By the way, for any newcomers to this story, Emperor Toturi was magically transformed into a black chicken and now, according to a rather specific prophecy, only my friends and I can find and restore him before all of Rokugan is destroyed. How's that for a summary?

Anyway, we kept on traveling, and after awhile I began to envy the thick kimono, armor, and ridiculous maned headdress that Agetoki always wore. (Or is that his hair? I never thought it polite to ask him, and the subject never came up anyway.) He might have looked like a lunatic, but at least he was warm. The snow started to thicken, but before it got too cold and I turned into a Crabsicle, we arrived at the famous Kakita Dueling Academy. It hardly surprised either of us that it was currently surrounded by that infamous powder-blue juggernaut, the Daidoji army.

The soldiers stood proudly shivering in the snow, mostly gazing off towards the Mantis encampment to the north, although many of them were also gleefully hanging up decorations and preparing for the impending Chrysanthemum Festival. I also noted a rather large number of purple-clad women on horses with big furry hats. Otaku Battle Maidens. Agetoki went out of his way to avoid them, still a little nervous after his recent romantic faux pas with Kamoko. And it was a good thing that we took the long way around, since we soon found Toku and Sanzo hiding behind a snowbank, watching the Crane camp warily.

"Hey, fellas," I said, hopping off Agetoki's horse and strolling over to them.

"Oh, hey, Garou," Sanzo said, looking back over his shoulder.

"Merry Chrysanthemum Festival!" Toku said cheerily. I saw he had a little green bow tied on his red helmet.

"Hi, Toku," I said, "How was your date with Isawa Osugi?" "I'm getting married!" he said with a big smile.

"Oh dear gods, Sanzo, what have you done?" I said, turning to Sanzo.

Sanzo shrugged guiltily. "Long story. Toku took my advice a little too well, that's all. I'll fix it if we ever go back to Phoenix land; don't worry."

"So what's the situation?" Agetoki asked, striding up boldly and surveying the Crane encampment before us.

"The Cranes are pretty paranoid," Sanzo said, "They've got guards everywhere, waiting to ambush any Mantis that comes anywhere near."

"Do you have a plan?" Agetoki asked.

"Yeah," Sanzo said, "We just go on in." He pointed at a particular road. "But we go that way."

"Why there?" I asked.

Sanzo smirked. "You'll see."

"Hold!" cried a voice as we proceeded up the road. A tall, thin Crane holding a yari stepped into the path before us, pointing his weapon at us warily. "A Crab, a Lion, and two ronin," he said, smiling tightly, "An odd group to see in these lands."

"Want I should cap 'em, bro?" shouted an excited voice. A young masked Crane popped out of a snow covered bush nearby, pointing a bow at us.

The older Crane sighed and rolled his eyes. Sanzo gave me a knowing nod. "Karasu, you're supposed to stay concealed until we find out who they are," the first Crane said, "Kind of ruins the point of an AMBUSH if you announce it."

"You were going to ambush us?" Agetoki snarled.

"Um, well, maybe," the Crane replied, "Hang on a sec, I'm not through talking to my brother."

"Sure thing," Agetoki nodded, hand on his katana.

"Oh, come ON, Tsumerai!" Karasu chuckled, letting his bow fall to his side, "It's not like its a big deal or anything! These guys are nothin' to worry about! We're Daidojis for pete's sake! We can take 'em!"

"Karasu, you moron, we're outnumbered two to one! And it would help if you AIM your bow at them!" Tsumerai commanded.

"Oh, sorry," Karasu fumbled for his bowstring, dropped his arrow in the snow, and wrestled around for another one.

"I'm really sorry about this," Tsumerai said to us politely, "Usually, our ambushes are much more professional."

"Ah," Toku said, nodding.

"Here we go!" Karasu said, jubilantly producing another arrow and aiming it at Agetoki's chest, "Now we in bidness!"

"Actually, I'm immune to ranged attacks, Karasu," Agetoki said.

"Dang!" Karasu spat. He looked at me. "Is that guy immune to ranged attacks, too? He's not, right? Tell me he's not."

"Actually, I am," I lied, trying to hide behind Agetoki in case he decided to find out.

"Us, too," Sanzo added quickly before Toku could tell the truth and ruin everything.

"Well, that just bites the big one!" Karasu whined, tossing his bow in the snow and stomping his foot, "Wassup wit dat?"

"Karasu, stop talking like an anachronistic gaijin!" Tsumerai spat in irritation, "And pick up your bow, those things are expensive. Dad's not going to buy you another one." He turned back to us. "Thanks for being so patient. He's a trainee."

"I'm going on break," Karasu said, stomping off down the road.

"This is what I was talking about," Sanzo whispered, "During the holidays, always pick the line where the new guy's working."

Tsumerai watched Karasu go, then looked back at us with a sad smile. "Can't pick your family, eh?" he said.

"Don't I know it," I replied, "I can tell you some stories about my cousin Nokatsu."

"I'd rather you didn't," Tsumerai winced, "Well, I guess since the ambush is a bust, what can I help you guys with today?"

I hopped down off the horse. "My name is Yasuki Garou," I said with a bow, "Crab Clan shugenja and Ratling Wrangler. These are my friends, Matsu Agetoki, Sanzo, and Toku. We came here to find our friends and to talk to Kakita Toshimoko. We're a very important quest and I'm sure Toshimoko will want to talk to us."

"I'm Captain of the Imperial Guard!" Toku added happily.

"Of course you are," Tsumerai said condescendingly. "So... you guys need to talk to Toshimoko..."

"That's right," Sanzo replied.

"Hm," Tsumerai said, "Good thing you've got a shugenja, then."

I looked at the others, then back at Tsumerai. "Why is that?" I asked.

"Toshimoko's dead," he replied, "Jumped off a cliff a few months ago."

My jaw dropped open. We'd only left Otosan Uchi a few months ago. Toshimoko couldn't be dead. He just couldn't. This just sucked. I had no idea what to do now.

"Sorry," Tsumerai said, "If it helps any, Garou, you're welcome to come to the temple and try to talk to his spirit. Not like a Crab is going to be that much of a security risk, am I right Lion?" He laughed at Agetoki. "I mean, what with the Lion Army riding on the Kaiu Wall and the Shadowlands Horde surrounding Hiruma Castle and everything, you've hardly got time to make much trouble for us."

"What was that about Hiruma Castle?" I asked, curiously. This was the first I'd heard mention of it in our travels.

"You don't know?" Tsumerai asked, "Where have you been, Yasuki, in a monastery?"

"Yes," I said, "Several monasteries, actually."

"Oh. Well, the Crab and Naga took back Hiruma Castle, but then the Horde came in force. Now Kuni Yori is starving out the Crab army while they waste away inside and some say he's already killed Yakamo."

"MISTER KUNI???" I said with a gasp. I knew Kuni Yori had fallen on hard times since I'd been in his class, but I could hardly imagine him the leader of the Shadowlands Horde. My head spun.

"Yeah, himself!" Tsumerai said, "You must have gone to Hantei XXIII too, right? Advanced Algebra. He was a hoot. Anyway, they say even the Horde wouldn't have had a chance if the Naga hadn't cut out and ran at the last second."

"Cowardly snakes! Why would they do something like that?" Agetoki asked.

"That holy war kick they're on," Tsumerai said, shaking his head, "Something about the first born of the Qamar being stolen away by Hitomi. Some Naga named Kazaq."

"Hey, that's the guy--" Toku cut off suddenly with a yelp as Agetoki's horse stepped on his foot.

My knees buckled and I was having trouble breathing. "Sanzo, I need to get home," I stuttered, leaning on my tetsubo for support.

"What, Garou?" Agetoki said, turning in his saddle with a serious look on his face. "What are you talking about? We're on an important quest here. I know it's the Chrysanthemum Festival and all, but--"

"I'm not talking about the damn holiday!" I snapped angrily. Agetoki blinked. People didn't take that tone with him very often. "Don't you understand?" I asked, standing up straight. "This is all my fault. The Lions, the Horde, everything. My clan's about to be destroyed and it's all my fault." I stomped over to a snow covered tree and whacked it angrily with my tetsubo, accidentally dropping an avalanche of snow onto Tsumerai's head. The Crane vanished with a high-pitched squeak.

"It was my idea to drag Kazaq behind the tattoo shop and leave him there," I continued, "That's what started the war."

"Heck," Sanzo said, "if you want to go back further than that, it's your fault the Crab Clan lost the Battle of Beiden Pass and Mister Kuni started down the road to corruption in the first place."

"Thanks, Sanzo," I said dryly, "But, you know what? You're right. It was my fault. And it's my fault Toturi disappeared and left all of Rokugan weak and ripe for conquest." I sat down in the road, staring gravely at the ground. "All of it's my fault."

"I think you have holiday depression, Garou," Toku said, "You need to calm down."

"You could always cleanse the shame with seppuku, Garou," Agetoki suggested.

"WHAT??" Sanzo exclaimed, "I don't believe you said that, Agetoki!"

"Hey, nothing against Garou," Agetoki said, "It's just a suggestion. A little ritual suicide always works wonders for us Lions."

"No, thank you, Agetoki," I said, "It wouldn't do any good anyway. There's nothing we can do now. We've been fooling ourselves, thinking we can make a difference." I pitched a rock at a tree nearby, and it bounced off and hit Tsumerai in the head. "Our clans are all doomed," I said, "We might as well face it."

"Now, now, Garou," said a chuckling voice, "That's hardly the spirit."

We all turned around to see a large man emerge from the bushes. He was had a broad, round stomach, red robes, and a snowy white beard. His face was smiling and his cheeks were rosy.

"Santa?" Toku said in wonder.

"No, you idiot," he said, "I'm Asahina Tomo. You retire and gain a little weight and nobody recognizes you anymore."

"What's with the red robes?" Sanzo asked.

"I'm RETIRED!" the old man said in annoyance, "I can do whatever I want. I never liked blue. What's with all the questions, anyway? I'm here to help."

"How?" I asked.

"Again with the questions!" Tomo said in exasperation, "Oh, wait. That's a reasonable one. There is a way that you can help your friends in Hiruma Castle, but there isn't much time. Wait here."

The fat old shugenja wandered off into the snow. We all looked at each other in confusion for a little while. He came back, dragging a big sack behind him, opening it to reveal a heap of tetsubos and big chunks of jade.

"Where did you get that stuff??" Sanzo asked in wonder.

"A small Chrysanthemum Festival miracle," Tomo said with a smile. "We have a little gift exchange in the Imperial Court every year, and it seems almost every time Hida Tsuru gets my name. He always thought it was quite funny to give me big weapons or chunks of jade and then keep the receipt so I couldn't return them. Twenty years he's been doing that. Old fool. Well, it seems like all this crap will finally come in handy now, what with your friends in Hiruma Castle being in so much trouble."

"But how will we ever get it there in time?" I asked.

"Ah!" Tomo said with a grin, and produced another sack from behind his back, "Well, this year, Tsuru didn't participate; he's pretty busy. Ide Daikoku got my name instead. And he's a much more discriminating shopper." He pulled a bolt of colored and embroidered cloth from the sack and spread it on the ground. "The people of the Burning Sands call this device a 'flying carpet,' and it's just the thing to get you four to the Castle in time. Even your horses will fit on it. But you'd best hurry. I doubt the Crabs have much time left."

I bowed low before the old shugenja. "Thank you, Tomo-sama!" I said with relief, "This is the best Chrysanthemum Festival present ever!" "Ick," Sanzo muttered, "This is starting to turn into a holiday special."

We quickly loaded everything onto the carpet and took off into the sky. I just hoped we would arrive at Hiruma Castle in time..."

AN OBSCURE EXCERPT FROM THE WRITINGS OF KUNI YORI, FOUND YEARS LATER IN THE LIBRARIES OF THE YASUKI ESTATES...

'Twas the night before Chrysanthemum, and all through the Horde, Not an oni was stirring, not even an overlord. The severed heads hung by the castle with care, In hopes that old Yakamo soon would be there.

The ogres were nestled all snug in there beds, While visions of... whatever... danced through their heads. And Kappuksu in his kerchief, and my geisha in red, Had just settled down to stitch a new face to my head.

When out on the wastes there arose such a clatter, I sprung from my coffin to see what was the matter. Away to the Oracle I flew like a flash, Summoning its power with a bloody red gash (to my arm. I know it's a stretch, but I need a rhyme)

The moon on the breast of the Oracle's pool Gave a luster of midday to the onlooking ghouls; When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a small flying carpet with two steeds in the rear.

The oracle showed me the driver in slo-mo, And I knew in a moment that it must have been Tomo. More rapid than hawk riders he flew with his crew, And he whistled and shouted to all of them, too.

Now, Garou! Now Sanzo! Now Matsu Agetoki! Get ready, Toku, there's no time to be pokey! To the top of the castle, to the top of the wall! And when I cut this sharp turn, make sure you don't fall!

As dry bones before a Jade Strike spell fly, When they meet with a tsugasu, mount to the sky, To Kyuden Hiruma the carpet it flew, With a sack full of jade - and the samurai, too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard near the wall, The capering and cursing as someone did fall, As I drew in my head and was turning around, Through the roof of my tent, Garou came with a bound.

He was dressed all in rags, all once fine silk, And his hat was all tarnished with ashes and filth; A bundle of scrolls he had flung on his pack, And quickly the Yasuki opened that sack.

His eyes, full of fear, it made me so merry. He snarled at my zombies, so recently buried; His droll little mouth was turned up in a scowl, I suppose it was since all my friends smelled so foul.

The shaft of a tetsubo he clutched in his hand, As if it would help against my zombie band. He had a grim face, just like the old days, A tattoo on his arm said "Crabs do it sideways."

He was just like in high school - how utterly quaint; And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of my Taint. With a wink of my eye, and a twist of my head, I soon gave him to know he had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, backing toward Hiruma's spires; He stalked past the zombies: chanting Wings of Fire. And laying his finger aside of his nose, And casting the spell up the walls he rose.

He sprang to the battlements, to his clan gave a whistle, And Tomo's carpet zipped off like a nuclear missile (ignore anachronism) But I heard him exclaim as he dropped out of sight, "Merry Chrysanthemum to all, and to all a good night!"

WAS LATER STRICKEN FROM THE ORIGINAL WRITINGS BY ONI NO AKUMA. FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

To be continued...

Hiruma Castle, wasn't such a bad place, really.

I mean, sure, it was in the heart of the Shadowlands and surrounded by hordes of zombies, but the samurai trapped inside had really made it quite homey. The war banners had been arranged quite tastefully and the big heaps of jade glittered nicely in the moonlight. I smelled the aroma of cooking food and walked over toward the fire.

"Hey, Garou!" Sanzo called out, handing me a bowl, "You should try some of this rice! It's delicious!"

I sat down between Sanzo and Agetoki and took the bowl. I loaded my chopsticks with rice and tried some. The Nezumi chef stared at me expectantly.

"This is really quite good," I said, chewing.

"Thankyou-thankyou, Master Garou!" the ratling said, jumping up and down in glee, "Happy I am that you approve of Michnuk's culinary masterpiece!"

"He didn't get that excited when we tried it," Agetoki observed.

"Oh," I replied, "Well, you see, the Nezumi and I have sort of a past. Particularly the Third Whisker Tribe. To them, well, I'm.... well, it's hard to explain."

"Garou is the Rat Who Walks Like a Man!" Michnuk chirped happily.

Sanzo blinked. "The what?"

"Rat Who Walks Like a Man!" Michnuk repeated, "Great Nezumi chieftain born into human form to teach him humility!"

"Is this true, Garou?" Agetoki asked.

"I guess it's possible," I said, "It's sort of a religious thing for them, and I try to stay away from the subject of religion whenever possible."

"But I thought you were a shugenja, Garou?" Sanzo said, "Aren't all shugenja priests?"

"Exactly," I said, "So I should know better than anyone else, right?"

Sanzo and Agetoki just looked confused, I decided to change the subject. "Hey, Michnuk, you and the other Nezumi snuck all this food into the castle, huh?"

"True this is," Michnuk nodded proudly, "True-true, Master Garou. Work very hard to keep our Crab friends alive."

I looked around at the assembled Crab Samurai in Hiruma Castle. "There sure are a lot of samurai here, though. How did you manage to carry in enough food for all of them and still sneak past all the oni?"

"Easy," Michnuk said, "Eat all the rice in advance then regurgitate once inside the castle. Keep it warm, too."

I set my bowl down exactly the same time Agetoki and Sanzo did.

"What the matter?" Michnuk asked, cocking his head, "Samurai no hungry?"

I quickly got up again and walked away from the fire. I noticed Toku standing on the battlements staring out over the blasted wastes of the Shadowlands, the night winds flapping the Hida banner above him.

"What's up, Toku?" I asked.

Toku shrugged. "Nothing. Everything." He sighed.

"Something bothering you?" I asked.

"What do you think?" he snapped back, "We've been wandering Rokugan for like a year now, trying to fix our screw-up with Toturi. And we're no closer to fixing it now than when we stumbled out of Sanzo's apartment and beat up poor Kazaq. And look at what we've done! We've started a war! We've doomed the Naga, the Dragon, the Crab, and the Scorpion. We ruined poor Iuchi Shahai's Dark Sanctuary. We're being hunted by the Mantis and the Lion and Togashi Kokujin and who knows who else. We even killed Toshimoko. He was a nice old man, too."

"Hey, he killed himself," I said.

"Same difference!" Toku snapped back, "And the Phoenix. We abandoned the Phoenix."

"Hey, that whole deal was shifty," I said, "I mean, Sanzo and I got suckered fair and square but you got traded for a wagon load of hay."

"Fealty is fealty, Garou," Toku said, sniffling and staring out at the moon again, "I feel like a jerk. Now we're just going to die out in the middle of nowhere, killed by our old algebra teacher who's now an undead sorceror and that's probably our fault too."

"Well, actually, if you want to get technical you can blame Yakamo for that. The onis were his idea in the first place. But he ran out into the Shadowlands and hasn't come back yet so it's gonna be difficult to blame him for anything. Looks like he ended up a martyr in the end."

"Lucky him," Toku said.

"Besides," I said, "Not everything we've done on this quest has been bad. We delivered valuable weapons and supplies to the Crab Clan. We stopped Toturi from issuing the first drafts of his charters and doing all sorts of damage. I... er... I made some friends in the Dragon Clan. And I got some potions from them too, though I have no idea what to do with them."

"Yeah," Toku said, "Good for you, Garou."

"Toku," I said, "This is about Osugi, isn't it?"

Toku looked nervous. "Um... no."

"Yes it is," I retorted, "That's it, isn't it? You haven't seen your girlfriend in three week and now you're all depressed, aren't you?"

"Don't, uh, don't be silly Garou. That's not it at all."

"Oh, like Jigoku it isn't!" I exclaimed, "And what was that Sanzo said about you getting married to her?"

Toku shrugged, a little smile on his lips. "Well, I haven't asked her yet... but I think I'm in love, Garou. I think she's the one."

"She's your first girlfriend, Toku," I said, "You've gone out one time."

"Hey, you just don't know, Garou," Toku said, shaking his head, "I'm serious. She's the greatest. She's the most unique girl I've ever met."

"Unique?" I asked, "She seemed nice and all, but she didn't seem all that unique."

"Oh, believe me, Garou, she's certainly unique. All the Phoenix say so..." Toku looked confused for a second, "Though they usually seem mad about it..."

I rolled my eyes. "Listen, Toku, I don't mean to sound like Sanzo here, but I think you're obsessing over this chick a little bit. You need to calm down, get a little distance. See other people. Unfortunately, we're in a castle full of samurai surrounded by zombies right now. The closest thing we're going to get you for a date is Kyoso no Oni and that's probably a bad idea so this discussion's going to have to wait until we get back to civilization, okay?"

"Whatever, Garou," Toku said, "but when we do get married, I'd like you to be my best man."

I stopped, shocked. "Me?" I asked, "Why?"

"You're my best friend, Garou," Toku said sadly, "You never make fun of me."

"I don't?" "Well, relatively," he said, "Everybody else just thinks I'm a dork. Sanzo always ignores me and Agetoki always beats me up. You're the only one who talks to me like a human being. Even just now you were trying to give me advice, instead of just shaking your head and saying 'It's okay, Toku, we'll do it for you.' The only other person who ever did that was Toturi."

"Toturi," I repeated, "Really? Toturi. I can't see it. I know he's got a reputation for being a great hero and a wise, noble samurai and all but the times I've met him he was so drunk he was nearly psychotic."

"That's just it," Toku replied, "That's why he always had high hopes for me. He was always drunk. Morito Tokei put it this way: 'Toturi sees a lot of potential in you. Then again, he sees a lot of potential in the fence post, the donkey, and that stone that he's talking to, too. Just keep the old lush happy and stay out of our way, Toku.' That was so inspirational. I'll never forget Tokei for telling me that. That was right before the oni stepped on him."

"Wonderful," I said.

"What are you guys talking about?" Agetoki asked, striding up onto the battlements and gazing out over the armies of darkness.

"Toturi," I said.

"Ah," the Lion replied, "Our errant black chicken. I know that we will find him soon."

"Really," I said.

"Yes," Agetoki replied, "I have a plan."

I looked at Toku, then back at Agetoki. "That's great, Agetoki! Finally some direction. What's your plan?"

"I begin killing people," Agetoki said, quite seriously. "Hacking them down, left and right, until someone tells us where this Morikage Castle is. And if they do not know, at least the populace will become sufficiently angered that they shall raise an army against me and I will die in honorable battle, and not hunting a chicken in the Shadowlands."

"That's not funny, Agetoki," I said.

"Was I joking?"

"Of course you're not joking," Sanzo said, stepping up next to us, "If you were trying to express a humorous point you'd be hitting someone."

"What does that mean, exactly?" Agetoki said sharply.

"Just that your sense of wit seems to end at hitting someone over the head with something," Sanzo replied.

"Are you saying that sort of thing isn't funny?" Agetoki growled.

"Hey, guys!" I said, jumping in between them, "I know you're all a little edgy! A week in Hiruma Castle eating predigested ratling rice will do that to anyone! But we're not going to accomplish anything fighting each other!"

"Sorry, Garou," Agetoki said sourly, "He started it."

"Me?" Sanzo gasped, slapping his chest, "Hey, if you're so hot-fire to go get yourself killed, don't let me stop you, Lion! In fact, let me help! You wait here, I'll go fetch some Battle Maidens to whup your little red hiney! Oh, Kamoko!"

"That's it!" Agetoki snarled. He picked up a rock and threw it at Sanzo, who ducked out of the way quicker than I'd ever seen him move before. It flew into the shadows with a thud and a man in a skintight black suit and mask toppled to the ground, unconscious. There was some sort of folded up parchment in his hand.

"What the?" Agetoki said, "I wasn't aiming at him."

"Who the heck is that?" Toku asked, "Is he dead?"

"No, he's not dead," I said, kneeling and taking his pulse, "He looks like a ninja."

"A ninja?" Agetoki huffed, "There's no such thing!"

"Dude," Sanzo said, "We were in the same class as the Ninja Shapeshifter in high school, remember? Ninjas exist, Agetoki. Admit it."

Agetoki just stared at the unconscious ninja.

"The truth is out there, Agetoki," Toku said.

Agetoki punched Toku.

"Hey, guys," I said, staring in disbelief at the parchment I'd unfolded, "You'd better take a look at this."

"What is it?" Sanzo asked, looking over my shoulder, "Oh, by the Seven Fortunes."

Agetoki refused to look at the parchment, still ignoring the existence of the ninja. That was okay. I could hardly believe what I was looking at myself.

It was a map to Morikage Castle.

"What does it say at the bottom, there?" Sanzo asked.

I read out loud. "Dear Ninja Spy: You have done well thus far in following and monitoring the Heroes of the Black Chicken Prophecy. See to it that they continue on their path away from the Castle, and thus they shall never stop us in time to prevent The Great Feast this Sunday. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! Signed, Ninja Master."

"The ninja master wrote out his villain laugh?" Sanzo asked, "How pathetic."

"What's the Great Feast?" I asked.

"It does not matter now," Agetoki said grimly, taking a peek at the map, "We cannot save Toturi now. Morikage is on the other side of Rokugan."

"If we had Tomo's magic carpet," Toku said, rubbing his injured face.

"I think he can only use that once a year," Sanzo said, "Besides, he went back to Crane lands to give presents to all the good little boys and Dojis."

Toku sat down on the battlements, his shoulders drooping. Agetoki dropped down next to him. Sanzo paced back and forth.

"This sucks!" Sanzo barked, "My first real chance to do something memorable and we screw it up. Why did I ever come to Hiruma Castle? This is just so fitting! We spend all that time trying to get out of the Phoenix Lands and Morikage is where? Phoenix Lands. This sucks!" he repeated.

I folded up the map and handed it to Toku. "Here," I said, "You'll need this."

"Why?" Toku asked.

"In case I don't come back," I said.

"Oh, no!" Agetoki said, leaping to his feet, "No you don't Garou! Last time you ran off on your own you ended up getting seduced by Hitomi and nearly dogpiled by the Matsu Battle Maidens! I'll wade through Jigoku before I miss something like that again! Where are you going?"

"Yeah," Sanzo said, blocking me off on the other side, "We're supposed to be a team, here, Garou. What's your plan?"

"I'm going outside the wall to talk to Kuni Yori," I said.

"Oh," Sanzo sat down, "Well, have fun, Garou."

"Get up, stupid," Agetoki snarled, grabbing Sanzo's collar and pulling him to his feet, "And get the horses. We're all going with Garou."

So we went back into the courtyard where I found Michnuk, eagerly stirring the pot of rice.

"Michnuk," I said, "I want to know where the escape tunnels are."

"The what?" Michnuk said.

"The escape tunnels," I said, "The ones you used to get into the castle. The ones Yakamo used to go get help."

"Oh, those escape tunnels," he giggled, "Why you want those? Shadowlands full of monsters. You not get far."

"That's okay," I said, "We're looking for the monsters."

"Why not just jump off the wall?" he said, "Death be a lot quicker."

"Just show us the tunnels," Agetoki growled.

Michnuk shrugged and showed us into the secret warrens under Hiruma Castle. Along the way, he explained how they had gotten there. Since the castle had been invaded by the forces of the Maw many generations ago, a lot of different forces have held it. Sometimes goblins. Sometimes oni. Sometimes Crabs, though never for long. And sometimes ratlings. And ratlings never have a nest that has only one exit. These tunnels were the other exits, built to be concealed from outside and in, so that only the Nezumi could ever use them.

"After all," Michnuk said, "Nobody ever hold Hiruma Castle for long. Eventually, whoever inside get killed by something bigger or get bored and wander off after other prey. We Nezumi don't care. We always get it back eventually."

"So why do you care this time?" I asked, "Why are you helping the Crab now?"

"All about respect," Michnuk replied, "We Nezumi been helping the Crab for hundreds of years. What we get for it? 'Oh, thankee ratling. Here, havee some beads, ratling.' Pat pat on head. Naga show up and help you guys for what? Four months or so? Now they big friends of Rokugan. Get treaty. Get respect. Even let them in the capital. Snakey heroes of Rokugan. Now, after Nagas leave Crabs to die in Hiruma castle, Nezumi figure big snake-heads went and dropped the ball. Now we going for the rebound."

"I don't understand the ball analogies," Toku said.

"Basketball," the Nezumi said, rolling a boulder away from the end of the tunnel, "Poor humans. So uncultured. Michnuk teach you someday. Anyway, here the exit. Good luck, everybody." Michnuk pulled away the thick undergrowth covering the exit. We could see the night sky and the mists of the Shadowlands. In the distance, something moaned pitifully.

"Quick, quick," Michnuk chirped, "Last thing you want is show zombie-zombies the back door! Crabs inside got 'nuff problems already."

"Thanks, Michnuk," I said, bowing to the ratling.

"Welcome," he said, handing me a bag, "Here take this. Rice for the road. Cooked it myself."

"Er... thanks," I said.

"No problem," Michnuk said and he closed the exit behind us. I dropped the rice as soon as the exit closed. I saw several Shadowlands parasites quickly move away from it.

The landscape around us was black and blasted. Scraggly trees bent and twisted here and there, swaying in the breeze. The ebony sand shifted with the movements of something beneath the surface.

One of the horses whinnied nervously. "Shhh, Car," Agetoki said. Sanzo's horse was too dumb to be scared.

"So what now?" Toku asked, "How do we find Yori before something eats us?"

"Sanzo," I said, "Hand me the Bloodsword."

"Aww," Sanzo whined, "I was hoping you'd forget I still had that."

"You can have it back when I'm done. Right now, I need it."

Sanzo pouted and handed me the evil blade I'd stolen from Ginawa way back in the Battle of Beiden Pass. I began casting a spell.

"Hey, careful there, Garou," Sanzo said, "You start casting spells here, you're gonna catch the Taint."

"Right now, the Taint's the least of our worries," I said, "We have to save the Emperor."

"Hey, cool!" Toku said, "That sounds like something Tadaka would say!" Toku was wearing his Seven Thunders t-shirt.

"Yeah," Sanzo said, "Now that you mention it, Garou does remind me a lot of Tadaka. He's even got the hat. Hey, Garou, if you do get the Taint, try to get cool glowing eyes like Tadaka had, not that face-rotting-off deal that Amoro got."

"Guys, do you mind?" I said, "I'm trying to concentrate here."

"Sorry," Sanzo said.

"Sorry," Toku said.

"Morons," Agetoki said.

"Battle Maiden groupie," Sanzo said.

"Why you!"

"GUYS SHUT UP!" I said, "I'M TRYING TO SUMMON A GODDAMNED KANSEN HERE AND YOU'RE NOT MAKING IT ANY EASIER FOR ME!"

"Sorry," they all said.

And the sword spoke, in a clear, calm voice. "Hello, hello, everyone. Testing, one, two. This is Bloodsword Revenge. Hello, Iuchiban? Are we storming the palace?"

"No," I said, "And this isn't Iuchiban. I'm Yasuki Garou."

"Ah, yes, the Crab maho-tsukai who stole me from the ronin."

"I'm not a maho tsukai," I replied.

"Ah, you humans," the sword chuckled, "Your memories are so linear. Well, what can I do for you, Garou?"

"I need to find Mister Kuni," I said, "Kuni Yori. The leader of the Shadowlands Horde."

"Okey dokey," the sword said. An odd rose glow covered the blade and I felt it pulse and tug in my hand. "Follow me," it said.

I followed the pull of the sword toward the legions surrounding Hiruma Castle. Agetoki, Sanzo, and Toku followed slowly. We crested the top of the hill and thousands of zombies and goblins leered up at us.

"KILL THE HUMANS!" a big goblin howled, pointing at us.

"NO!" the Bloodsword retorted in a booming voice, "This is Yasuki Garou. It's okay. He's with us." The zombies and goblins fell back, staring at me with awe.

I didn't like the sound of that, but I didn't really have time to argue. The sword pulled me on, as the Horde parted before us.

"Garou," hissed a wicked sounding voice, "I had a feeling you'd be back." A tall, thin man stepped forward at the head of the Horde. His robes were dark and tattered, and his skin was patchwork and covered in stitches. He had a black sword slid under his belt and a grinning skull tucked under one arm.

"Mister Kuni," Toku said, "You're looking well." He walked up nervously and handed Kuni Yori an apple.

"Why, thank you Toku," Kuni Yori grinned fiendishly, "You were always the thoughtful one. Sanzo, have you managed to stay out of jail?"

"Mostly," Sanzo replied.

"And Agetoki," he continued "Still chasing after Unicorns?"

"They're chasing after me now," Agetoki said.

"Ah, boys," he said, "It does me good to see you all again. Almost like nothing's really changed, isn't it?" The zombies and goblins smiled with nostalgia.

"Um," I said, pointing, "Is that Fu Leng's skull?"

"Why, yes it is, Garou, would you like to see it?"

"No, that's all right," I said, "We just came to ask you a favor."

"Shoot," he said, leaning on the hilt of the Obsidian Blade.

"We need to get to Morikage Castle and fast. You're the greatest shugenja in the Empire, Mister Kuni. We need your help to rescue the Emperor or some ninjas are going to do Jigoku knows what to him. Something about a Great Feast."

"The Emperor?" Mister Kuni scoffed, "I certainly have the power to send you boys to Morikage but what do I care for the Emperor? I'm the bad guy now, Garou. The Emperor can go turn into a chicken for all I care."

"Yeah, I know," I said, "this isn't for Toturi that I ask this. This is for us. One last favor for the graduating class of Hantei XXIII."

"Yeah, whatever, Garou," he laughed, "I miss you guys and all, but you have to remember I'm a tainted Shadowlands madman now. So what's in it for me?"

"This," I said, holding up the bag of potions, "Fresh from the Agasha chemists."

"What are they?" Kuni Yori said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Moisturizer."

Kuni Yori's mouth dropped open, and he raised one hand to his tattered face. "Garou," he said, his voice choked, "You were always my favorite student."

I grinned, sheathing the Bloodsword and shaking the bag. "So do we have a deal?"

TO BE CONCLUDED