HANTEI XXIII PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK
Matsu Turi Poetry Club	Fuzake Garou Most likely to repeat Senior Year	Emperor Toturi the First Most likely to be a chicken

I hadn't been to Doji Palace since high school. It looked a lot different then, since that was before the False Hoturi burned the whole place to the ground and everything.

Still, it was quite a beautiful place. The castle's palisades arched gracefully above a sparkling waterfall, spilling serenely into a meandering brook before the castle's gates. Platinum-haired Crane lords and maidens sat here and there in the crossroads, strumming musical instruments or simply enjoying the day. On either side of the road, the grinning severed heads of numerous samurai gazed down on us.

"Well," Sanzo remarked, "That sort of ruins the atmosphere, doesn't it?"

"I don't know," Matsu Turi replied, examining the nearest head, "I sort of like them."

Sanzo glanced back at the Lion to see if he was kidding or not. Of course, he wasn't. "Hey, Dorai," Sanzo said, quickly changing the subject as he turned to our Crane benefactor, "Thanks again for this new horse. She's even better than the one I left back at Hiruma Castle."

"I should hope so," the young Crane shugenja said, turning with a smirk, "That's an Otaku steed."

"Otaku," Sanzo said, impressed. "I thought they didn't sell those. Where did you get a horse like that, Dorai?"

"I've got connections," the Crane replied, vaguely.

Toku gestured to me, and we fell back behind the others a bit.

"What's up, Toku?" I asked.

"I dunno, Garou," Toku said, "I just don't trust this guy."

"Who, Dorai?" I laughed, "He's a nice guy. What's not to trust?"

"He..." Toku hesitated, "You'll think this is dumb." Toku shook his head and fell silent.

"No, go on, Toku," I said, "You can tell me."

"Um," Toku said, "I, um.... I just think he's a mobster or something."

"A mobster?" I repeated, looking back at Dorai. The young shugenja glanced back at us, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"I knew you'd think it was dumb!" Toku whined, "But listen. I thought about this a lot. What about that visit he made before we came here?"

"At that shack up in the mountains?"

"Yeah," Toku said, "The one in front of the big poppy field. Didn't you think there was anything suspicious about that?"

"No," I answered.

"He knocked three times, asked for 'Vinnie', put a big bag of koku on the porch, and then just left," Toku said, "You didn't see anything odd about that?"

"No," I answered, "But then I'm a Yasuki. My family does that sort of thing all the time."

Toku sighed. "I think you're letting this fealty thing go to your head, Garou," the little samurai said, "You're so happy to get your clan back that you're ignoring the obvious."

"Maybe," I said, "I'll be careful, Toku."

"What are you two talking about back there?" Dorai chuckled.

"Nothing!" Toku said a little too hastily, "Definitely not mobsters!"

"Oh," Dorai said, arching an eyebrow curiously. "Anyway, we should stop here for a bit. Rest, recuperate, and recover. Then we can move on to Otosan Uchi and see what we can do about that chicken, Garou."

I nodded, looking back at the small cage Toku carried under one arm. Within, Toturi the Black Chicken clucked indignantly. We'd finally found the Hidden Emperor, lost in a castle full of some rather odd ninjas. Unfortunately, he was still a chicken and we were still no closer to returning him to the throne.

"Yo, yo yo!" called out a voice. We all turned.

"Not this guy again," Sanzo groaned.

Daidoji Karasu sauntered up to us, dragging his bow on the ground behind him with one hand. "Whassup, g's?" he asked, cocking his shoulders and flashing Crane signals with one hand, "Yeah, yeah, boys! Dorai's in the house!"

"Karasu, I know we've told you about this before," Dorai sighed, "You have to stop talking like that. You don't sound like a Crane. It's exactly that sort of behavior that's ruining our credibility in the courts, Daidoji."

Karasu looked at him blankly for a moment. "You're just jealous 'cause my science is so tight," he sneered and walked off toward the castle.

"Kids," Turi growled.

"The new generation of Cranes," Dorai agreed, "We seem to be becoming violent, militant. We're losing our connection with the old ways."

"It happens," I said sadly, "People change, times change. Besides, if you woke up every morning and everything was the same, why would you need to get out of bed?"

"Hm," Dorai said, "A nice philosophical point, Garou, but did you notice the severed heads on our front lawn?" Dorai pointed.

"Yeah," I said, a little embarrassed, "I noticed those."

We followed Dorai and his retinue into the halls of Doji Castle. Sanzo, Toku, Turi and I dropped back behind Dorai's party a bit to look around.

"Looks just like I remember it," Sanzo said.

"I dunno," Toku replied, "There are an awful lot of armed guards and weapons all over the place."

"Yeah," Sanzo said, "It reminds me of the White Zombie concert we saw here."

"Huh?" Turi said, hand on the hilt of his katana, "What white zombies?"

"Oh, this was before we met you, Turi," I said, "We were a lot more anachronistic back then."

"Ah," Turi replied, "Well, anyway, it's been nice hanging out with you fellows but now that you're all safe, I really must be on my way."

"You're leaving?" Toku asked.

"Well, yeah," Turi said, "I have to go reunite the Lion Clan and stuff."

"You can't leave!" Sanzo said.

"Why not?" Turi said, turning with a bewildered look on his face.

"We have to have a Lion in the group!" Sanzo said, "Without you we don't have all four personality dynamics! We need an aggressive! An Id! The humor value will suffer without someone to beat up Toku!"

"What in Jigoku is he talking about?" Turi said, looking at me.

"Sanzo just does this sometimes," I said, "I think it's the stupid bloodswords he carries around. They never bothered me much, but Sanzo..."

"Ah," Turi said again, "Well, if that will be all then good day every--" Turi froze in his tracks as he turned to leave. His eyes fixed on the end of the hall.

"What?" Toku asked, looking in the same direction, "What's wrong?"

"That man," Turi said, pointing, "THAT MAN is what's wrong."

"It's just some old Crane," I said, looking at the old man as he disappeared down the hallway.

"No," Turi said grimly, "That "old Crane" was none other than Akodo Kage, the traitorous Kolat Master. I'd know his face anywhere. I think I'll stick around for awhile."

"Glimpse of Kage," Sanzo said, "Discard a fate card!"

"Sanzo, stop doing that," Turi snapped. We kept walking down the hall.

"Wow!" Toku said as we entered the court of the Doji Champion, "Look at all the pretty ladies!"

"No, Toku," Dorai said politely, "Those aren't ladies, those are courtiers."

"What is the meaning of this?" roared a large, bald samurai seated at the head of the court, "Who are these intruders in my house?"

"Intruders in da house!" sang Daidoji Karasu behind us.

"Shut up, Karasu," the bald samurai commanded.

"My lord Kuwanan," Dorai said, bowing politely, "These are my guests. Matsu Turi, Sanzo, Captain of the Imperial Guard Toku, and Garou, formerly of the Crab. Garou comes to us offering his fealty."

"Does he," Kuwanan rumbled, sitting back in his throne and scrutinizing me carefully. "Is he a courtier?"

"No," I said, "But I could learn."

Kuwanan picked up a medium sized tea table and threw it at my head. I saw stars and fell on the floor.

"I don't NEED any more courtiers!" Kuwanan roared, "I'm up to my eyeballs in courtiers! Look at all of them!"

The courtiers chittered to one another behind their fans like nervous monkeys. There were a heck of a lot of them.

"Useless! All of them!" Kuwanan continued, pacing back and forth across the room. "And I can't get rid of them! You know why?" He leaned down in my face, awaiting an answer. I could see the veins pulsing in his forehead.

"No, why?" I said, wiping the blood off my face and rising to my feet.

"Because they're all my relatives," Kuwanan said, slumping his shoulders in defeat. "My sister would kill me if I did anything to them. What she says goes. So they stay."

The courtiers snickered and giggled, shooting each other triumphant looks as they chewed on little tea cookies.

"But I don't understand," Sanzo said, folding his arms, "If you're the Champion, why do you have to listen to your sister?"

Everyone in the room suddenly fell silent, even the courtiers, their eyes full of fear and fixed on Sanzo.

"Don't -ever- mess with my sister," Kuwanan said, a slight quaver of terror in his voice, "Do that and next thing you know, you'll find yourselves in the middle of the Shadowlands with a tattoo, a bloodsword, and half the Empire out to kill you. She has ways of making whatever she wants happen."

"Actually," Sanzo said, "All that stuff's already happened to us."

"Hm," Kuwanan said, "Sucks to be you. Anyway, we don't need any more courtiers, Crab. Beat it."

"Actually," I said, "I'm a shugenja. I can cast Earthquake, Jade Strike, Sympathetic Energies, and a variety of other useful spells."

"Screw that," Kuwanan said quickly, "Can you cast Flee?"

"What?" I asked.

"-Flee- -The- -Darkness-," Kuwanan said, "You know that one?"

"Um, no," I said, "Never heard of it."

Kuwanan sighed, and turned his back. "Get lost," he said, "We haven't got time for this."

The courtiers giggled and chatted among themselves.

"And you guys shut up," Kuwanan said, pointing with one finger, "Just cause I have to let you live here doesn't mean I have to like it. Torikago, wipe that smirk off your face 'fore I do it for you." He pointed at another courtier. "Yogoso! Yogoso, shut up! Don't even think about it."

"We should probably go," Dorai whispered, "He's in a mood."

Turi glanced around the room another time, taking in everything as he searched for Kage. Then he turned and followed us out of the court, slipping away as soon as we got into the hall.

"I'm really sorry about that, Garou," Dorai said, "I really thought Kuwanan would be glad to have you in the Clan. After all, he's getting more violent every day and who knows violence better than a Crab?"

"Thanks," I said dryly.

"It's just a shame you didn't get in," Toku said, looking at Toturi in his cage, "You might have gotten the other Asahina to try to fix Toturi with their magic."

"Not likely," Dorai sniffed, "All they seem to be casting these days is 'Flee the Darkness' this, 'The Great Silence' that. Geez. Sometimes I wonder why I stick around. You ever wonder that, Garou?"

"What's that?" I asked, not really paying attention.

"Wonder why you put up with idiots being in charge, not doing anything about it?" Dorai said, "You ever wonder about that?"

"Er, yeah, I guess maybe I do, Dorai," I said.

"Hm," Dorai mumbled, "Perhaps we could use someone like him in the Program."

"What was that?" Sanzo asked.

"Er, nothing," Dorai said quickly, "Let's be off to Otosan Uchi."

So we left the court of the Doji. Sanzo tried to encourage me to stay for a couple more days and try out my tattoo on the Crane girls. I had to say 'no' to that. It seemed a little irresponsible and anyway that thing never seemed to cause me anything but trouble. A few days later the bright and shining city of Otosan Uchi appeared on the horizon. As we passed through one of the outer hub villages, Matsu Turi joined us again, looking irritated.

"Where've you been, Turi?" Toku asked.

"Where's Asahina Dorai?" Turi asked brusquely.

"He's riding ahead with Sanzo," I said, "They're talking about horse racing."

"Horse racing!" Toku said, "There you go! I told you Dorai was a mobster, Garou! Mobsters are all into horse racing."

"Then that would mean all the Unicorns are mobsters, too, Toku. That would just be silly." Toku looked crestfallen. "So what did you find, Turi?"

"Akodo Kage was nowhere to be seen," Turi said, "He must have noticed me and fled the castle."

"There you go!" Toku said, pointing at Turi, "Akodo Kage! The Kolat Master! A mobster! In the Crane Court! How much more proof do you need?"

"Just because Turi saw Kage doesn't mean all the Cranes are Kolat, Toku."

"By the Thunders, I wish it did!" Turi said dreamily, massaging the hilt of his katana.

"Well, okay," Toku said, "Fine. Don't believe me. Just you wait, though. This'll be just like the time I told you guys that Agasha Nabe was an oni."

"Agasha Nabe wasn't an oni," I said.

"He wasn't?" Toku asked.

"No," I said, "Agasha Nabe was just an idiot."

"Oh," Toku replied, "Well, that was probably what I meant, then."

"Let me ask you something, Toku," Turi said suddenly.

"Okay, shoot," Toku replied.

"You are the Captain of the Imperial Guard, correct?" the Lion asked.

"That's right," Toku said, patting the top of the black chicken's cage, "Chief bodyguard to Lord Toturi the First!"

"I see," Turi said, "Now were you chosen for that position due to merit and ability or did you win some sort of contest?"

"Contest?" Toku asked, "You mean like a duel?"

"No, I mean like guessing how many jelly beans are in the jar or something," Turi added.

"Why do you ask?" Toku replied, a little irritated.

"You... how do I put this," Turi mused, "You just don't seem the sort of person I'd hire to be Captain of the Guard. Not my first, pick, at least. No offense."

"Actually, I get that a lot," Toku said, looking down at the ground, "Obviously you've never met Toturi. That reminds me. Since I'm the Captain and all, I'd probably better ride ahead and check on my men, let them know that we're here and everything."

As Toku rode off, Turi looked to me, disbelief in his eyes. I just shrugged. I'd long since resigned myself to the bizarre quirks of Toturi's Army. The Imperial Guard marched out from the city to meet us, their polearms clicking on the cobbled street as they approached. I felt relieved to be in the capital at last, to have the Imperial Guard at our side and have nothing standing between us and returning the black chicken to where he belonged.

"Hey Garou!" chirped the leader of the approaching soldiers, "How's it going?" I closed my eyes and shook my head, counted to ten, then looked down from my horse.

Makashi grinned up at me, adjusting the ratling-skin belt about his waist. The last time I'd seen him, he tried to shoot me so I hit him with my tetsubo and tied him to the back of a horse.

"Hey, Makashi," I said, "No hard feelings, eh?"

"Of course not," Makashi said merrily, "Welcome to Otosan Uchi. You're all under arrest."

TO BE CONTINUED...

I sincerely hoped that this would be the last time I'd be marched into the Imperial Palace with a naginata pointed at my back.

"This sucks," Sanzo said, glancing back at the guardsman behind him, "I hope they give me my bloodsword back when this is over."

"Hey, shut up!" spat the guard, a skinny little goateed guy who hardly fit in his bulky armor.

"Huh huh," Makashi chuckled, "You tell 'em, Hasame! You jest tell 'em."

"Hey, lay off of Sanzo," I said, "I'm the one you've got a problem with Makashi. If you want to settle it, you go through me."

Makashi leered. "We'll deal with you in time, Yasuki Garou. You're under arrest."

"Yeah, you said that already," I said, "but you haven't told us what the charges are. Besides, it's just Garou now."

"You're, um..." Makashi glanced around, "Hasame?"

"They're under arrest," Hasame finished.

"Yeah, that's it," Makashi said, "You're under arrest."

"I don't believe you two are Imperial Guardsmen," Matsu Turi said, shaking his head as he stared down Hasame's spearpoint, "They have to stop hiring high school students part-time. Oh, and I was wondering. Are you two brothers, or cousins?" Turi paused. "Or both."

"Hey!" Makashi barked, "You be quiet! You're my prisoner!"

"I'm no one's prisoner," Turi replied, arching a massive eyebrow.

"Well..." Makashi hesitated, "I guess that's true in a way. Takuan only ordred us to arrest these two. But you still have to do what we say. We're magistrates."

"So am I," Turi replied, flashing his badge, "And since I found Sanzo and Garou first, perhaps I should take them into custody myself."

Makashi and Hasame looked at each other.

"Well, we're IMPERIAL Magistrates," Hasame said, nodding pertly, "So we outrank you. They're our jurisdiction."

"Yes," Turi said, "That may well be. But you must keep in mind that I am bigger than you both." He cracked his knuckles.

"The Army of Toturi the First does not respond to threats, Lion!" Makashi proclaimed boldly.

"Er, I dunno, Makashi," Hasame said, laying his spear down on the ground, "He IS pretty big."

"Hasame, you coward!" Makashi replied, "Fine! Run like the ronin dog you are! The rest of you men, take Matsu Turi into custody."

The rest of the guardsmen had already gone back inside the palace, leaving Makashi by himself.

"So?" Turi asked, looming over the tiny Mantis.

"Er..." Makashi flinched a bit under the huge Lion's gaze, "I guess it wouldn't do me any good to beg you to step aside in the name of the Emperor?"

"I think you know where to stick that Imperial Favor," Turi said. Makashi nodded pathetically, put Sanzo's bloodsword down, and quickly walked away.

"Well, gentlemen," Turi said, turning to us with a broad smile on his face, "I think your difficulties with the authorities are at an end. Shall we away to the Palace?" He turned and headed off toward the gates of Otosan Uchi.

"He's definitely more subtle than Agetoki," Sanzo whispered to me, tucking his sword under his obi, "Agetoki would have just beat them all unconscious."

"Yeah," I replied, "but those senseless beatings always had a certain charm to them." Sanzo shrugged noncommittally, having been on the receiving of more than his share of those beatings.

I wondered briefly where Agetoki was now, If he'd gone on to a better place. I wondered how we'd get along without him. I'd known the hot-headed Matsu for a long time, and I considered him one of my best and truest friends despite his constant outbursts of berserker violence. Matsu Turi was noble, brave, and courageous; in a lot of ways he was like Agetoki. Of course it wasn't the same. Our friend was gone. I'd miss him.

We proceeded through the gates toward the Palace. When we arrived in the courtyard Toku was there, speaking heatedly with a pretty young woman that I realized a moment later was just an extraordinarily effeminate looking young man. Miscellaneous courtiers and samurai wandered the garden in the courtyard, admiring the beautiful evening.

"But you have to admit me to the court!" Toku said, "It's important!" Under one arm he clutched the birdcage holding the black chicken that was once Emperor Toturi the first. (If you missed the rest, just bear with me. It's a long, long story).

"I'm sorry, sir," the man replied in a pseudo-polite voice, "but the court is very busy at the moment trying to choose a successor to the throne. You'll just have to make an appointment and come back another time."

"But if you let me in you won't HAVE to choose a successor!" Toku shouted, "I have the Emperor right here!" He dangled the cage in the young man's face.

"That's a chicken," he said.

"A rooster, actually," Sanzo corrected.

"Is this some sort of joke?" the man asked.

"We don't have time for this," Turi said abruptly, "Listen, little girl, why don't you go fetch the Emerald Champion. I wish to report to him directly."

"I AM the Emerald Champion," the man said, tossing back his long, black hair, "Seppun Toshiken at your service."

Turi just stared at him for a long moment. "Oh, you are not," he said.

"Why does everyone say that to me?" Toshiken replied, pouting a little.

"It's okay," Toku said, "I get that a lot, too."

"Why's that?" Toshiken asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm Toku, the Captain of the Guard!" Toku replied, quite a bit miffed, "I told you that already!"

"Oh," Toshiken replied, "I must not have been listening."

"So how do you get a gig like Emerald Champion?" Turi asked, "Just out of curiosity. I mean, I've been a magistrate for years and never saw promotion one. And here you are, out of the clear blue, the man in charge. You have relatives in the palace or something?"

"Well, my mom's a Seppun," Toshiken admitted, "But my dad... Well nobody knows who my dad is." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that a Crane courtier had overheard our conversation, and was looking off to the side and blushing with a little smile on his face. "Wow," I thought to myself, "That must be Toshiken's dad. And Toshiken doesn't even know. Life is funny."

Then I saw the Shiba samurai nearby, oblivious to the courtier, listening in on our conversation with the same expression. Had to be a coincidence.

Then I looked around the rest of the courtyard and two lions, six Mantis, all the Cranes, and a small goat over by the pond had the same embarrassed little grin. "Wow," observed Sanzo, who had also noticed, "I need to meet Toshiken's mom." I just ignored that.

"Hey fellas!" called out a voice, "Boy, it's good to see you three back in town!"

We all turned to see the weary and unshaven face of Takuan, the Imperial Regent. It looked like he hadn't eaten in several days, and his kimono was covered with tea stains with big sweat rings under the arms. He smiled weakly.

"Hi, Takuan," I said, bowing low to disguise the bewildered look on my face. Toshiken, Turi, Toku, and Sanzo did the same.

"So, um..." he began, "Let me start off by apologizing for calling out the Imperial manhunt on you guys and all that. I wasn't really going to have you guys executed or anything, I was just scared that you might have lost Toturi after all and, well, we sort of really need him back right now. The Palace is a mess without him. The Lion try to flatter me. The Crane try to push me around. The Phoenix just keep trying to get the whole court to swear fealty to them. That little Banu guy just whines all the time and the skinny Mantis is always trying to push me around. And don't even get me started on the Scorpions."

"Takuan-sama," Toshiken said politely, "There aren't any Scorpions."

"There aren't?" Takuan asked, his red-rimmed eyes wide.

"No, sir," Toshiken said, "You banished them to the desert, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Takuan said with a sigh, "Man, I need to get more sleep. Anyway, nobody seems to pay attention to me. Man, Toku, now I know what it feels like to be you."

"Cool!" Toku said.

"But to business," Takuan continued, rubbing his hands together eagerly, "you guys brought back Toturi, right? I get to stop being regent and everything's cool now?"

"Yessir!" Toku said, proudly displaying the birdcage, "Just as soon as we change him back from a chicken."

"That's really funny, Toku," Takuan said, no hint of humor showing on his face, "Garou, where's the real Toturi?"

"That's him," I said, "We turned him into a chicken."

Takuan's jaw dropped open. A thin line of drool dangled from his upper lip.

"It was an accident," Sanzo offered.

"Toshiken," Takuan said, his eyes staring at nothing, "Come with me for a minute."

"Why?" Toshiken asked, "What's up, boss?"

"Um, nothing," Takuan mumbled, his hand on the hilt of his wakizashi, "Just bring your katana, okay?"

The regent and the Emerald Champion wandered off to another part of the garden. "What do you think that was all about?" Sanzo asked.

"Probably nothing to do with us," I said, "Let's get Toturi back into the palace. I'm sure somebody in there will know what to do."

We entered the Imperial Palace, depositing our weapons and Sanzo's chain wallet at the door. We quickly made our way to the main court, entering the rear of a massive chamber filled with courtiers from every major and minor clan.

"Man," Sanzo said, "It looks like they're sold out."

"Okay," I said, "There's got to be somebody here that knows how we can fix the Emperor. We'll sneak around the side and make our way to the front, then we have to try to get their attention somehow."

"Let me handle that," Turi said, "I'm good at that."

So we proceeded through the crowd, shoving our way through skinny Crane courtiers and burly Crab diplomats alike, leaving a trail of mumbled I-beg-your-pardons and excuse-mes as we went. Soon we were near the front of the crowd. On the dais before the throne stood a fat man in brown robes and a skinny, bald man in a green kimono.

"I've never seen those two before," I said, "Who are they?"

"Yoritomo Hogosha, the Mantis diplomat," Toku said, "and Otomo Banu, cousin to Hantei the 39th."

"Cousin of Hantei?" Sanzo asked, "Does that mean he's Fu Leng or was that just a one time sort of thing?"

"I'm not sure," Toku said uncertainly, "I could ask."

"I have the blood of Hantei!" Banu said proudly, his jowls flopping with glee, "I should be Emperor!"

"A fine argument," Hogosha said with a grin, "Of course we shall have to verify your claim. When my master, Yoritomo arrives we can have him inspect a sample of your blood personally to determine the truth of your claim. I'm sure he won't require more than a few quarts. Acceptable?"

"... No," Banu said with a frown, "I don't like that at all."

"Hey, leave Banu alone!" called out another voice, "You Mantis poophead."

"That's my girlfriend!" Toku said with a smile, "That's Osugi!" He tried to wave to her, but she didn't notice.

"Listen to the Phoenix, poophead," Banu said, laying a single hand upon the arm of the Jade Throne, "The throne is mine!"

"No, Banu-san," a deep voice proclaimed from the rear of the audience chamber, "It is mine."

Everyone in the room turned and suddenly the lights in the room dimmed. A thin man with white-blonde hair skidded to a halt to the side of the rear doors, an eager grin on his face.

"Kakita Yoshi," I said with a scowl, recognizing his face.

"That's the guy whose house we teepeed all the time in high school right?" Sanzo asked.

"Yeah," I said, "The class suckup. And he's up to something."

"Ladies and gentlemen and Rokugani of all ages!" Yoshi shouted at the top of his lungs, trying to whip the crowd into a wild frenzy, "Are you ready to ROCK?"

"Yeah!" shouted all the Cranes in the front row.

"I SAID are you ready to ROCK?" he repeated, yelling into his tessen and pumping the air with his fist.

"YEAH!" the crowd was louder this time. More people were yelling since people had yelled last time and it seemed like the sort of thing to do. Toku was yelling as loud as he could, and Sanzo punched him in the ribs.

"IIIII CAAAAAN'T HEEEEEEAAR YOOOOOUUUUU!" Yoshi said. All around him, shugenja began summoning smoke and flashing lights to enshroud the entrance dramatically.

"Oh, shut up and get on with it, Crane," Turi grumbled amid the cheering and shouting of the court.

"Well here he is!" Yoshi proclaimed, "You wanted the best, you got the best! The hottest Emperor in the world..." A tall, muscular silhouette stepped into the doorway.

"Oh god, no," I said.

"TOTURI!" Yoshi screamed, leaping into the air as Toturi the first charged into the chamber, running down the central aisle and slapping high fives with all the courtiers. He did a lap around the central dais, stood up on one of the arms of the Jade Throne, and cupped his hand around his ear to hear the applause. When the crowd cheered even more wildly, he hopped on the other arm and did it again. Then he ripped off his kimono with his bare hands and threw it into the crowd, where Otaku Tetsuko caught it and clutched it to her cheek with a squeal of delight.

"He certainly is quite the statesman," I remarked.

"What the hell is going on?" Sanzo whispered to me, "If that's Toturi, then what in the name of Junzo have we been chasing all over Rokugan for the last year?!?"

"Hold on, Sanzo," I said, watching the Emperor carefully, "Something's not right here."

Toturi held his fists up to the crowd for a final ovation, then threw himself back in the Jade Throne with his leg over one of its arms. "Man, oh, man!" he said loudly, "Is it nice to be home." He looked around the room for a minute. "Man, it's so bare in here," he said, "Hey, Yoshi, you think we could move in some skulls and bats and stuff, sort of spruce the place up?" "Anything you say, Emperor!" Yoshi said happily.

"And hey..." Toturi said, looking around the room with a relaxed expression, "How many clans we up to?"

"Excuse me, your Highness?" Banu asked.

"How many clans do we have?" Toturi asked, "How many are left?"

"Well, let's see," Hogosha replied, "Crab, Crane, Dragon, Lion, Mantis, Phoenix, Unicorn, and I suppose in hindsight an apology to the Scorpion would be in order so that makes eight, your Highness."

"And how many little ones?" Toturi asked.

"Er... let's see..." Hogosha replied, "I can never remember them all... Fox, Wasp, Sparrow, Panda, Badger, Tortoise, Boar, Falcon, Centipede, Dragonfly, Hare..."

"No, doofus," Banu said acidly, "The Hare and the Boar are both gone, and there never even was a Panda Clan."

"Wasn't there?" Hogosha replied, "I thought there was."

"No, you made that up," said the fat little courtier.

"Irrelevant!" Toturi declared, "There just aren't enough. We need more."

"More, sire?" Banu asked.

"Yes, so here's the thing," Toturi said, "I'm going to think of a number between one and eighty-three. Whoever comes closest without going over gets their own minor clan! Ready? Go!"

The room became a cacophony of shouts as everyone started screaming numbers at the top of their lungs. "He's crazy!" Sanzo whispered to me, "He's worse than the real Toturi!"

"Hold up, hold up!" Toturi said, silencing the crowd with an outstretched hand, "Who said thirty-two?"

The room fell into an expectant buzz of conversation as everyone looked for the winner.

And Toku raised his hand.

"Congratulations, little guy," Toturi said, "Consider yourself Monkey Clan Champion."

And everyone laughed. Toku blushed with happiness, oblivious to the mockery of the court. "Wow," he said, "That's the same way I got to be Captain of the Guard."

"I knew it!" said Turi.

"So what's the deal with this guy?" Sanzo whispered to me, "Is it really Toturi or what? What's going on?" "I don't know," I said, "There's something damn familiar about him, though. I've almost got it figured out."

"Yeah, well let me know when you do," Sanzo said, "I'll be hitting on the Battle Maidens."

"So, your Highness?" a tiny voice asked, "May I ask you a question?"

"Sure, little girl," Toturi said, "Come on up here."

"Hey!" Toku said happily, jumping up and down and pointing, "That's Osugi! That's my girlfriend!"

The young girl walked up to the dais, nervously smiling at the Emperor.

"What's your question?" he asked.

"Like, where have you been?" she asked.

"KOLAT!" he screamed, leaping out of his throne, drawing his sword, and lopping off her head.

"He--" Toku whimpered.

"Amaterasu!" exclaimed a Lion courtier in the front row, "You just--- you just, you just--" "KOLAT!" Toturi screamed, lopping off the Lion's head, too.

"Your highness!" shrieked a Crane.

"Goodness me!" swooned an Ide diplomat.

"How could he!" remarked an indignant Mantis.

"KOLAT! KOLAT! KOLAT!" Toturi growled, working his way down the front row. A few discreet eta quickly gathered up the heads as he went and stacked them neatly by the Jade Throne.

"Will Osugi be okay?" Toku asked quietly.

"Anybody else?" Toturi snarled, his gaze switching back and forth across the room. His eyes finally settled on me, and I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"YOU!" he said, pointing at me with his katana. Turi swiftly grabbed my shoulder and pulled me out of the way so the whole crowd thought he was pointing at Makashi. Two Imperial Guardsmen quickly pummeled the Mantis unconscious at the Emperor's behest. That was pretty amusing, but now Toturi was heading for me personally.

And then ten chimes rang out from the Unicorn clock in the corner.

"Uh oh," Toturi said, a fearful look in his gaze. He dropped his katana on the floor and scampered out the back exit, nearly tripping on his heads.

"Well, that's a dark omen if I ever saw one," I said.

"Will Osugi be okay?" Toku asked again.

"Toku, shut up," Sanzo said, rubbing the bruise Otaku Tetsuko had left on his chin.

"Well," Turi said, his mouth set in a grim line, "This has taken an odd turn, Garou. What's our next move?"

I didn't even hesitate. I knew exactly what to do. "We get out of here," I said, "and fast."

"Dude, she had her head chopped off," Sanzo said, shaking his head, "It's over."

"You don't know that, Sanzo!" Toku replied with a sniff, "It could have been a spell! It could've been a... been a... a fake head. It could have been all sorts of stuff."

"Dude, listen," Sanzo said, "Your girlfriend was a Kolat and the emperor chopped off her head. Time to get a new girlfriend. That's what I would do."

"I can't do that!" Toku replied, "I gotta go avenge her!" Toku turned and looked back toward the palace.

"The only thing you gotta do is keep that smelly, noisy chicken away from me, Toku," Sanzo shot back.

"Do you two ever shut up?" Matsu Turi snapped over his shoulder, "Garou and I are trying to figure out our next move here!"

"You shouldn't let that guy talk to you like that," Sanzo said quietly to Toku, "You're a daimyo now."

Toku smiled suddenly. "Hey, that's right!" he said, "I'm Monkey Clan Champion!"

"Toku," Turi said with a slight shake of his head, "As a rule, you should never listen to Sanzo."

"Why not?" Toku asked, bewildered.

"You'll just end up getting yourself hurt," Turi said.

"I don't see how," Toku replied, scratching his scraggly little mustache.

"Well, I'll hurt you," Turi said, "and you'll have yourself to blame."

"Oh," Toku said and he was quiet.

"You sure you're not related to Agetoki?" I asked Turi.

"Only distantly," he said, "Why?"

"Never mind," I replied, looking around. A thick swarm of people bustled all around us, filling the streets of Otosan Uchi. The news had spread about Toturi's return, and now everyone was out talking to everyone else about it. Which was good, since the crowd gave us some cover to escape the city before the insane ninja emperor found us again.

"We need to find that Asahina Dorai person," Turi said, "I think he may have something to do with Akodo Kage, and I will not leave the city until we find him."

"He's a gangster!" Toku said suddenly, "Maybe he's a Kolat! Maybe Toturi was trying to get him and he missed and hit Osugi's neck instead."

"Toku, what did I just tell you?" Turi asked with a sigh.

"Sorry," Toku replied, covering his mouth.

"Well, I'm undecided about your suspicions, guys," I said, "But Dorai sure did help us out back in the Morikage forest. It would be wrong to leave him behind here in the ninja city."

"My ears are burning!" called out a voice from behind us, "Someone talking about me?" The young Crane shugenja was approaching us from the direction of the merchant's quarter. At his side walked a large samurai in a dark blue kimono, who glared at us coldly.

"Hey, Dorai," Sanzo said, "'Sup?" He flashed a few Crane gang signs that Daidoji Karasu had taught him.

Dorai just looked at Sanzo for a moment. "Anyway," he said, "I'd like you fellows to meet a good friend of mine. He's going to accompany us out of the city. Garou, Toku, Sanzo, Turi, I'd like you to meet Kado. Say hello, Kado."

Kado glanced at Dorai, then each of us quickly. "Do they know?" he snapped, "Do they know about that?"

"Know about what?" Dorai asked, raising one eyebrow.

"About 'hello.' I thought 'hello' was part of the Program. Our secret greeting message. How did they find out about that? Should I deal with them? You can never be too careful!" His hand darted to the hilt of his katana.

"Er," Dorai chuckled and quickly moved between Turi and Kado. "The word 'hello' is actually common knowledge, Kado. You can relax."

"Ah," Kado said, straightening his kimono with an embarrassed grin. "I apologize. So are you guys all Kolat too?"

Dorai punched Kado in the kidneys, and the large samurai crumpled to the ground with a groan.

"What did I tell you?" Toku asked, triumphant, "What did I tell you?" "Explain yourself, Crane," Turi snarled.

"Heh heh, Wombat!" Dorai said quickly, "He said 'Wombat.' He thinks I'm in the Wombat Clan. He keeps forgetting I'm a Crane."

"Of course he does," Turi narrowed his eyes, "How silly of me." The big Lion magistrate turned and headed off toward the city gates, expecting us all to follow.

"Here you go, dude," Sanzo said, helping Kado to his feet and handing him something, "This fell out of your pocket when you went down."

"Thanks," Kado said, snatching the golden goblet away from Sanzo and looking around warily.

"Is that jade?" Sanzo asked, "It's really nice."

"Yes," Kado said mechanically, stuffing the goblet into his kimono, "It fell off a truck." He turned and followed after Dorai.

I paused a moment before following as well, an odd feeling in the back of my mind. I looked around through the crowd around me. A large samurai quickly turned away and darted into a distant alley. He was far away, and gone in a moment, but he looked like the brown-masked samurai that had knocked out Goju Adorai back in Morikage Castle. Looked like he was following us.

"Weird," I said, and ran to catch up with the others. Turi was by far in the lead, walking briskly toward the city gates. He looked like he had some sort of mission in mind, so I hurried to catch up with him. "What's going on?" I asked.

"Dorai," Turi said, "I want to be a good distance out of the city when I cut him down."

"You're going to kill Dorai?" I replied, shocked.

"You heard what they said back there, Garou," Turi replied, "As much as it scares me, Toku was right. They're both Kolats. They can't be trusted, not even to lead me to Kage. They must be killed."

"Well..." I said, looking back uncertainly, "Are you sure?"

"Am I sure?" Turi scoffed, "His stupid friend came right out and said it!"

"Yeah, but that's the thing," Garou said, "I know I sure wouldn't want to be held accountable for all the stuff my stupid friends say. Look at Sanzo."

"Point taken," Turi grunted noncommittally. "But you must be blind, Garou. Even Toku can see that those fools are Kolats."

"Well, maybe they are," I said, "I'm just not quite so bloodthirsty about it. After all, what's a Kolat anyway? What have they ever done?"

Turi laughed out loud. "They are drug peddlers, assassins, smugglers, cutthroats, spies, and racketeers!" Turi exclaimed, "They are the worst kind of scum!"

"Sounds like my family," I said with a grin, "Remember, I'm a Yasuki."

Turi blinked. "What are you getting at, Garou."

"Just that sometimes criminals are the most trustworthy people," I said, "You always know where you stand with them, at least. Besides, we're the only ones in Rokugan who know that the Emperor's not himself. Half of Rokugan would drop whatever they're doing and swarm off to kill us at Toturi's command. We can't afford to be choosy about who our allies are right now."

"You certainly talk like a Yasuki," Turi said, shaking his head, "Your reasoning reminds me greatly of that scoundrel Taka."

I figured it would probably not be a good idea to bring up the fact that Yasuki Taka was my uncle.

We passed out of the city without incident. The guards looked us over curiously when they saw us coming, but Turi flashed his magistrate badge and glowered fiercely enough that they decided they didn't want to mess with us.

"So where are we headed next?" Sanzo asked.

"I don't know," Turi said, turning around and looking at the Crane, "Where are *you* headed next, Asahina?"

"I was going to visit some relatives of mine," the Crane replied, "In the western Hub Village."

"That's classified information!" Kado exclaimed, "Now they have to die! They'll find out all about the-"

Kado's sentence ended abruptly as Dorai kneed him in the groin.

"Wow," Toku said, picking up the thing that had fallen out of Kado's pocket, "That's the Fan of Command!"

"No, it just looks a lot like it!" Kado snapped, snatching back the fan, "It fell off a truck."

"Anyway," Dorai continued, clearing his throat and composing himself, "We're headed west."

"Funny," Turi said, "We're headed the same way. Why don't you lead on."

We continued on, away from Otosan Uchi, on toward Mura Nishi Chushin, the western hub of the empire's great capitol. Though still rich with splendor and beauty, the hub villages were much smaller and more reserved. The people of the hub came from all walks of life, merchant, peasant, eta, samurai. All worked and traded side by side. I liked it a lot. It reminded me a little of the Yasuki Estates, but with less oni and ratlings.

"The place we are looking for is this way," Kado said, pointing off toward a dark alleyway, "You can all follow me."

"That will be fine, Kado," Dorai said.

Sanzo snickered.

"Yes?" Kado said, his head whipping around as he glared at Sanzo, "Do you have some sort of problem, ronin?"

"Nah, I just caught your name," Sanzo laughed again.

"What's so funny about my name?" Kado asked dangerously.

"I was just wondering..." Sanzo stifled another laugh, snorting loudly.

"Wondering what?" Kado asked.

"I was wondering if you could introduce me to the Green Hornet!" Sanzo burst into loud guffaws, collapsing on the ground and rolling around in the street.

Kado just looked at Sanzo curiously. "What does that mean?" he asked.

"Just ignore him," Dorai sighed, "Your life will be simpler."

Toku and I helped Sanzo to his feet and we followed them into the alley. Suddenly, everything was dead quiet. The sound of the city died away. Turi eyed Dorai and Kado suspiciously, but they seemed just as uneasy as we were. Kado pointed at a shack at the end of the alley, the door hanging open slightly in the wind.

"It looks like a trap..." Dorai said, "You go first, Toku."

Toku shrugged. "Okay," he said. He headed off toward the door.

"Toku!" I said, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around, "Where the heck are you going?"

"I was gonna go set off the trap," Toku said.

"Don't do that," I said, "That's stupid. You could get hurt."

"But you guys have me do that kind of thing all the time," Toku replied.

"That's different," Sanzo said, "We've known you longer."

"Fine," Dorai sighed, "Kado, go over there and look in the door."

Kado nodded and headed toward the door. He disappeared inside, and all was quiet for several moments.

"Well?" Sanzo said, "Let's go home."

"We can't leave," I said, "We have to find out what's going on... Someone has to go in."

"I nominate the Crane," Turi said, "Since his was his idea in the first place."

Dorai swallowed hard. "Well, all right," he said, looking at the door warily. The Crane gripped the handle of his katana and stepped slowly forward. He moved toward the door a step at a time, quietly, cautiously, taking in all of his surroundings. Finally he reached the door, and pushed it gently open with one hand.

"SURPRISE!" shouted several men and women, jumping out from behind the crates and doorways and showering the young shugenja with confetti.

Dorai had drawn his katana and cut several down where they stood before he realized what was going on and collapsed against the wall laughing.

"You guys!" he snorted, wiping some of the blood out of his hair.

"Er... happy birthday, Dorai," said one of the men, looking down at his severed arm. Blood squirted listlessly from the stump.

"I'm really sorry about the arm, Yazaki," Dorai said, wheezing with laughter, "You guys are the best, really."

"This looks bad, guys," Turi said quietly, "These guys could all be Kolat. We'd better be real careful."

"We will," Toku said solemnly.

"Go ahead and bring your friends inside," whispered a skinny man with tattoos all over his arms and torso, "We've got cake."

"Yay, cake!" Toku said, scampering past everyone and running into the shack.

So we followed Toku into the shack, the assembled Kolats all filing in around us. An old man at the door smiled and welcomed us and handed us each a plate of cake and a little noisemaker.

"Wow," Sanzo said to me, looking at his little noise maker, "Would this be a Kolat's favor?"

All around us, ordinary men and women were sitting around drinking punch and depositing presents on a large table. Turi scowled and stood with his back to the wall, convinced everyone was a Kolat. Kado approached the table, looked around, and started emptying his pockets.

"Happy birthday," he said, laying the Night Medallion, Gunsen of Water, a flying carpet, three crystal arrows, the Twelfth Black Scroll and the Terrible War Machine of Fu Leng on the table.

Everyone stared at him.

"They fell of a truck," he said.

"Garou?" Toku asked, turning to me, "What the heck is a truck?"

"It's a kind of bird," I said.

Dorai was the center of attention, laughing, chuckling, accepting gifts, and repeatedly apologizing for killing people. He gradually made his way over to me, separating himself from the other guests.

"Garou," he said, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Dorai," I said, "What's up?"

"You remember what we were talking about before, back in the Crane provinces? About how times seem to be changing?"

"I guess so, yeah. Why?"

"Well, Garou, I represent a certain faction that seeks to prevent the degradation of the empire, seeks to save us from ourselves. You seem like the sort of person who would work well with us. We are an ancient, exclusive, and secretive group, however, and you may not even be aware of our existence."

"You mean the Kolat, right?" I asked.

"Urt!" Dorai stuttered, smacking himself in the forehead, "Kado told you, right?"

"Um, no," I said, "Everybody knows about the Kolat."

"Heh, heh," Dorai chuckled nervously, "Er, 'everybody' who, exactly?"

"Everybody everybody," I replied, "It's common knowledge. Back in Otosan Uchi, Toturi was hacking down Kolats left and right. Heck, even Toku knows about you guys."

"Well, crap," Dorai said, sitting down heavily in a chair, "I didn't know about all that. Man, we're screwed."

"Hey, it's okay, Dorai," I said, "Just cause everybody knows about you guys now doesn't mean that it's over."

"The Kolat are a secret society, Garou," Dorai said pertly, "The key word is Œsecret.' You can't very well go around assassinating and kidnapping people if everyone knows who you are. And the poor sleepers..."

"Sleepers?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, "The people we've subliminally brainwashed to serve our purposes. Set to activate at a single command. I hope they'll be okay."

"That's ridiculous," I said, "That's like something out of a freaky adventure game or something. That sort of thing doesn't work."

"Yeah, okay Garou. Of course it doesn't," Dorai said. "Anyway, are you interested in being a Kolat or what?"

I thought about it a minute. "What do I have to do? Do I have to assassinate people and stuff?"

"Well, no, not necessarily," Dorai said, "I mean, maybe you will sometimes."

"Ah," I said, "It sounds like sort of a murky moral area to me."

"Trust me, Garou," Dorai said, "we never kill anybody that wasn't asking for it."

"I see," I said, looking for the door.

"We've got some pretty skilled shugenja, too. We might be able to help you with that chicken of yours."

"Where do I sign up?" I asked instantly.

"Follow me," Dorai said, "I'll take you to meet the boss."

Dorai led me to a room down the hall (it was a remarkably big shack) where two big guards covered the door. Dorai nodded to them and they stepped aside. We entered the dimly lit chamber, where an elderly man in earthy brown robes sat in a blackened throne. He wore the faded mon of the Akodo family upon the breast of his kimono.

"Master Kage," Dorai said, bowing low to the ground, "I have brought another potential candidate for the Program."

Kage just sat still, staring at us.

"His name is Garou, formerly of the Yasuki family. He is a shugenja and a skilled warrior. He has taken the power of a Dragon tattoo from Hitomi herself. He has fought against the forces of Fu Leng and the Dark Path of Shadow and lived to tell the tale."

Kage folded his hands and narrowed his eyes.

"Among his allies are a Lion magistrate of great power and skill, the Captain of the Imperial Guard, and a wielder of one of the fabled bloodswords. They are heroes of prophecy and legend."

Kage stroked his long white beard.

Dorai sighed and glanced back at me. "His Uncle is Yasuki Taka himself. He has many allies yet in the Hiruma family and hordes of Nezumi regard him as their greatest friend. I think he would be a powerful addition to the Program."

Kage just sat.

"Master?" Dorai asked tentatively.

"Eh?" Kage asked, blinking and shaking his head quickly, "Dorai? When did you get here?" He gave a creaky little chuckle and went back to staring at the wall.

"Master Kage has not been well since the Day of Thunder," Dorai said quietly, "Kyoso no Oni did something unspeakable to him and unhinged his mind somewhat."

"What did he do?" I asked.

"I don't know for sure," Dorai said, "But he won't stop smiling."

Kage smiled.

"See?" Dorai said, "It's creepy."

"Would you boys like some candy?" Kage asked, holding out a plate of little hard candies, "Maybe you can stick around a little while and we can watch Matlock?"

"Maybe later, Master," Dorai said, "I just dropped by to ask if I could begin Garou's training as a Kolat?"

"Hm?" Kage asked, "Sure, sure, why not?" he wheezed, "He's in. Not like it makes any difference. Young rapscallions don't have the time of day to visit an old man anymore. Just stick around long enough to learn the little telepathy trick and then you're gone. No gratitude."

"Telepathy trick?" I asked.

"I'll show you later," Dorai sighed, "Now let's get out of here before he tries to feed us his home-made pasta soup."

"Not so fast!" shouted a voice and Turi burst into the room with Sanzo and Toku behind him, "At last we meet, Akodo Kage."

"Oh, hello," Kage said, and waved.

"Not so fast!" shouted another voice and a door at the back of the room burst open. Five Kolat bodyguards burst into the room with muskets pointed at us.

"Aw, nuts," Turi said, and dropped his sword.

"Not so fast!" shouted yet another voice. Another door of the door of the chamber burst open and a tall samurai with a fearsome grey mask burst into the room, katana in hand. He disarmed all of the musketeers with a single stroke.

"You!" Kage shouted.

"You!" the samurai shouted.

"You!" Kage hissed.

"You!" the samurai hissed.

"Who are you?" Kage asked vaguely.

"I'm Kakita Toshimoko, you senile old moron!" he shouted, tearing off his mask and throwing it behind him. I saw Kado pick it up and put it in his pocket.

"Toshimoko!" I exclaimed, "You're alive!"

"Oh, hey, Garou, how's it going?" he asked, "How's the kidnapping thing going?"

"Not good," I said, "Shahai turned Toturi into a chicken."

"Again?" Toshimoko exclaimed, "That little... well, anyway, I can fix that, Garou. Just let me deal with the Kolat Master here real quick." Toshimoko charged toward Kage, sword drawn.

"Sanzo," Dorai said quickly, "Bah-weep-gragnah-weep-nini-bong."

Sanzo got a blank look on his face and stuck out a foot to trip Toshimoko. The Grey Crane fell to the floor with a thump.

"Ye silvery gods!" I exclaimed, "Sanzo's a sleeper!"

"Wha?" Sanzo said, shaking his head sleepily, "Where am I?"

"Not so fast!" shouted again yet another voice and a thin gaijin man leaped into the window with a crazed look on his face.

"Who?" everyone said at once.

"I am Alhundro Cornejo!" he shouted proudly, "I have miraculously returned and have come to destroy my ninja assassins!"

"We're not ninjas," Dorai said, "We're Kolat."

"Oh," Alhundro said, "Man is my face red."

"Get the Jigoku out of here, you moron!" Turi snarled.

"Actually, that's a dang good idea," Cornejo said, "Everybody better get out of here in fact."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Er..." Cornejo replied, blushing, "I made the fuse kind of short."

"What fuse?" Toku asked.

The building exploded.

TO BE CONTINUED...