HANTEI XXIII PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK
Yoritomo Field Hockey	Togashi Hoshi Senior Art Portfolio	Onnotangu Astronomy Club

So Sanzo nearly missed the War in the Heavens. When I asked him where he was, he just said, "Long story, now get up!"

I asked him later, but he wouldn't tell me what the "long story" was. He just sort of looked embarrassed and changed the subject. Well, it remained a mystery for some time. Sort of. Technically it wasn't really a mystery. A mystery is when you wonder about something and never really can find the answer and I have to admit I really didn't wonder where Sanzo was. Whatever he was up to was none of my business and would probably just give me a headache anyway. I'd learned better than to ask him too many questions.

Many years after the War in the Heavens, however, the "mystery" was finally solved. I was sitting in my accustomed place in the Imperial Palace, proofreading all of the Emperor's latest edicts and quietly editing out all commands for Cranes to melt in water like cotton candy and suchlike. Suddenly, there was a knock and the shoji screen slid aside. I glanced up to see a little man in colorful blue robes.

"Yes?" I said, adjusting my eyepatch as I looked up at my visitor.

"Fuzake-sama," the man said with a brief smile. "I was told you would be interested in this." He deposited a thick scroll with an elaborate silken case upon my desk. The ribbon it was tied with bore a simple name...

"The Legend of Nemutai Mori, a diary of Sanzo."

The date marked next to the title proclaimed that it had been written shortly before Hitomi's defeat of Lord Moon. This was what Sanzo had been doing while he was gone! I looked up to ask my visitor where he had obtained the scroll, but he was gone.

This is what Sanzo wrote...

THE LEGEND OF NEMUTAI MORI

BY SANZO

So I was, like, in the forest, right? It was a really dark forest and I was kind of scared but it was sort of pretty so that was okay. I was walking along with my hands in my pockets since I'd lost my horse again. Well, all right, I hadn't lost it. I knew right where it was but it happened to be in the middle of an army of Scorpions and Battle Maidens, neither of which are the sorts of people I have the best kind of track records with.

Also, I'd borrowed that funny bag of pearls from Garou [Editor's note: I KNEW IT!] and lost them all playing Pokemon for money against Yasuki Nokatsu. Dang. Well, I figured Garou would be pretty steamed since the pearls were a special gift from the Naga Champion Kamart (sic) so that was my clue to go on walkabout for a little while. I heard later on that Shinjo was trying to kill Garou for some reason but that really had nothing to do with my taking off, it really was a coincidence and stuff.

Anyways, I sort of walked randomly around Rokugan for a couple weeks till I ended up in this forest in the middle of the Phoenix mountains. I wasn't sure where it really was; sort of a middle of nowhere kind of place. Like I said, though, it was really pretty. There was just this kind of relaxed air about the place, like you could sit down under a tree and close your eyes and just worry about nothing. Unless you sat on a really bumpy root or something. Well, again, like I said, it was pretty. There were birds and stuff.

Actually, it wasn't always pretty. At night it could be downright creepy. The first night I was there, I started whistling to myself to sort of break the tension, and for a minute I thought the wind was whistling back. Then I thought I heard a ghost groan in the forest, but it turned out to be two branches rubbing against each other. Then I saw something white floating in a tree, but it was just a place where the bark had peeled away. And then the worst part - there was nobody to talk to. I'm a social kind of person, you know, despite my being a ronin and all that. I had all sorts of things I wanted to talk about and nobody to share them with. I tried talking to myself, but I knew what I was going to say and that was really annoying.

After a few hours of this, I happened upon a big palace in the middle of the forest. I was sure surprised to see it there. I was even more surprised when I heard a crack in the twigs off to my left. I looked down from the branch I had jumped up onto to see a pair of men striding down the forest path. Both were dressed in plain clothes, kinda shabby, without any mons or anything like that. I recognized one of them right away, so I hopped down to say hello.

"Hey, Kado!" I said happily. "What's happening?"

Kado's eyes went wide. He looked at the man walking next to him. "Should I kill him?" he said quickly.

"What?" I said. I wasn't sure I'd heard him quite clearly.

The second man held a restraining hand out to Kado and smiled at me pleasantly. I could see that he was a distinguished looking older man with his hair tied into a topknot. His face was kind of wind-burnt and he had a bow-legged sort of walk. I guessed that he was either a Unicorn or a really nasty old Crane geisha. "No, Kado," the man said with a forced smile. "No killing on the temple grounds. The last thing we need are more damn ghosts hanging around. Hello, my friend, how are you doing?"

"Hi," I said. If this guy was a Unicorn, I sure didn't want him to know I was a friend of Garou's. Not with Shinjo still after me. I quickly devised a clever alias. "My name's Sanzo." Oops. Picked my real name.

"Sanzo?" the man who wasn't Kado said. "That name sounds familiar. What clan are you from?"

"Er... Crane," I said. Kado didn't really know me all that well so he didn't know I was lying.

"What family?"

"Uh, just Crane," I said. I couldn't think of any Crane family names. Dangit. "Yeah, I'm just a generic sort of Crane. That's me. They call me Sanzo Crane."

"I see," the man said.

"Hey," I said, looking at him a bit more closely. "You look kind of familiar. Do I know you?"

"Sure, you do!" Kado said. "It's Shinjo Yokatsu, the guy who brainwa--"

Kado fell down. The other man was massaging the knuckles on his right hand and scowling. He suddenly smiled again and bowed to me. "Kado's such a prankster," he said.

"Are you really Shinjo Yokatsu?" I asked, all excited. I'd never met a real daimyo before, unless you count Kuwanan and Tsukune, and I don't."

"Um, no," he said rapidly glancing around. "I'm a Shinjo Yokatsu impersonator. I do a lot of work in bars and stuff. 'Look, I'm the Master of the Four Winds! Yeeha!'" He did the little bronco-buster dance, dancing back and forth while holding one hand on some invisible reins and slapping his own butt with the other. This went on for several minutes.

"Hey, that's pretty good, man," I said. "You look just like one of those stupid Unicorns."

He suddenly glared at me, then laughed. "Of course I do," he said. "Um. Dumb old Unicorns. My name is... Jinkotsu. I'm pleased to meet you, Sanzo."

"How do you know Kado?" I asked him curiously.

"Old friend of the family," he said.

"Oh," I replied. "Did you know he was a kolat and stuff?"

Jinkotsu's mouth pressed into a firm line. He glared at Kado's unconscious body, then smiled at me again. "No, I didn't know that. Why, you learn something new every day, don't you? Now let's get to the Hidden Temple -er - I mean my uncle's house before nightfall."

"But Kado's asleep," I said, pointing at the unconscious man.

"He certainly is," Jinkotsu said, nonchalantly kicking Kado in the stomach as he walked past. "Let's keep moving, shall we?"

Well, Jinkotsu's uncle's house was a really nice place, let me tell you. It was settled up between two big mountains and the whole area around was perfectly flat and level so you could see people coming from like miles away. I noticed that all the mountain passes all around were filled up with rubble except for the one I stumbled on and I thought that must be pretty convenient cause then you always know where the salesmen are coming from, right?

"So, what does your uncle do?" I asked, looking at the giant castle. It looked really old.

Jinkotsu looked at me for a moment. "He farms cabbages," Jinkotsu said.

"Here?" I asked. "In the middle of nowhere? Who'd want to come all the way out here to buy cabbages?"

"They are good cabbages," Jinkotsu replied. "They are the very best cabbages in the entire Empire."

"Oh, wow," Sanzo said. "I love cabbage. I'll have to try some while I'm here."

"Cabbage season is over," Jinkotsu said. "Sadly there are no cabbages here."

"Oh," I said. How disappointing.

Cabbage-less I walked with Jinkotsu to the front gates of his uncle's house. Twenty armed guards with weird looking little devices stood on top of the wall. It looked sort of like they were holding long metal tubes set onto handles with triggers. I wondered what those were. "Those look like long metal tubes set onto handles with triggers," I said. "I wonder what they are."

"Telescopes," Jinkotsu said. "They're so happy to see you that they're watching you very carefully. Now let's go inside before they open fire."

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Jinkotsu knocked on the gates, knocking in a careful pattern. I walked up next to him and knocked too, doing a little 'shave-and-a-haircut' pattern. Jinkotsu glared at me.

"What?" I said. "I step on your foot or something?"

"Idiot!" he snapped.

Suddenly, a little window on the gates flew open and another telescope pointed at us. "That wasn't the secret knock!" a man hissed on the other side. "Explain yourselves or die."

"Hey, give me a break, Hazaad!" Jinkotsu snapped. "It wasn't me, it was this moron. I got the knock right."

The telescope swiveled toward me. "Explain yourself," said the man.

"I'm Sanzo," I said. "I'm a Crane!"

"Oh," the man replied. "Well that explains it, all right." The gates opened. The man on the other side was very tall, and he wore the strangest clothing I'd ever seen. He had a big turban on and poofy pants and a funny little vest. A goofy looking sword was sheathed at his belt.

"What's going on?" I asked. "Is it Halloween or something?"

They both just looked at me. Why does everybody always get so confused when I say stuff like that? Are they just stupid or something?

"Is he cool?" Hazaad asked Jinkotsu, nodding toward me.

"Am I cool?" I asked. "Is Shinsei... um... a Shinsei-worshipping-guy?"

"He seems harmless enough," Jinkotsu said blandly. "Maybe Shimura can do something with him."

"Yeah, whatever," Hazaad replied. "Well, come on in, guys. We're right about to meet."

"Is that your uncle?" I whispered to Jinkotsu.

"No, fool, that's Al-Hazaad, sorceror of the Burning Sands, master of the Qola-- er... yes it's my uncle. My uncle Hazaad. We call him Hazzie for short." Jinkotsu laughed nervously. Hazaad looked back at us and then kept walking, shaking his head and muttering.

The inside of the castle was pretty creepy. It was really old, and it looked like nothing had been cleaned in years. I figured Jinkotsu's uncle had problems finding good janitorial help, being out in the middle of the mountains where no one would find you for weeks and all that. I wondered where he found enough people to farm all the cabbages.

Then my questions were answered. We walked into a room just chock full of people. A lot of people. People from every clan. They were all talking amongst themselves, but got really quiet when we walked in.

"Hello, everyone!" Jinkotsu said loudly. "Your lost cousin, JINKOTSU," he stressed the name very clearly for some reason. "I've returned. I've brought along with me a friend I found WANDERING RANDOMLY IN THE WOODS. His name is Sanzo Crane. He's very happy to be here at UNCLE HAZZIE'S HOUSE up here in the mountains. You know, the CABBAGE FARM. Not the Hidden Temple of the Kolat."

I waved. "Hey, isn't that the sleeper that we sent to kill Garou?" said a fat man sitting at a low table. "Why didn't you kill him, Yokatsu?" [Editor's Note: If I ever see Sanzo again, I'd like very much to talk to him about this.]

"Ixnay, ixnay," Jinkotsu mumbled. "Ecausebay of the upidstay ostghay. I otgay ansplay."

"Oh, yeah," the fat man said.

"Well, walk around, get to know everybody," Jinkotsu said. "We'll find a place to stick you later."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"I mean we'll find a room for you," he replied. He quickly walked away.

"So, how long will you be staying here?" asked a bald man in a Mantis kimono. He had a little kid with a golden mask standing next to him. Both of them looked pretty irritated to see me, like I'd walked in right in the middle of something.

"A while, I guess," I said. "I got nowhere to be."

"Really," the little kid said nasally. "You don't have any reason to just, say, get the hell out of here and never look back?"

"Nope, not really," I said, settling into a chair and picking up a bottle of sake. "I figure maybe I'll get a job here or something."

The two Mantis looked at each other. The taller one shook his head.

"Hey," I asked the kid. "Can I touch your mask?"

"No," the kid said, his upper lip quivering a little. "The truth is, we really have no place for you here, Sanzo Crane. I suggest you keep on moving."

I overheard a skinny guy in Scorpion robes nearby, talking to a girl wearing the armor of an Emerald Magistrate. "The loss of Master Kage has been most shocking," he said. "Until we discover his whereabouts, the school will be in disarray..."

"Hey, there we go!" I said, jumping to my feet. "I could do that! So that Kage guy is gone for awhile. I'll be the new schoolmaster. I can see myself as substitute teacher material."

"Sadly, so can I," the Mantis kid nodded. "But no. Begone, Sanzo."

"What is this?" I asked. "You discriminating because I'm a Crane?"

"No, I'm discriminating because you're an imbecile."

"Well that's no fair, I can't help that either," I said. I decided I didn't want to talk to these guys anymore. I just got up and walked past them. I figured, hey, this was a party or something. There had to be somebody cool here to talk to. Nobody seemed to want to talk to me, not even when I told them I was the new schoolmaster.

"I know just how you feel," a young girl sat down on the couch next to me, straightening her long white hair with one hand. "I don't get this place at all."

"Yeah," I said. "You think they'd want to talk to me, since I'm the new schoolmaster and all." "Oh, wow," she said, smiling. "You're a teacher? That's, like, so cool. A New Teacher. 'Play a Sensei card from your hand. It remains in play until the end of the game, altering your Stronghold as if it were played normally before the game began. Discard all other Sensei cards you have in play.'"

My jaw dropped. "Wow," I said. "Did you just make an anachronistic and completely out of character CCG reference?"

"Well, yeah," she said. "Doesn't everybody?"

That was it. I was in love.

"My name's Sanzo," I said. "Sanzo Crane. What's yours?"

"Shizue," she said. "I'm a Crane, too! Wow, we have so much in common!"

"Um, yeah," I said. "So, you come here often?"

"Sanzo-san!" Jinkotsu said, suddenly walking up to me with a big smile on his face. "So glad to see you again! I see you've met our new student, the lovely Shizue!"

"Wow, you're a student!" I said. "Cool, cause I'm the new schoolmaster. Maybe we can study stuff together." Shizue giggled.

"Indeed," Jinkotsu said, frowning. "Perhaps you'll have time for that later. First, I have a job for you."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked. "What's that?"

"Call it an initiation," Jinkotsu said. "Everyone who comes to live here in the castle has to go through it. It's simple really. You just have to ride out to the graveyard at the end of the woods and back. Easy as pie, really."

"Well," said Hazaad, "Except for the Headless Bushi."

"The Headless Bushi?" I said, startled. "What the heck is that?"

"Just an old wives' tale," Jinkotsu chuckled. "He's supposed to be an old Moto or something. He's haunted the forest for awhile now. Sometimes people claim that they see him in the woods, looking for his head. They think that he thirsts for Yokatsu's blood day and night or something like that. I really wouldn't know about it."

"Hey, didn't some powerful undead Moto akutenshi lose his head in the Clan Wars?" Shizue asked brightly. "Yeah, I think I wrote-- er-- heard a story about it. He was beheaded by Shinjo Yokatsu and now thirsts daily for revenge."

Jinkotsu turned kind of pale. "I'm sure that's totally unrelated," he said. "But listen, Sanzo. Just in case the Headless Bushi causes you any trouble, I'm going to lend you my armor." He gestured to a pair of attendants, who wheeled forward a splendid suit of purple and gold armor. A pair of huge banners flapped from the back reading "I AM SHINJO YOKATSU."

"Wow," I said. "That's cool armor."

"Sanzo, I don't know if you should do this," Shizue said, laying a hand on my arm. "It sounds kind of fishy to me."

"Hey, yeah, she's right," I said. "It sounds like you guys are trying to trick me or something. Who the heck do you think I am? Toku? I don't fall for that kind of stuff."

"Listen, Sanzo," Hazaad said sharply. "We'll give you five koku if you just put on the stupid armor and go ride through the forest, okay?"

That, on the other hand, was exactly the sort of stuff I fell for. Jinkotsu helped me strap on his armor and we headed for the stables, Hazaad's money jingling in my pocket. "I hope you've got a good horse for me, Jinkotsu," I said. "I'm really picky about the kinds of steeds that I'll ride. Only the best for me."

"Oh, we've got the perfect horse for you, Mister Crane," Jinkotsu said. I think he was trying to sound ironic. Or maybe sarcastic. Sardonic? One of those things. I can never remember and the dictionary is under the couch right now making all the legs even. We stepped into the stables and Jinkotsu pointed at the horse I'd be riding.

I'd never been so happy in my whole life. Well, except when I got to dance with Hida O-Ushi at the prom. Well, actually she was pounding the tar out of me for some off the collar comments I made but still it was kind of a dance.

"Fury!" I shouted, running toward the horse. Sure enough, I recognized those bandy legs, those prominent ribs, those milky white eyes. It was my first horse, Fury. I ran over to the horse and tried to pet it, nearly dodging its teeth. "Fury, how did you get here?" I asked. "Where have you been?"

"Agent Fury, tell him nothing," Jinkotsu said quickly.

"Huh, what?" I said to Jinkotsu.

"Nothing," Jinkotsu said with a smile. "Let me help you get in the saddle."

So soon I was back on Fury again and we were off. We trotted off into the forest at a rapid pace, both steed and rider excited to be together again. I was excited to be riding Fury and Fury was obviously excited at the large number of low hanging tree limbs he had the opportunity to run into. We were well into the forest and totally lost before I remembered what I was supposed to be doing. Did Jinkotsu say something about a Headless Bushi?

Hmmm...

No, that was just silly. That kind of thing didn't happen around here. Sure, Garou saw headless people all the time growing up but he grew up on the Wall and that sort of thing was expected. Now we were in the Phoenix lands, where everything was nice and normal.

"Revenge...." moaned a voice from behind me.

"Huh?" I said, looking at Fury. "Did you say that?"

"Revenge...." the voice moaned again.

I twisted around in my saddle, looking for the source of the voice. A low mist hung among the trees as the cold of the night began to set in. The canopy of the forest swayed slightly as if from a breeze, but there wasn't any wind. I couldn't hear any birds or crickets or animals, just a low moan that seemed to come from everywhere.

"Revenge...."

"Okay, come on out," I said nervously. "Who's saying that?"

Then he appeared. A huge figure in scarred black armor, riding upon a phantom steed. A tattered cloak hung about his shoulders, and a mighty blade was in his hand. He had no head, but hovering just above the scarred stub of his neck was a flaming green skull. He pointed the sword at me.

"Revenge...." he said. "I demand Revenge........."

"Sorry," I said. "I think you're looking for Ginawa. I've got Ambition." I held up my little bloodsword hopefully.

"No, you tool," the Headless Bushi replied. "I'm talking about vengeance. I'm going to take your head the way you took mine."

"I didn't take your head!" I said. "Besides, even if I did, what' your problem? You've got a perfectly good new one right there!"

"Look at it!" the Bushi screamed. "It's a freaking flaming skull! How am I supposed to pick up chicks when my head's on fire????"

"Good point," I said. "But the way you dress, you probably wouldn't get anywhere anyway."

For some reason he started chasing me after that. I kicked my heels into Fury's ribs and he started running as well, terrified though he couldn't see what was after us. (Okay, at first Fury started running right towards the Bushi but after a second or two we got that ironed out and I turned him in the right direction.) We tore off through the forest in a madcap chase, leaping over fallen logs, ducking under grasping limbs. All the while, the Headless Bushi galloped in pursuit, laughing maniacally as he followed my every move.

I knew Fury couldn't outrun him. Sadly, he was horse built for style, not speed. I remembered earlier, I'd crossed a bridge. I knew ghosts had some sort of problem with bridges. Or maybe that was trolls. Dang. Anyway, it was my only chance. I started heading back that way.

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" shouted the Bushi. "YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE ME, YOKATSU!"

"My name's Sanzo!" I shouted back. "Sanzo!"

"Sanzo?" the Bushi replied, a hint of doubt creeping into his spectral voice. "The same Sanzo that went to Hantei XXIII High School?" "Yeah, that's me!" I yelled back.

"The one who sat behind Moto Tsume in Chemistry?" he asked.

"Um, yeah," I said.

"The one who filled the same Moto Tsume's lunch thermos with concentrated hydrochloric acid, figuring, and I quote, 'it would be pretty funny to watch the undead kid's jaw fall off'? Are you that Sanzo?"

"Um.... maybe not," I said.

The Headless Bushi galloped faster.

I kept kicking Fury along, trying to urge even more speed out of the poor old horse. Bits of white foam appeared at Fury's lips. I hoped that maybe that meant he was rabid, then I could send him back to fight the Bushi for me. No time for that, the bridge was in sight. I could just make it. It was only a hundred feet or so away. Glancing back, I saw the Headless Bushi remove the flaming green skull from his shoulders and hold it high.

"Oh, cruddy!" I said. "He's going to throw his head at me!"

This was it. I knew I was going to die. I closed my eyes and hugged Fury's neck for the last time.

Then Shizue poked out of the trees behind me, holding a 2X4 across the path. With a resounding clang, the board connected with the Headless Bushi's chest. He flew from his saddle, his flaming head spinning out of his hands and into the woods.

"Shizue!" I said, turning Fury around and galloping back. "You came after me!"

"Of course," she said. "I couldn't let Moto Tsume kill you. I've got plans."

In a way, that worried me even more than being chased by the Headless Bushi. Still, I offered my hand to her and pulled her into the saddle behind me.

"Hey!" the Headless Bushi's skull said. "Over here, you moron!"

The Bushi's body stumbled through the woods, grasping blindly. It bumped into a tree and fell down. Nearby, the phantom horse stood patiently, chewing on phantom grass.

"Jigoku, you're not even close!" the head snapped. "Hurry up and pick me up before I set the whole forest on fire! And dangit, hurry, Yokatsu's getting away!"

And with that, we galloped off into the sunset. Shizue suggested we head for Otosan Uchi, that maybe there was something cool there we could do. I asked her how she knew, but she just smiled knowingly and said she had her ways. So we galloped on as fast as we dared, pausing not a moment as we left the deep forests of Nemutai Mori behind.

Well, I paused long enough to sell Yokatsu's armor, but that was about it.

THE END

Post Script

Found in the Handwriting of an unidentified ronin

The preceding tale remained in my collection for many years before I finally read it before the Fuzake Winter Court, an esteemed and privileged group to be sure. A smattering of representatives from the other clans were there; a few, I confess, I did not even know myself. I hate big parties for that. You never quite know who will show up.

Anyway, once the story was done, a member of the audience perked up. He looked somewhat gaijin in appearance, a visitor from beyond the borders of Rokugan. He rose a brow at the conclusion of my tale, and quietly asked me what was the moral of my tale.

I thought about that for a moment.

"That there's good in bad in every situation," I said, "But when Sanzo's involved, you end up taking things as they come."

"That he who chases death with blind fury is likely to find it."

"And always be careful of smiling Crane women."

The old gaijin considered this, and I think I made my point with him. But then he rose his hand to speak again. "In truth," he said, "The story seems quite far fetched. In fact, it all sounds very much like something I read once before. Is it true?"

"Faith sir," I replied, "as to that matter, I don't believe one half of it myself."

(Apologies freely given to Washington Irving, who wrote a much better story about another Crane schoolmaster, in another sleepy forest, and another headless Moto...)

Kyuden Usagi was a nice place, considering. You could still see the scorch-marks in places and some of the older samurai had a slightly wobbly look in their eyes that suggested that they might uncork their katana at any second and start lopping off heads, but all in all they'd done a fairly good job of fixing up the place. The samurai all looked rather smart in their red and white armor and I was taking the opportunity to introduce myself to a pretty young Usagi samurai-ko when a large guard finally walked up to me and asked me what the hell I thought I was doing there.

"My name is Fuzake Garou," I said. "I'm an emissary from the Monkey Clan. Lord Toku sent me."

"Ah, the esteemed Lord Toku!" the man said, nodding in deep respect. "We have been expecting you."

I froze up for a second after hearing the words 'Esteemed Lord Toku.' Rokugan had become a very strange place in a very short time.

"I have heard of you, as well," the Hare continued. "You are the one with the tattoo, correct?"

I rose one eyebrow. "I really don't know what you're talking about," I said evasively. I really hadn't been considering using the power of the tattoo Hoshi had given me for personal gain. Honest.

A low grumble rose from the man's throat and he turned to the girl I had been talking to. "Stay away from this one, daughter," he said, shooting me a warning look. "Follow me, Fuzake." He turned quickly and began to lope off toward the castle of the Hare.

"Hey, I don't know what you've heard about me," I said, following the Hare and making certain that my sleeve was firmly covering the tattoo now. "I'm just an emissary. I'm not here to cause any trouble."

"From what I've heard of you, Garou, those words just may be your epitaph," the Hare said. "The last thing we want is you causing any chaos in Hare lands. Just deliver whatever message you have to Lord Usagi and be on your way."

"I don't understand why I get this cold reception everywhere I go," I said bitterly. "Really, what do you expect me to do?"

"It's not you, it's what follows with you," the Hare replied as the gates of the castle opened before us. "It's well known what transpired during the War in the Heavens, and we would prefer if you did not linger too long. For all we know, we could wake up one morning and find the entire castle in the middle of the Shinomen just because you are here."

"Boy, that would be weird," I agreed. I looked up at the gates as they opened. I could see that they had been burned, and hastily repaired. "So what happened to this place?" I asked.

"It's complicated," the Hare said.

"Believe me, I know complicated," I replied. "You can tell me."

The Hare sighed. "All right then. Lord Ozaki became entangled in what he thought was a Scorpion blackmail scheme which was in fact an order for a kolat execution and in turn became embroiled in a plot which ended in the armies of Bayushi Tomaru laying waste to the entire castle with no one to stand against them but a Scorpion magistrate while the Ancestral Sword of the Hare was found in the Shadowlands in Hiruma Castle in the possession of the Exalted Ugu and then after which his sister was kidnapped and he lost and eye and became a fugitive and fled to Morikage where he saw a magistrate murdered and was in turn blamed and fled with the--"

"You can stop now," I said. "You're giving me a headache."

"You asked," the Hare shrugged.

"And I thought my life was complicated," I said.

"Everyone's life is complicated," the Hare said. He thought about that for a moment. "Well, except for dogs. They have it pretty easy and I think they know it."

I couldn't really think of anything to respond to that.

"This way," he said, striding off down the hallway.

Usagi Castle was really quite a nice place. They were a small clan, but they kept the place up well (despite the fires and the kolat and all). They also got a pretty cool set of clan colors - red and white. It made their armor look snazzy even if their spears looked like candy canes. At any rate, it was a much better combo than the flesh-tone and black that the Monkey ended up with.

Okay, I'm going to go off on a tangent here.

Maybe I'm not the most fashion conscious person in Rokugan. Admittedly, I was born a Crab and I'll still act like one till the day I die. I consider myself well dressed if I have enough pockets to carry everything and I'm warm. Still, I *do* have some aesthetic principles. Thus saying, I don't care how you do it, flesh-tone is always a poor wardrobe choice. I mean, it's really bad. Let me explain it this way. Flesh-tone pants. Sometimes, while I'm strolling through the site of the future Shiro Saru (the Monkey House) I'll run into a group of Toku's samurai and, for a brief instant, become horrified to the core of my being because I think they're not wearing any pants. That's not the sort of thing I like to run into every day. Admittedly, the illusion of no pants could be of great intimidation value on the battlefield.

This is getting weird. I think I'm going to drop this subject now.

Anyway, eventually I was led to a waiting room and told that Lord Usagi would attend me shortly. I settled in as a servant poured me a cup of tea, and then poured the tea all over myself. I didn't really mean to do that, but then I didn't expect this guy to run up behind me and yell: "Hey! Aren't you Yasuki Garou?!?"

"Ow," I said, looking down at the scalding hot tea I'd poured all over myself.

"Sorry about that," said the man. He was a large man with a topknot and a big, dopey smile. He clapped me on the shoulder and sat down next to me. "I'm Ujina Tomo. I'm a big fan of yours."

I looked up from wiping off my kimono, surprised. "I have fans?"

"Heck, yeah, you're a hero!" the Hare said. "It's gotten out how you saved the Empire from the Shadow and helped Lady Hitomi fight the Moon and all that. I've even heard some stories about what you did in Beiden Pass and on the Day of Thunder."

"Oh yeah," I said. "The Day of Thunder. Boy, that really screwed up graduation."

"Eh?" Ujina blinked.

"I went to Hantei XXIII High School in Otosan Uchi," I said. "The Day of Thunder happened right in the middle of graduation. Oni no Akuma ate the marching band and Mister Kuni succumbed to the Taint right there in front of everybody while he was handing me my diploma. I had to Jade Strike him twice just to get off the stage. It was really embarrassing."

"Oh, man," Ujina said. "That's rough. We got destroyed by the kolat!" He smiled a wide, proud smile.

"I heard about that," I said. "Good going. Glad to see you pulled through."

This was turning into one of those conversations. You know what I'm talking about. Where the person you're talking to seems a few zeni short of a koku. Where they annoy the living crap out of you but you feel like a jerk for saying anything about it since they're trying to be so nice. I was trying to find a way to rapidly excuse myself from the situation, especially before he started talking to me more about the kolat.

For the first time in a long time, I actually found myself wishing I was with Toku, Sanzo, Agetoki, and/or Turi. Sure, I tended to get into more trouble when we were together, but we were never, ever bored.

"By the way, I sell hats," he said, snapping me back to the present.

"What?" I replied, puzzled.

He pulled out a large hat, a floppy sort of thing made of wool and shaped like a pair of bunny ears. It said "Usagi Forever!" on the front in big red letters. Tomo pulled it over his head and grinned. "You want to buy one?" he asked.

"Maybe later," I said, glancing away and trying not to giggle.

"I have a bow!" he proclaimed. "You want to see it?"

"Uhh... okay," I said. "That would be good."

He got up and scampered out of the room. Yes, he scampered. He was a very large man, and yet, he scampered. I guess they don't call them the Hare for nothing. And, *man* was he quick. Before I could even find a place to hide, he was back in the room, holding a very small bow in his hands.

"Isn't it neat?" he asked.

I shrugged. "It looks like you could maybe get a Ranged 1 attack out of it."

"Huh?" he replied.

"Sorry," I said, shaking my head. "I think I was channeling Sanzo."

"Ooo, Sanzo! That's the guy with the talk show, right?" Tomo said.

"What?"

"The Sanzo Show," Tomo answered.

I'd forgotten all about that. Toturi had declared my friend Sanzo the Imperial Breakfall for saving his life during the War In the Heavens. As a result, he'd given Sanzo a single wish and Sanzo, being Sanzo, unleashed a fury of pure unbridled anachronism by asking for a talk show. He'd even asked me to be on it but I'd managed to escape from the city unnoticed. Apparently, it had gotten pretty popular even though no one yet had bothered to invent the television. Weird.

"Yeah, that's him," I said.

"Wow, Sanzo," he said. "The real Sanzo. You guys must have had some pretty crazy adventures together."

"Yeah, I guess so," I said. I was getting kind of scared now. Sanzo was a decent guy once you got to know him, but anyone with unbridled admiration for him somehow frightened me. "We've had a few adventures."

"Ah, the Monkey," snapped a brittle voice behind us. I turned around. A tall, grizzled samurai wearing a patch over one eye stood at the entrance to the room. I recognized it immediately as Usagi Ozaki, daimyo of the Hare Clan. He looked rather tough, though his intimidating visage was ruined somewhat by the floppy 'Usagi Forever' hat he was wearing.

"Konichiwa, I'm Fuzake Garou," I said, standing and bowing. "I'm an emissary from the Monkey Clan." I blanked for a moment. I wanted to make a good impression for Toku, so I tried to find something complimentary to say. I couldn't think of anything. "Nice hat."

"Thanks," Ozaki said, striding into the room and returning my bow. "Tomo sells them." He moved to the table and sat down as a servant poured him a cup of tea.

"Yeah," Tomo nodded. "Ozaki's my best customer! Not only is he the president of the Hare Clan, he's also a client."

"I see," I said, and sat down.

"Well?" Ozaki snapped, looking up from his tea.

"Well what?" I replied, tea cup halfway to my mouth.

"Are you going to kill yourself or am I going to have to do it for you?" he asked.

"What?!?" I said, surprised.

"Well, you're one of those damned kolat," he said.

"No he's not!" Tomo cried.

"Yes he is," Ozaki nodded.

"No he isn't," Tomo said more vehemently.

"Er," I said, "Yes I am, actually. How could you tell?"

"You're wearing a kolat decoder rings," Ozaki pointed.

I could have kicked myself. I'd just gotten it in the mail from Dorai that morning and was so excited about the trip I'd forgotten I was wearing it. Well, now I was in trouble. Ozaki reached for his sword and stood up.

"Well," he said, "Nothing personal, Fuzake, but you *did* destroy my clan and all."

"Wait!" I said quickly. "Don't you want to hear about the elephant?"

Ozaki and Tomo both looked at me. "What elephant?" they said.

I pointed at the elephant standing there in the doorway.

"What the hell is an elephant doing in my castle?" Ozaki roared. "Is this some sort of kolat trick?"

"No, he just sort of does that," I said. "It's been following me. It's a long story."

"From the deposit that thing just made in my hallway, I suggest you tell it," Ozaki snapped, pointing at the animal with his sword.

"All right, then," I said. "It starts with the Twenty-Seven Days of Darkness. Do you remember that time?"

"You mean the time when there was no moon or no sun for a month and the forces of the Shadow almost overwhelmed Rokugan? No, I forgot about it. Kolat idiot." Ozaki sat down at the table again, shaking his head. "I have to admit, though, I'm curious. Tell me about it and I'll spare your life till the story is done."

Ujina Tomo sat down next to me, looking a trifle downcast. I still don't know where his hero worship of me came from, but he looked disappointed to see that his master didn't share it. To tell the truth, I was relieved. I'm used to people hating me. I expect it. When it doesn't happen, I start getting spooked. Ozaki's homicidal rage was the most comforting thing I'd seen in months.

"Okay," I said. "I'll tell the story. But it'll take twenty-seven days."

"Why?" he snapped.

"It..." I stalled. "It just works that way, okay? Get over it."

"I'd like to hear about it!" Tomo chirped.

Ozaki gave Tomo a pitying look, then turned back to me. "Fine, then. Since you've done nothing to me personally you can live tell you tell your story, kolat. But can you put the elephant outside, at least?"

"Sanzo, go outside," I said.

The elephant disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Ozaki's eye got very wide. "Are you going to explain that, too?"

"I don't know if I can," I said, "but I'll try..."

"Garou, I've been talking to Hoshi," Hitomi said. She looked like she had been crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned. I hadn't seen her in a while. Since we'd killed the moon, she had been keeping pretty much to herself. "Are you okay?"

"Garou," she said. "It's not you, it's me. I just think that maybe we were a little overzealous, killing the moon and all that. We might have doomed Rokugan to oblivion, you know? That's not a good way to start a relationship."

"Actually," I said. "That was Sanzo's fault. That letter-"

"There you go again, always blaming Sanzo," she said with a sigh. "Listen, Garou. What do you think we should do?"

I sighed. I liked Hitomi, but she could be pretty strange and impulsive at times, and tended to take things way to literally. I tried to phrase my response carefully. "Maybe we just need space?"

"That's exactly it!" Hitomi said. "Space!" She pointed up.

"Uh... what?" I replied.

"What a great idea! I'll hurl myself into space and replace the moon! You're a genius Garou!" She hugged me and ran off down the road.

Uh oh.

"Hey, have any of you guys seen Hitomi anywhere? She just sort of ran off with out me and- Ye silvery gods, I didn't expect to see you here."

Hoshi looked at me mildly as he held the door open. He was wearing what seemed to be a green apron with the word "#1 Dad" written on it in bright pink. "Oh, hi, Garou," he said. "I was just cleaning up around the house. How's that tattoo working out?"

"It comes in handy, sometimes," I said. "Thanks for screwing up my life, by the way. Have you seen Hitomi?"

"The bald guy?" he said. "Yeah, he was here a little while ago. Why?"

"Honey?" called out a voice. "Who is it?"

"Whoops, excuse me," Hoshi said. "Haven't introduced you to the missus yet." A small, rather pretty bald woman with a bird tattooed on her head stepped up next to Hoshi. "This is Eisai," he said. She waved.

"Do you want to hold our baby?" she asked, suddenly holding a tiny child out in both hands.

"You have a baby?" I said. "You've been busy, Hoshi!" I took the child awkwardly. I like babies, I don't like holding them much. I'm always afraid I'm going to drop them or that they'll explode or something. It looked up at me with an expression of firm and total distrust. "Does the little guy have a name?"

"Oh, that's right, honey!" Eisai squealed, hugging Hoshi's arm. "Hitomi had just the best name for him. She suggested that we call him Garou. Isn't that a great name?"

I blinked. I'd caused quite enough trouble with the Dragon Clan without screwing up the next generation, too. "Er, I don't think that's such a good idea," I said. "Maybe you should name it Togashi or... something."

"Ooo, Togashi's nice," Eisai said.

"I don't know. I like 'Herbert,'" Hoshi said. "I think we'll call him Herbert, myself."

"Honey, Herbert sucks," Eisai said.

"It's better than Togashi!" Hoshi replied. "Togashi Togashi? What kind of name is that?"

"Why can't he be Hoshi Togashi?" she snipped back. "Is my name so bad?"

"Hoshi's *my* name, you daft nun!" he roared. "You got it from me in the first place so what's the difference?!?"

"Um, take this," I said, handing the baby to an ise zumi who was standing nearby. And I got the heck out of there.

Man, it was dark. I guess that's a little redundant and all, with it being the Twenty Seven Days of Darkness, but I just have to say it again. It was *really* dark. I'd snagged a little paper lantern off of Hoshi's front porch when he wasn't looking, and now I was carrying it in front of me as I walked, but even that didn't help. I kept bumping into things and falling down and I was having a terrible time in general trying to find Hitomi. Just as I thought I was nearing the shrine of the Ki-Rin I put a foot in the wrong place and tumbled head over heels down a hill, smashing my lantern and losing my hat. I skidded to a halt by the hooves of a large horse, dimly visible in the light of it's rider's own lantern.

"Ah, it is you! The one that walks like a rat!" the man said eagerly, stepping off his horse. He was a large, gruff looking samurai with a patch over one eye. His armor stained with blood and he had a slightly crazed, dangerous look about him. Had I been in better shape, I would have tried to edge away from him as quickly as possible. As it was, I just sort of groaned and let him help me to my feet.

"I beg a question," the man said, patting the dust off of the front of my kimono and handing me my hat.

I squinted at him in the dim light. "Dairya?" I asked. "Is that you?"

"You know me?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah, we had a gym class together," I said. "We didn't talk much, though."

"Oh," he said. "Well, anyway, I just wanted to ask you. How can a samurai regain what is lost?"

"Huh?"

"How can a samurai regain what is lost?" he asked me intently.

"You're one of those sorts of people that asks really personal questions from total strangers, aren't you. That's creepy."

Dairya's eye narrowed. "Are you making fun of me?"

"Er, of course not," I said. "What was the question again?"

"How can a samurai regain what was lost?" he said, grabbing me by the collar and lifting me into the air by several inches. "I was thinking you could do it by killing people. Right? That's what the bald dude said. By killing people. I'd really like it if it was by killing people." He smiled, showing way too much gum.

"Uh...." I said.

"Dairya," said a gruff voice. "Leave my friend alone. And wash your shirt every once in a while."

Dairya's mouth clicked shut, and he turned quickly to see who had addressed him in such a matter. "Who dares?" he snarled. "I am the finest duelist in Rokugan! I have only been defeated once in my life! I am Dairya, he who walks alone! I shall cut your gullet asunder and dance on your entrails! Show yourself!"

A huge man in golden armor stepped out of the shadows, his face painted in fierce colors, his hair a tangled mane. "I'm Matsu Turin," he said. "Bring it on, popeye.."

Dairya blinked and set me down on the ground, straightening my collar. "You're lucky," Dairya said, quickly getting back on his horse. "I've decided that you don't have to die today."

"Yeah, okay, dude," Turi said. "Whatever lets you sleep at night."

Dairya galloped away.

Turi nodded at me and I bowed gratefully for his help.

"Have you seen Sanzo or Toku?" Turi asked.

"Not yet," I said. "I'm sure they'll show up eventually."

Neither of us said another word. We both knew why we'd run into each other. Another adventure was starting, and it wouldn't do to face it alone. I picked up my lantern and we walked on out of the shrine of the Ki-Rin, heading on to our next destination.

"Owjerowey?" I looked at Turi speculatively.

Turi shook his head, staring at the sign in the dim light. "Nope," he said. "I think its Ay-oh-jer-oh-ney."

"Huh?" I said, looking at the sign. "There isn't even an 'n' in there! Where'd you get that?"

"I didn't say an 'n.'" Turi said.

"Yes you did." "No I didn't."

"Never mind," I sighed. "Let's just ask that Phoenix over there."

Turi frowned. "Like he would know," Turi said. "That's Shiba Tetsu, Garou."

"Well, yeah, he's a little unreliable," I answered. "But I hope he'd know the name of his own dang castle!"

"Again, I think you are assuming too much," Turi said.

I walked past Turi and approached Tetsu. He was sitting on a tree stump and had a slightly burnt look around the eyes. It seemed the rumors of recreational medicines used to increase the Shiba's connection to the Void were true. He looked up quickly and stuffed something smoking behind his back.

"Excuse me, Tetsu?" I said.

"Hey, what's going on, Garou?" Tetsu asked.

"How do you pronounce the name of this castle?" I pointed at the sign.

Tetsu blinked. "What castle?"

"Told you so," Turi said.

I sighed. "Let's just move on."

As we were passing through the mountains north of Otosan Uchi, we noticed the first sign of light that we had seen in some time. Unfortunately, it was a streak of blood red across the sky that did not look inviting at all.

"What do you think that's all about?" I asked.

Turi shrugged. "I'm sure it's probably not important."

We walked on. The mountains were terribly gloomy.

"Is that why they call these the Mountains of Regret?" I said. "You think they're haunted or magical or something?"

"You know what, man?" Turi replied suddenly. "I never should have let Tsuko dump me for Akodo Arasou. I should have cleaned that guy's clock."

"Yeah," I said. "I wish I would have studied harder back in high school. Maybe then I wouldn't be such a crappy shugenja and we wouldn't be in this mess."

"That's sucks," Turi nodded. "I wish I'd been nicer to the Cranes. Most of them aren't that bad, not really. I just sort of look at those powder blue kimonos and I want to smash things. I think I have anger issues."

"Could be," I said reflectively. "You know what? I should have called Hida O-Ushi back. Sure, the prom didn't go as well as it could have in some ways but she was still a fun girl to go out with. Now she's married to that goat-boy, Yasamura. Sheesh."

"I miss Sanzo," Turi said.

I just stopped and looked at him, my eyes really, really wide.

Turi looked back at me and seemed to realize what he had just said.

"We need to get out of these mountains," we both said at the same time.

"So what've you been up to lately, Toshiken?" I asked. "Haven't seen you in ages."

"Well, this and that," the young samurai said with a sigh. "Emerald Champion isn't what it's all cracked up to be. Not at all like I imagined it. A lot of riding around the empire dispensing justice. A lot of fighting. A lot of glory and honor and all that." He sighed.

At the table beside me, Matsu Turi's brow wrinkled. "That's exactly how it's supposed to be!" he said vehemently. "What were you expecting?"

"I dunno," Toshiken shrugged. "I expected it would make it easier to pick up chicks, though."

"And did it?" I asked with mild curiosity. Beside me, Turi leaned forward in interest.

"Nope," Toshiken said with another sigh. "I mean, they seem to dig the uniform and all but then I tell them how I slaughtered the Imperial Court single-handedly and it just doesn't seem to impress them. So what's been up with you, Garou?"

"Nothing much," I said. I felt this would be an inappropriate time to mention my appointment as Imperial Clock Keeper. "Have you seen Hitomi?"

"That bald guy with the rocks on her face?" he asked. "She came by here and told me I should kill people!" His eyes glinted dangerously. "She was so cool!"

"Um... any particular people?" I asked nervously. I could see Turi nonchalantly reach for his katana.

"Oh," Toshiken laughed. "Not you guys. You guys are okay! She just said I should wash myself in the blood of my family and stuff. Hey, you guys haven't seen my brother or my dad, have you?" He smiled eagerly.

"Nope, sorry," Garou said. "We gotta keep moving now, Toshiken. Have to keep moving now."

"Good luck, Garou," Toshiken nodded as I rose. "If you fellas need any courtiers slaughtered mercilessly or anything like that, you just give me a ring, okay?"

"Will do," I said and left the teahouse.

Matsu Turi followed me out a step behind, an odd and speculative look on his face.

"What?" I asked him. "What are you grinning at?"

"I don't usually like Cranes," Turi said. "But that one? That one was okay by me."

"They picked up a little bit since we were here last," I said, trying to find something nice to say. The city was still in pretty sorry shape. The walls were cracked and falling apart. The palace seemed tilted at an odd angle. At least they'd cleaned up all the ninjas.

"It might be a bad idea for you to go in there, Garou," Turi said.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Shinjo might still be there," he replied. "Remember, she doesn't like you very much."

"Oh, yeah," I said, a little crestfallen. "But we might be able to catch up with Hitomi here?"

"The bald guy?" growled a voice nearby. "She left already."

Turi and I both looked over. An enormous man in dark green armor sat dejectedly on a rock nearby, looking at the ground. I wondered how we had both managed to walk right past without noticing him, then realized I must have mistaken the man for a small hill.

"You saw her?"

"Yup," he said. "She came by to visit Shinjo... Horse facedgrumblegrumble..."

"Not a big Shinjo fan?" Turi asked.

"Hah," the man spat back. "Do you blame me? Did you take a good look at her? She offered to make me the Shogun of the whole Empire if I'd just go out with her one time. I told her it wasn't worth it. Yeesh."

"Wow," I said. "You gave all that up just to keep away from her?"

"You didn't smell her," the man shook his head ruefully. "Although... Yoritomo as the first shogun... has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Hey, man," Turi said suddenly. "Did you know you have an arrow sticking out of your arm?"

Yoritomo suddenly looked like he wanted to cry.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You... you noticed," he said, a slight catch in his voice. "I didn't want to point it out to anybody because I was too embarrassed, me being the Mantis daimyo and all. I didn't want to look like a wuss."

"Why don't you just pull it out yourself?" I asked.

Yoritomo blushed. "All the steroids made me too stiff," he said, flexing, "I can't reach the damn thing."

"Here," I said, grabbing it and yanking it out. A spurt of blood fired at least sixty feet over my shoulder.

Yoritomo suddenly smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. "Finally," he said. "All that anger... that tension... just melting away! I feel like a new man. Excuse me, I think I'll go plant some daisies." And he pranced away.

I figured that was enough weirdness for one day, so gave the Imperial City a wide berth.

"You again," Kuwanan growled.

"Hi!" I said, bowing politely to the Crane Champion. Next to me, Matsu Turi just sort of looked around and tried to restrain himself from breaking things.

"What do you want?" Kuwanan asked. A servant approached and handed him a small cup of tea. He looked at it with a grimace and then took a sip.

"We're following Hitomi," I explained. "She came this way, or so we hear. We've been having trouble keeping up with her, since she's half-god and all. Have you seen her?" Another servant came and handed me a cup of tea, then handed Turi one as well.

Kuwanan nodded. "Yup," the Crane Champion said. "He came by here a little while ago. Weird guy. Said he wanted to moon all of Rokugan or something. What the heck did you want from him?"

"Well, er... It's complicated," I said. "I sort of gave her some bad advice."

Just then, the door of the small chamber opened and a tall man with a shiny silver mempo strode in. I recognized him immediately.

"Uji!" I said. "You're alive!"

"Yes," Uji said, a nervous tweak in his voice. "I guess I am, at that."

"But I thought you'd planned to chop off your head and send it to Kuwanan!" I said.

"Eh?" Kuwanan said, suddenly looking up in interest. "What's all this, then?"

"I..." Uji paused for a long moment. "Well, I was going to. But then I got this idea. Wouldn't it be a much more personal gesture if I delivered my head personally? I mean, an unexplained head in the mail. That can be a bit disconcerting. But if I delivered it myself, then it would mean that much more!"

"I don't remember hearing anything about you chopping your own head off," Kuwanan said, raising an eyebrow.

"Must've gotten lost in the mail," Uji chuckled. "Darn Unicorns."

"So why don't you chop off your head now?" Kuwanan asked.

"And mess up your nice carpet?" Uji pointed to the thick orange carpet that I heretofore had not noticed. "Your sister would kill me!"

"Ooo," Kuwanan winced. "Hadn't thought about that, but good idea. Better leave it alone then. Shizue's no one to mess with."

"Hey," Turi suddenly interrupted. "I thought you Cranes were at civil war. Why did you get so peaceful all of a sudden? Did you get tired or something?"

"Oh," Kuwanan sneered. "That. It's your fault, Uji. You explain it."

Uji nodded somberly, straightening the steel mask that covered his face. "Everything was fine until my old foes arrived on the scene. Foes I had forgotten since my time among the Crab. Brutal, uncanny warriors. Four brothers, pirates from the Tortoise clan."

"Four guys?" Turi asked, shocked. "The Crane ended their differences to fight off four guys?"

"Not just any four warriors!" Uji shouted. "These men are twisted by the Shadowlands into freakish inhuman creatures! Corrupted by the Lying Darkness to give them stealth and speed! Though they are young, they are led by a sinister nezumi master! They are canny and implacable foes!"

"Wait a second..." I said. "You're fighting teenage mutant ninja--" "You don't understand!" Uji shouted, a hint of desperation in his voice. "They're freaking unbeatable!"

"But it's okay," Kuwanan said, smiling triumphantly. "We've enlisted allies. Heichi Chokei of the Boar clan. And a guy from the Rhino Clan. There's a rhino clan, right?"

Turi sighed. "Let's go, Garou," he said. "Now they're just being silly."

"No wait, you haven't heard the best part!" Kuwanan shouted. "We're planning to build a huge technodrome--"