HANTEI XXIII PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK
Togashi Yokuni "Hall Monitor"	Hida Kisada "Runner Up Biggest Helmet Contest"	Ryoshun "Most Likely to Be the Last One to Show Up"

"Right this way, Garou-san," Hasame called back to me as he led me down the tunnel.

I was a little stunned. Not by the fact that Hasame - who I thought was dead - was talking to me, or by the fact that I was dead, or even by the fact that one of my best friends had killed me, but that everything about dying was pretty much exactly the way I thought it would be.

I'm serious. There was a tunnel of light, voices calling my name, a feeling of serene peace. Heck, I even had a little gold halo floating over my head. I'm not kidding. I could reach up and grab it and wobble it around. It's funny how seeing exactly what you expect can shock you more than anything else. I mean, everyone seemed so dad-blasted *sure* that this is the kind of thing that you see when you die, that I was pretty much convinced that it couldn't possibly be the truth. I don't know what I expected, really, but finding out that I had to spend eternity at a taco stand eating butterflies probably wouldn't have surprised me half as much as walking right into a cliche.

That doesn't make a lot of sense, I know. Sorry. Death makes it hard to think straight.

"Garou-san," Hasame called out again, pointing over his shoulder with one thumb. "Please keep up. Everyone is waiting for us."

"What's with the Garou-san stuff?" I retorted, turning to Hasame. "You were never this polite to me when you were alive."

"Eh, I was a jerk back then," Hasame said with a chuckle. "My priorities were all out of whack, you know?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, hurrying to catch up with him.

"Well, think of it this way," Hasame replied. "Back when I was alive, I had some kind of funky illusions that what I was doing was actually important. For instance, I knew all about the kolat."

"No way," I said. "You?"

He nodded.

"I was a kolat!" I said.

Hasame frowned. "That's the kind of crap I'm talking about! We worked together, and I didn't even know! I knew their plans, I knew their agents, I knew what they were up to, I knew their big Ultimate Goal! I was one hundred per cent sure that I was the one destined to take them down. When I joined Toturi's Army, I figured, 'Yeah, this is it. Toturi and me all the way. We're taking down the kolat together.' Then what happens? Out of the clear blue sky a bunch of ninjas come into Otosan Uchi, corrupt Toturi, and chop off my head. Now tell me, how much does that suck? My whole kolat back story, my whole noble quest, out the window with a bucket of water. It just made me feel like I was a side character in someone else's story or something. Like the only good I could do was to take a hit for one of the more important characters. The End. Kind of makes you reevaluate things when something like that happens. You know what I mean, Garou?"

"You have no idea," I said sincerely.

We kept walking.

"So you're not mad that I was a kolat?" I asked.

"Eh, who cares now?" Hasame shrugged. "They can plan all they want. They'll be up here soon enough like the rest of us."

Soon we stepped out into a clear blue sky with white fluffy clouds. Fat little men with bald heads and saffron robes sat meditating everywhere. Gentle music trickled from some unseen instrument. I was momentarily nauseated by how fully my expectations were met yet again.

"I know," Hasame said, nodding at me. "I didn't expect it all to be this cute and tidy, either. Anyway, this is one of the five heavenly cities. I can't remember which one, but it doesn't really matter. They're all pretty much the same. Come with me. I'll introduce you to some people. The party's this way."

"Party?" I asked.

Hasame nodded. "There's always a party going on up here."

I was stunned. "Aren't we supposed to be guiding the spirits of the living?"

Hasame thought about that for a second. "Well, we do that sometimes. Mostly you guys seem to be able to take care of yourselves, though."

I shook my head. "But isn't there some sort of terrible catastrophe going on down on the earth?"

Hasame shrugged. "There's always some sort of terrible catastrophe going on down on the earth. And people are always dying that have nothing to do with it." He seemed a little bitter.

"The moon and sun have fallen from the sky!" I shouted. "Doesn't that matter to you?"

"You'd be surprised what doesn't matter to us," Hasame said, and sounded a bit sad.

"Well, then listen to reason, at least," I replied, following after him. "The Lying Darkness is consuming Jigoku! The ninjas will be here any moment! They'll consume us all and turn us into an army of faceless slaves! All of creation will unravel! Aren't you afraid of that?"

"Hm," Hasame said noncommittally. "That would be different, anyway. Might be a nice change. Anyway, follow me. I'll introduce you to the guys."

I sighed and followed the little ronin. He led me to a small pagoda. There were people hanging around outside and having drinks.

"Garou!" one said, running up to me with a desperate look in his eyes. He had a disproportionately big head, lots of pimples, and a harsh, squeaky voice. "Glad to see you, man!"

I blinked. "Hida Sukune?" I asked. "Gimpy?"

"Please don't call me that," Sukune frowned. "I'm the Shadow Samurai now." He flexed.

"Congratulations," I replied, trying to appear impressed.

"Hey, thanks," he grinned widely. "We were just wondering what was going on down on Earth. Some newbies have been telling us some pretty funny stuff."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Hey, bro, come over here," Sukune called out. "Garou's here!"

The second biggest Crab I've ever seen walked over with an angry scowl on his face.

"Uh, hi, Yakamo," I said nervously. "How's it going?"

"What's this crap I hear about me being the sun?" Yakamo asked, folding his tree trunk arms and staring down at me.

"The sun?" I replied. "Er... I have no idea what you're talking about."

Hasame frowned. "This is Hida Yakamo?" Hasame asked. "What's he doing here? Toku told me that you guys brought Yakamo back from the dead."

"Explain what that man said, please," Yakamo snapped, stabbing a finger at Hasame and looking at me.

"It's complicated," I replied. "We *tried* to bring you back from the dead. As it turned out, it wasn't so much *you* that we brought back from the dead as it was a Crane poet wearing your armor."

"Shijin?!?" Yakamo snarled. "I was wondering where that punk had run off to. You're telling me that you resurrected Kakita Shijin and pretended he was me?" He grabbed my collar in two large fists and lifted me into the air. "Garou, you would be so dead right now if you weren't dead already. As it is, I'll just have to tie you into weird pretzelly shapes. It'll hurt." I yelped quietly and looked down to Hasame for help.

Hasame was gone.

"Yakamo, is that any way for my son to act?" boomed a thunderous voice. Then the first biggest Crab I've ever seen eclipsed us both in his shadow. I had trouble seeing him in the sudden dim light, but it wasn't hard to recognize the Great Bear, Hida Kisada.

Kisada slapped Yakamo in the back of the head with a hollow resounding tone. He paused for a moment, then slapped Sukune too, just for good measure. Sukune fell down.

"Dad!" Yakamo whined, still holding me a foot above the ground. "What the heck are you doing? I'm trying to beat up Garou!"

"I swear your mother must have had an affair with the mailman," Kisada growled. "You look enough like a Shinjo. Put Garou down, you idiot. He's a hero."

"But he ruined my destiny!" Yakamo whined. "I was supposed to be the sun and he screwed it up!"

"No," Kisada replied. "You screwed up your own life by being a moron. In fact, you were such a moron, I made damned sure that those nagas couldn't find your body and put that poet right out there in your armor where they would find it. I figured that the world was much better off with a Crane set in the heavens than an idiot like you. Next thing you know, you'd be naming onis after yourself again and then everyone would be screwed when Oni no Sun starts ravaging the countryside."

"But Hitomi got to be a celestial body!" Yakamo snapped, shaking me in the air. "I want to be one, too!"

"For Jigoku's sake," Kisada shook his head slowly, causing wind currents. "If all your little Thunder friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump off the bridge too?"

"Sure," Yakamo nodded. "I could take the damage, then root through all their stuff."

Kisada thought about that for a moment. "Yes, I think my theory is correct," Kisada nodded. "You're an idiot. Now put Garou down and go to your room."

"But dad-" Yakamo whined.

"DO IT NOW!" Kisada roared, and the heavens shook. Literally.

"Yes, sir," Yakamo replied. He tossed me to the ground and stomped off.

"You too, Gimpy," Kisada snarled, pointing at Sukune.

"Me?!?" Sukune squealed, finally crawling back to his feet. "I didn't do nothing wrong!"

"No, but you suck," Kisada said. "Now get lost."

Sukune nodded and fled.

"Sorry about that," Kisada said as I struggled back to my feet. "Kids these days, you know? Only one of them with an ounce of brains in her head was their sister. Guess that shows, since she's still alive and all."

"Yes, sir," I said, nodding gratefully to the Great Bear.

"So what happened to your tetsubo, Yasuki?" Kisada asked. "Did you sell it or something?"

"No, sir," I replied. "It was taken away. I'm not a Yasuki anymore, either. I'm not even a Crab."

Kisada blinked. "Okay, let me get this straight," he said. "They fired you, but they're still keeping my freeloading brother Tsuru around?"

I nodded. "Last I heard, sir. It's not as if I didn't deserve it, though. I was cast out of the clan for starting a war."

Kisada sighed. "That damned girl," he shook his head. "What's she thinking? If I kicked people out of the Crab Clan every time they started an unnecessary war there'd be none of us left. Don't worry, I'll go give her a piece of my mind. You'll get your tetsubo back, Yasuki."

"It's all right, sir," I said. "You don't need to talk to O-Ushi. I'm in the Monkey Clan now, and I'm happy with that."

Kisada shook his head. "I wish you'd change you mind," he said. "The Crab could use a few more smart kids like you. Maybe you didn't notice, but the clan is just going into the toilet. I don't mind saying it, either, Garou. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it, being a guardian spirit and all. Nobody ever listens to me." Kisada sat on a large cloud, bowing it with his weight. He looked infinitely depressed, and I felt kind of sorry for him.

Well, there's one sure way to cheer up a Crab.

"Hey, Kisada-sama!" I said. "Are you ready for the battle?"

"Eh?" he said, peering up with one eye. "What are you talking about? There aren't any battles in the heavenly cities. Not ever. It's always peaceful. Always. All the time. Sometimes I wonder if this isn't actually hell and they're just trying to screw with my mind."

"Actually, the ninjas and the Shadowlands are taking over the spirit world," I replied. "That's what I heard, anyway. They should be staging an all-out attack on us any time now, when we're weakest and most unprepared. We haven't got a prayer. We'll be entirely wiped out."

"You're just saying that to cheer me up," Kisada said with a little grin.

"No, I'm not kidding!" I replied. "It's true!"

Kisada looked suddenly hopeful. "Really?" he said, his eyes shining in happiness like a child who just received a puppy. "Garou, you're the best!" He got up and ran off, calling for his tetsubo and armor.

That made me feel better. I still didn't know what we were going to do about the ninjas, but it made me feel better that Kisada wasn't depressed anymore. He was always a nice guy, despite his rep. I sat down and played with my halo for awhile and watched the party going on down below. I recognized a few people in the group. Some of them were friends that I hadn't even realized were dead, like my cousin Nokatsu. I was sad to see him there, but I didn't go say hello, since I figured he might be sad to see I was dead, too. I realize that I'd become a little depressed but, once again, that happens to you when you get your head chopped off.

While my mind was wandering, I wondered what they'd done with my head. Did they burn it? Bury it? Did they just throw it away? I'd done all my thinking with that head, for all the good it did, and it had a lot of sentimental value for me. I couldn't help but wonder how things had turned out for my head. I wondered what happened to my Crab-chick tattoo, too. It didn't seem to carry over with me to my spirit form. I wondered if it still worked. If it did, I wouldn't put it past Sanzo to chop off my arm and carry it around with him everywhere.

Okay, that was a weird train of thought. I quickly abandoned it and started trying to pick Sanzo out of the crowd. I couldn't find him, and that bugged me a little. I figured the least Agetoki could have done would be to kill Sanzo after he killed me. It's not as if the big guy couldn't do it, or didn't want to. It annoyed me that he hadn't. I had a lot I wanted to say to Sanzo, and didn't want to wait.

"What the hell were you thinking?" was somewhere near the top of the list.

"You're depressed, I can tell," said a voice from beside me. "Don't worry, it'll pass. Everything will pass, more or less, in time. Believe you me, I know. Things get better up here."

I looked up to see who was talking to me, and my eyes widened in surprise.

It was Toturi.

"Toturi-sama," I said, rising and bowing quickly. "I didn't know you were here!"

"Hey, drop the Toturi-sama rubbish," Toturi said, waving me to my feet. "I'm just Akodo Toturi, a regular old Lion. I'm nobody."

I looked at him in confusion and didn't rise. "No, my lord," I said. "You're the Lion Clan Thunder. You're the hero of the Clan Wars. You're the Emperor!"

"Oh, yeah, that guy," Toturi said, sitting down on the ground with a chuckle. "Nope, sorry, wrong guy. I've been up here for twenty years."

I sat up in a kneeling position, still baffled. "What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You're thinking of the rest of me that's still running around down there on earth," he said with a smile. "Akodo Toturi's brain has been dead for a long, long time. It's okay, though. He's gotten along amazingly well without me."

I blinked. "So that entire adventure we had was basically pointless?!?" I asked, standing and flailing my hands about wildly. "All our efforts to get you off the alcohol and transform you back from a black chicken and rescue you from the Lying Darkness were doomed from the start because you've been brain-dead for twenty years?!? I've been wasting my entire life?!?"

"I wouldn't say that," Toturi replied. "You had fun, didn't you?"

I considered that for a second. "Well, yeah, I guess I did," I nodded. "But I got kicked out of my clan!"

"You got a new one," Toturi said.

"Otosan Uchi was destroyed!" I snapped.

"You saved it," Toturi said. "It's good as new, nearly."

"I got my head chopped off!" I pointed at my face.

"And now you're in heaven," Toturi replied. "Anything else? Is it really bothering you that you're dead, or that you died in the middle of nowhere with no one to remember you?"

"I think that's probably it," I nodded, sitting down again and hugging my knees to my chest. "It's the same problem Hasame had. I thought I would be some kind of big hero, but it turns out nobody cares. I got killed by one of my best friends for no reason at all. I didn't get to find out what that whole deal was between me and Goju Adorai. I never got to find out why Yotsu Seou was following me around, or if she liked me at all. I never got to redeem Mister Kuni like I wanted to. I never got to find out whether that nezumi prophecy was true and I was really the Rat That Walks Like a Man. There are so many unresolved sub-plots in my life..."

"You never explained the magic elephant," Toturi nodded.

"Oh, I never planned on doing that anyway," I shrugged. "Still, it sucks."

"Oh, I can imagine your life *must* suck," Toturi laughed. "You fought at Beiden Pass. You beat up the False Hoturi at your prom. You dueled with Dairya and won. You've wielded a Bloodsword without losing your soul. You've been tattooed by the Dragon and used Togashi magic to steal the hearts of the Matsu Lion's Pride and Hitomi herself. You've been a Crab, a kolat, a naga, a Phoenix, a Matsu, and an Imperial Clock Keeper. You've battled the Lying Darkness alone and survived. You've defeated Oni no Akuma, Oni no Yakamo, hugged Oni no Pekkle and unwittingly seduced Oni no Okura. You met the original Akodo. You jammed out at Norikazu's Rave. You're one of the founding members of a Minor Clan, and for better or worse you've seen Toku naked. You've met Shinsei, and he let you ask any question you wanted. You made friends who will remember you forever even if the histories don't."

"You know all that about me?" I asked, amazed.

"Oh, I'm a big fan," Toturi replied.

The thought that I had somehow accrued fans was somehow frightening.

"What I'm getting at is this," Toturi continued. "The sub-plots aren't what matters. It's the road along the way. You don't read a book for the ending, right? You read it for the story. If you like the story, if you had fun along the way, then the time has not been wasted. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Maybe, but here's my point," I pushed on. "Nothing ever works out quite like I expect it to. You mentioned Shinsei. Take that for example. I should have asked him the meaning of life, but I didn't. I wasted my question asking him why I love shrimp even though I hate seafood. What kind of a stupid question is that? My life is a series of wasted opportunities."

"You didn't waste your opportunity," Toturi replied. "You learned the meaning of life on your own."

"And what's that?" I asked.

Toturi paused for a moment, and the most serene smile came across his face before he spoke. "You can't always get what you want," he said. "You can't always get what you want," he repeated. "No, you can't always get what you want," now he was singing. "But if you try sometimes... You just might find... You get what you need."

"That sounds somehow familiar," I replied.

"Everyone says that," Toturi answered. "I wonder why..."

I didn't get to answer his question right then, since in the next moment Oblivion's Gate burst open and the heavenly city filled with screaming ninjas.

"Wow. Look at that," the Crane mumbled, pointing down at the savaged battlefield below. "They're doing that all wrong. They're leaving the left flank wide open."

"They really don't have a clue," the Lion concurred with a shake of his head. "Back in my day, we'd have never been so sloppy. We'd never have given them an opening like that."

I looked at both of them. "What the heck are you guys talking about?" I asked, glancing down at the battlefield surrounding Volturnum. "They don't seem to be doing anything wrong."

"Ah, it is good of you to be so forgiving," Daidoji Kedamono said with a chuckle and a slight shake of his head. "You are not a warrior."

"Yes!" Matsu Morishigi replied. "We are ancestral spirits! We carry the way of the warrior in our hearts! It is our duty to see that our descendants carry the battle through, true and strong! We guide their swords! We live on in their hearts! We-"

"You guys have been dead for, like, ten minutes," I said. "In fact, you used to *be* in that army down there. None of those people are your descendants, cause you're both twenty years old. Now settle down."

Kedamono frowned. "I'm thirty-two," he said. "I just have a young face. And I have a nephew down there. That's kind of like a descendant, right?"

"Yes!" Morishigi said with fervor. "We must guide our descendant, Kedamono's nephew, and see that he attains the glory he deserves!" Kedamono glared at Morishigi. "He's not your descendant. He's mine. Back off and find your own kharmic tie."

"Oh, come on," Morishigi whined. "Be fair. I don't have any nephews. I got nothing. I want to be an ancestral spirit, too."

"Well, you can't have Daidoji Yuri," Kedamono folded his arms and smiled smugly. "I guess you'll have to go be a ghost or something. Toss a sheet over your head and start going 'Ooooooo!', Lion, cause that's as close as you're getting to Ningen-do."

Ningen-do, by the way, is what the spirits call the material world.

It is not, contrary to popular belief, a video game system.

"Guys," I interrupted them both. "This is stupid. We can't sit up here in Yomi and argue while the world tears itself apart down there. The ninjas already burst into the heavenly cities once. We fought them off, but they could do it again. We should be trying to figure out a way to help those people down there."

Kedamono nodded and looked down into the city of Volturnum again. "Wow," he said. "I never noticed that before."

"What?" I asked, quickly running over to look down. "What is it? Something that can help us?"

"Nah," Kedamono replied. "I just noticed how much Volturnum looked like that big Coliseum from Gladiator. Did you see that movie? Russell Crowe was awesome. There was this scene where four tigers came up out of pits in the ground and--"

"Never mind," I said, walking away.

"Hey, Kedamono!" Morishigi shouted from somewhere.

"Not now!" the Crane shouted back, still looking down at the city. "I'm looking for my nephew. I have to guide him."

"Hey, no worries, then!" Morishigi replied. "He's here now!" Morishigi pointed at a rather tattered and bloody Crane standing next to him, an arrow lodged in one eye socket. He waved at his uncle sheepishly.

"Oh, bugger," Kedamono grumbled. "Now who am I supposed to guide?"

"I have a cat back at home," Daidoji Yuri replied. "We could go give *him* ancestral guidance!"

"Good idea!" Kedamono said, "We must guide Daidoji Kitty's destiny!"

"His name is Floopers," Yuri corrected. And they ran off.

"This is insane," I said, shaking my head. "They don't even care. The world is falling apart and they're all wrapped up in their own concerns."

"Eh, that's always the way, isn't it?" Toturi said, appearing next to me and sitting on a rock.

"People are stupid, nodded Hida Kisada, appearing from nowhere and leaning against a tree. The tree bent.

"It was the same way when I was back in college," Toturi went on. "You know, the Clan War days. I kept trying to get everybody to get motivated, get involved, what have you. I posted flyers, I went door to door, I had rallies. Nobody cared. The only people I got to show up were a couple scummy ronin, that one-eyed crazy guy, and Toku. What kind of army is that? What a failure."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, sitting next to the Lion Thunder. "You built Toturi's Army! Toturi's Army! You united the clans! You saved all of Rokugan! You defeated Fu Leng!"

"Yeah, and don't get me wrong that was pretty cool, but that's not what I was *trying* to do," Toturi said. "People just started getting ideas in their heads and went wild. I had, like, no creative control whatsoever. At one point I was like: 'Mikio. Dude. You people aren't listening to me. Either take my name off the army or clean up your act.' Mikio was like: 'Here, try this zokujin booze.' Everything got a little foggy after that and, soon enough, I was here."

"Wait a second," Kisada rumbled. "You weren't trying to save the Empire with Toturi's Army? You weren't trying to defeat Fu Leng?"

"Yeah, I don't get it either," I added. "What in Jigoku were you trying to do, then?"

Toturi looked at Kisada for a moment, and his face got very sad. "It wasn't about the war," he said. "It was all about clan spirit. We just wanted to cheer everybody up through pep rallies and improvisational dance. That's all. I didn't want to change the world or nothin'. I just wanted to dance."

"You wanted Toturi's Army to be a bunch of cheerleaders?" Kisada asked, raising one great eyebrow.

"That's pretty much it," Toturi replied. "Where did I go wrong, Big Daddy K?"

"I don't know," Kisada replied scratching his chin. "I can't help but wonder how the Battle at Beiden Pass might have turned out if it had been an army of cheerleaders instead of resourceful, cunning ronin. And don't ever call me Big Daddy K again. Ever."

"Gotcha," Toturi nodded.

"You know the Way," said a mysterious voice. "Though you do not believe you know the Way, the Way is that which you see before you."

We all turned at once, and out of a cloud of mist an enormous man in golden armor appeared. His eyes seemed to glow green, and his voice resounded in our thoughts rather than through true sound. We knew him immediately. He could be none other than Togashi Yokuni, the enigmatic lord of the Dragon.

"You do not see the Way, perhaps," Yokuni continued. "But there is a Way to the Way, and that Way is to follow the Way. Along the Way, it may seem like the Way is a long Way away but the Way to find the Way is to weigh the elements of the Way accordingly. Way back when the Way was Way, Way, away, you may have thought that there was no Way to continue along the Way, yet you found a Way. There is a Way, if you find a Way, to follow the Way though the Way seems to give you no Way. Do you see now?"

"No way," said Hida Kisada.

"I... understand," Lord Togashi, Toturi said, a look of pleased enlightenment spreading across his face.

I looked at all three of them in turn. "No you don't," I said. "You don't understand two words. You're just pretending so that he'll leave."

Toturi looked a bit guilty. Kisada started making rapid shushing sounds at me, covering one side of his face so Yokuni wouldn't notice.

"What?" Togashi Yokuni asked. "Is that true? You guys really don't get it?"

"What the honorable Garou-san means to say, Lord Yokuni," Toturi replied, "Is that though your wisdom may be as hard as crystal, it is even yet as clear."

"Ah," Yokuni nodded.

"Bull," I shot back. "After a life time of putting up with Dragons, being confused by them, being screwed around with by them, being beaten up by them, and being *tattooed* by them, I've had about enough. Now that I'm dead, I see no reason to keep up the charade. Yokuni, you make absolutely no sense. You've never made any sense. If anyone ever did get any sense out of anything you've ever said, I'm sure it's entirely by accident. Now, I know as a kami and a founding father of our Empire, I know you're due a little respect, but I think the best way to show you that respect is to stop pretending and tell you that you're absolutely full of crap."

"Way?" Yokuni said meekly.

"Stop that," I said, pointing at him. "Just answer me this. Answer me this and I'll back off. Do *you* even know what you're talking about?"

Yokuni considered that for a moment. "Well, there are many levels to understanding the Way-"

"Stop it!" I snapped. "Do you smell what you're shoveling or not?"

Yokuni rubbed the top of his helmet nervously. "Um... no. But you humans seemed to think it was so deep and mysterious I just kept on doing it. I guess it just got out of hand. Sorry."

"A-ha!" Kisada shouted triumphantly. "I knew it!" He punched the tree he had been leaning against. It fell down.

"Hush," I snapped back at him. (When I was alive, I never would have 'hushed' the Great Bear, but I guess being dead had made me brave.) "Hey, it's okay," I said to the Dragon, feeling a little bad that I'd been so hard on him. "Just don't do it any more. You've got another chance, right? Weren't you reincarnated or something?"

Yokuni blinked. "I was?" he asked. "When was that?"

"Er... your grandson?" I asked. "Togashi Hoshi married that mysterious Hoshi Eisai chick and they had some kind of great destiny together. They have a kid now. Last I heard, they were going to name it Herbert, but that may have changed. I figured the kid was you reincarnated, and so does pretty much everybody else. It seemed obvious."

"Yeah, I could see that," Togashi nodded. "I pretty much hammered that 'change-the-name-every-one-hundred-years-and-pretend-to-be-somebody-else' trick into the ground. I guess they caught on. I don't know why, they never seem to clue into that on Highlander. Boy that was a good movie. The sequels sucked, but the show wasn't too bad. It's just kind of weird that--"

"Wait," I said, cutting him off. "Are you saying that you're *not* Hoshi's child?"

"Me?" Togashi replied, placing one hand on his chest. "Nah. I'm not my own grandpa. That's more the Crane Clan's bag."

"How could he be the child anyway?" Kisada asked. "He's up here, isn't he? How can he be in Yomi and be reincarnated?"

"Hey, it's possible," Yokuni replied. "Time works in weird ways up here; I could still get down there in time for the birth. Don't think I will, though. I've had enough fun in Rokugan for one lifetime. It's time for me to retire. Hey, incidentally, do you think Hoshi will keep my family name or take hers? It's not like I'm arrogant enough to want my name to live on forever or anything. I just think if the kid called himself Hoshi Hoshi it would be a little silly."

"Far be it from the Dragon clan to put up with being silly," Toturi said dryly.

"Well, anyway, all of this is sort of irrelevant," I cut in, trying to steer the conversation back to wherever it had been before.

"Everything's irrelevant, Garou," Toturi replied. "We're all dead. Remember?"

"No," I frowned. "That's the problem. Everything's not irrelevant. The Shadow broke in here earlier! What if we hadn't fought them off? Where would we be then?"

"Still dead, I imagine," Toturi answered. The others nodded.

"No, I don't think so," I replied. "I know Goju Adorai. He's a little weird, but he's got a streak of old-school supervillain in him. He doesn't do anything without a reason, though that reason may, admittedly, be something like manipulating the Emperor into being turned into a chicken so that he can return him to Otosan Uchi in time to be cooked for the Imperial Court's consumption."

"That was pretty cool," Kisada nodded.

We all looked at Kisada.

"What?" Kisada replied, defensive. "I used to be a super-villain! I'm not saying I'm still evil, or that I, personally, would try to eat the Emperor. I'm just saying that -from the point of view from someone who was once in the business of evil- I appreciate good craftsmanship. All things considered, that was a pretty good idea. It would have worked if not for you meddling kids."

"Thanks, Kisada," I replied.

"No prob, Bob," the Great Bear gave a little salute.

"So what's your point, Garou?" Yokuni asked. He'd stopped doing the funny voice in the head trick and was just talking now. I guess maybe that tires you out after a while, or maybe he just thought it was getting old.

"My point is this," I answered. "We have to pitch in and *stop* the Shadow. We can't just sit here and wait for it to attack again, or hope that the folks down there in Volturnum can figure it out on their own. We have to get out there and do something about it actively! You guys are all generals. Tell me this. Is it wise to start a battle on two fronts?"

Toturi narrowed his eyes. "Front? I don't follow you. What's a front? Is that, like, nautical talk or something? Like port and starboard?"

Kisada looked at Toturi. "You were the greatest general in Rokugan. You don't know what 'front' means?"

Toturi shrugged. "I leave the math up to the mathematicians. I usually just wing it."

Kisada blinked. "And you beat me at Beiden Pass. *Without* a functioning brain. If I weren't already dead, I would commit seppuku right now."

"Guys, let's try to focus," I pressed on. "What I'm saying is that it's not a good idea to start a battle with enemies on both sides. Would you agree with that?"

"Yes," Kisada nodded.

"I guess so," Toturi agreed.

"That is the Way that seems the clearest, to the blind man," Yokuni said.

"Yokuni, I warned you about that," I said.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

"Wait," Kisada said, holding up one thick finger. "I think I get your drift here. You're saying that if we went out there and attacked the Shadow from behind while our descendants fight on the front lines, that we could beat them!"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," I snapped my fingers.

"About time one of you losers figured it out," said a whiny voice. A scrawny man suddenly appeared in the path beside us. There were large, dark circles under his eyes, and he looked very, very tired. Like everyone else around here, he had a halo. His was flickering, like a candle just about ready to go out. (Or, if you prefer a more anachronistic comparison, like a crapped out fluorescent light tube.)

"Who the heck are you?" I asked.

"I?" the man smiled. "I am RYOSHUN!"

"I'm sorry?" I said, shaking my head. "Were you a Unicorn or something? I don't know a lot of Unicorns."

"Unicorn?!?" Ryoshun exclaimed. "I am the tenth Kami! Lord of the Underworld! Protector of the Spirits!" He held his hands out to his side and dramatic music blared. His little halo glimmered a tad more brightly. "Come on! I know you know me!"

"Er... Ryo-who?" Toturi asked, looking at Kisada.

"Don't ask me," Kisada shrugged.

"What?" Ryoshun gawked. "Garou, you're a shugenja! You talk to spirits all the time! I know you've heard of me! You must have!"

"Never heard of you," I said, shaking my head. "Sorry."

"Togashi!" Ryoshun said, turning to Yokuni. "Brother, tell them who I am!"

"Er... have we met?" Yokuni asked.

"I'm your damned brother!" Ryoshun snapped.

"Fu Leng?" Yokuni asked.

Ryoshun sighed. "I didn't mean literally 'your damned brother.' I meant to say that I'm your brother, damnit!"

"Ah," Yokuni nodded. "Are we not all brothers? The Way is one of brotherhood, and-"

"Oh, stop that!" Ryoshun shrieked. "You're telling me none of you have ever heard of me? Ever? I've been guarding the Rift for two thousand years and I don't even rate a glimmer of recognition?!? Togashi! You were the last one I spoke to! Don't you remember?!?"

Togashi Yokuni looked around blankly for a moment, then clapped his hands and laughed. "Oh, yeah!" he said. "THAT'S what's been bugging me so much for the last two millennia. I knew I forgot to tell the mortals something important. For a while there, I thought maybe it was 'dispose the feudal system and install a fair and democratic system of government as soon as possible,' and I was all disappointed since we pretty much screwed that up. Man, what a relief."

Rysohun scowled. "You forgot me," he snapped. "You left me to die in Onnotangu's belly while I pushed the rest of you up through the hole Hantei carved. I've lived in darkness, defending Yomi from the darker denizens of the spirit world for untold centuries. My name has died out while I made the ultimate sacrifice so that my brothers and sisters could build their Empire. AND YOU FORGOT?!?"

"Sorry," Yokuni shrugged. "It slipped my mind. And anyway, it wasn't untold centuries. It was twenty centuries. That's not exactly 'untold.'"

Ryoshun sighed and rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder if Fu Leng got all the brains in our family. We'll argue about this later, Togashi. Right now, let's deal with the problem at hand. Garou is right. We need to attack the Shadow, and quick. We'll need a leader to do that. Someone who can unite all the clans together and direct them against our common foe. I would have picked myself - seeing as how I'm the god of the spirit world and all that - but we've run into a small snag in that nobody knows who I am. I can open the door, but one of you will have to lead the armies of the dead. Who's it going to be?"

"One of us?" I asked. "Out of all the centuries of dead Emperors and generals, it has to be one of us? Why not Sun Tao, or Hiruma Oishi, or Doji Hotei, or Akodo Minobe, or some other famous hero? Aren't there plenty of those up here?"

"Well, yes, but nobody alive knows what they look like," Ryoshun replied. "Visual recognition is important here. When the living souls of Rokugan see us ride through the gates of Volturnum, there had better be someone they know at the front of the army or it's just going to scare the crap out of them. It'll have to be one of you."

"On of us four?" I asked, feeling a bit dizzy to be included in the equation.

"Well, naturally that doesn't include you," Ryoshun added with a sniff. "Nobody cares about you, Monkey-boy, and the ones that *do* recognize you probably want to kill you."

Somehow, that managed to insult me and relieve me at the same time.

"I cannot lead the armies," Togashi said. "My destiny is fulfilled, my Way has been completed. There is another Way-"

"Stuff it, scale-belly," Ryoshun snapped. "I didn't want you to lead anyway. We'd just wander in circles forever." He turned to Hida Kisada and Akodo Toturi. "You two," he said, pointing at them. "You were the two mightiest generals in the Clan Wars. It has to be one of you."

"Well, all things considered, I think I'll have to decline," Kisada said with a short bow.

"Kisada-sama?" I said with a start. "You don't want to lead the armies into battle?"

"Well, it's not that I don't want to," Kisada said nervously. "It's just that, historically, there's a somewhat negative reaction to Crabs coming back from the dead. Yori and Amoro gave us a bad track record with that sort of thing. I'd probably just scare people. I'll go along, don't get me wrong, but I don't think you guys want me in the driver's seat."

"Okay, then," Ryoshun nodded. "Toturi, it will be you."

Toturi shook his head rapidly. "I'm no warrior," he said. "I can't lead them!"

"You have to," Ryoshun said. "The Empire depends on you. You were the hero of the Clan Wars. You were the Emperor of Rokugan."

"That wasn't me," Toturi said. "I'm just the brains. It's the cult of freaks that follow my vegetable body around that made me Emperor. And *man* what a bad idea that was! Did you know that my body had been planning to elevate the Bee-Gees to the status of minor Fortunes before Garou and his crew kidnapped me? They should know better than to put that kind of power into the hands of a brain-dead alcoholic. I was a menace! I still *am* a menace! My body's still running around out there, somewhere, alive, doing who knows what!"

"Well, then this is your chance, isn't it?" I asked Toturi. "This is your chance to make up for some of the stupid things you did after you drank your brain to death. This is your chance to become the real Toturi, the Toturi you always intended to be. Isn't there anything you left undone that is worth going back for?"

"I could be the greatest cheerleading coach the Empire has ever seen?" Toturi asked excitedly.

Dead silence.

"Well, we'll see about that, okay?" Ryoshun said warily. "Let's just save the Empire first, okay?"

"Okay, then!" Toturi said, leaping to his feet and doing a quick cartwheel.

It really was a quite impressive cartwheel. For a dead guy, the Lion Thunder is a lot more nimble than he looks.

With that, the five of us set out to gather the army of the dead.

And let the Shadow beware...

The army of the spirits had gathered on the plains of the spirit world, preparing for the final charge through Jigoku and into the Shadowlands beyond. I stood at Toturi's side, watching as the great heroes of the spirit world rallied their companions.

"I represent the strength of the Crab Clan!" Hida Sukune shouted proudly, holding his tetsubo aloft in one hand.

"I will fight for the honor of the Crane!" announced Doji Hoturi, his brilliant white hair whipping in the ethereal wind.

"The Phoenix shall not allow Rokugan to slip into darkness again!" Isawa Tadaka called out, raw magical energy crackling all around him.

"The Scorpion ever stand to protect the Empire from itself," added Bayushi Shoju, his eyes frightening behind his snarling mask.

"Go team!" shouted some Unicorn guy.

Everybody got kind of quiet and looked at him. "Who the heck are you?" Kisada asked.

"Who am I?" the Unicorn replied. "I am Iuchi Daiyu!"

Kisada glanced back at Toturi, then down at the Unicorn again. "I don't know who you are," Kisada said. "What did you do?"

"I was an old man who got killed by a little girl," Daiyu said. "But it wasn't a fair fight. She had her grandpa's skull."

Kisada blinked. "Ah," he said. "Well, you see, I think you might be lost. This is supposed to be a gathering of the greatest heroes from each of the Great Clans. We've been gathering them to lead the armies of the spirits."

"I know," Daiyu said.

"So what are you doing here?" Kisada asked.

Daiyu smiled apologetically. "I'm all we had," he said.

Toturi coughed. "What?" he snapped. "You're the best hero the Unicorn have to offer?"

"That just can't be true," I said. "The Unicorn have plenty of great heroes. Like, say for instance...."

Everyone looked at me and waited patiently.

"I can't think of one right now," I said. "But I'm sure they're out there. I mean, they're a Great Clan for Pete's sake! Right?"

"Oh, you're right, Garou-san," Daiyu nodded quickly. "We Unicorn do indeed have our share of heroes, but none of them are dead. We've had a pretty good track record of keeping ourselves alive. Better part of valor and all that."

Kisada looked surprised. "Wow!" he said. "You're right! I can't think of a single Unicorn that died during the Clan Wars! Not a one! Half my clan bites it on the Day of Thunder and you guys are still kicking! That's incredible!"

"The luck of the Unicorn is indeed astonishing," Toturi nodded.

"Luck?" Ryoshun laughed from where he sat beside an enormous tree. "What luck? That's what those quick horses are for. First sign of trouble? Follow the Unicorn. Chances are, he knows where the exit is."

"He's absolutely right," Daiyu nodded.

"Well, I guess you'll have to do, Daiyu-san," Toturi nodded. "Now let's get moving. The world isn't going to save itself."

We all fell into line. The armies of the spirit world seemed to stretch on forever. Countless bushi, shugenja, and even courtiers stood ready to fight for the future of the Empire that was once theirs. A rainbow of colors spread across the horizon - blue Cranes, golden Lions, scarlet Scorpions, steel-grey Crabs, fiery Phoenix, emerald Dragons, and purple Unicorns (well, not so many purple unicorns) as well as the countless colors of lesser houses and families that no longer existed in the world of the living. All had assembled here to fight at Lord Toturi's command. There was no fear in any of their eyes, only a certainty that death was no obstacle, a certainty that they had nothing left to fear.

It was inspiring.

...

No.

Actually, it wasn't. There was something wrong here. Very, very wrong.

It all felt kind of hollow. Really, what were we risking? We were already dead. It's not like we had much else to lose. We had already seen what was waiting on the other side, and it wasn't so bad. If we died again it didn't mean anything more than a long walk back to the battlefield. Death was more of an annoyance right now more than anything else. That seemed very wrong in a way that made my knees shake slightly. I was very scared all of a sudden and I didn't know why.

I tried not to think about it; it was too confusing. I wondered what the rest of Rokugan would do when they found out that continued existence after death was an absolute certainty. Finding out that the great barrier between this world and the next was so wishy washy was bound to change a few things.

I would find out soon enough. Soon, we were at the gates, and I could hear the sound of battle. Toturi shouted the charge and Kisada was right there alongside him. Somewhere along the line, I was pushed away by the mob, separated from the other officers. I tried to pick them out of the fighting, make my way back to them, but gave up after a time. They didn't really need me, and now that I was back in Rokugan I wasn't really sure what I was fighting for. The ease of travel back from Jigoku was really bothering me. I didn't know what it was, but the strength had just sort of drained out of me. I couldn't fight anymore. What was the point? Death wasn't the end. It was just a time-out. It took the thrill out of the conflict, somehow.

"Hey!" shouted a Scorpion, grabbing me by the collar and spitting into my face. "What are you doing, Monkey! Get in there and fight!" I was a little surprised by the man's face. He looked a bit... gaijin?

"AHA!" shouted a voice from behind us. "I will show you a butcher, Abresax!" A sword suddenly emerged from between the Scorpion's eyes. He peered up at it for a moment in confusion, then let go of my collar and died. Standing right behind him was a very smug looking Lion, wiping off the blade of his katana with a piece of cloth. From the glow, I could tell he was a spirit.

"No need to thank me, Garou," Matsu Gohei said with a smirk and a shrug. "Just doing my part."

"I thought we were fighting the Goju," I mumbled. "Not each other."

"Goju? Gaijin? What's the difference? A couple of vowels," Gohei laughed. "We're already dead, anyway. What else can happen?"

"AHA!" shouted a voice from behind us. "I will show you a butcher, Lion!" Gohei was suddenly split from shoulder to hip and toppled to the ground, dead. The gaijin Scorpion stood behind him, a curved sword clutched in both hands. The Scorpion was now suffused in the glow of the spirit world. I glanced down at my feet and noticed his corpse, still lying on the ground.

"That'll show you!" Abresax spat on Gohei's dead body.

"AHA!" shouted a voice from behind him. "I will show you a butcher, Senpet!" Gohei jumped through Oblivion's gate again and disemboweled Abresax with his sword.

"AHA!" shouted a voice from behind Gohei. "I will show you a butcher, Lion!" Abresax jumped out again and caved in Gohei's head with a mallet.

"AHA!" shouted a voice from behind Abresax. "I will show you a butcher, Senpet!" Gohei did a spinning back-flip through Jigoku's gates and buried a knife in Abresax's eye.

"AHA!" shouted a voice from behind Gohei. "I will show you a butcher, Lion!" Abresax climbed up the side of the gate and delivered a flying elbow-drop to Matsu Gohei.

"AHA!" shouted a voice from behind Abresax. "I will show you a butcher, Senpet!" Gohei ran through the gates with a polearm held high and buried it in Abresax's spine.

After a while, I couldn't even hear them any more. The enormous pile of Gohei and Abresax corpses were piled too high to tell what was going on. I just sort of wandered away across the plains. I noticed after a few moments that I was alone, and it didn't really bother me. Wandering the world of the living as a dead man, and having absolutely no consequences, was just to strange. Everything I thought I knew was wrong... The world was not the place I thought it was... Nothing was certain... Nothing... Nothing....

It didn't even bother me when the Shadow surrounded me, or when the dark claws of one of the ninjas stretched out to draw me into their ranks. I caught myself reaching for their hand, but quickly drew back. Angry red eyes filled their ranks, and they hissed in fury. The beckoning hands turned to sharp claws. I guess they figured killing me would be just as good.

Then a golden samurai galloped past on a great steed, crystal naginata held high. The light blinded the creatures and made them retreat with a hiss. He brought the weapon down with a mighty cry, severing the head of the nearest three. I looked up at my rescuer and was surprised to see the face of Matsu Agetoki.

Not Tzurui. Matsu Agetoki. He was himself again.

"Garou," Agetoki called out. "You're alive!"

"Agetoki?" I asked, surprised. "You're not Tzurui anymore?"

"Didn't you hear?" he asked. "Kamoko's dead! I don't have to worry about her! No more need for Tzurui! I'm a 'spirit' now," he made little quotation marks with his fingers. "I figured that nobody would notice one more running around, right?"

"I guess so," I replied listlessly. I still felt a bit of the weakness that had come over me earlier, though now I was beginning to figure out exactly what it was.

"Garou, what's wrong?" asked Toku, stepping up beside me. His face was bloody and bruised, but he was still fighting. He looked worried. Matsu Turi was standing at his side. His eyes showed slight surprise for seeing me alive again, but he nodded in recognition. Behind them, I saw another figure slowly creeping away.

"Is that Sanzo?" I asked.

"I didn't mean it!" Sanzo cried out, turning suddenly, running towards me, and falling down at my feet. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry, Garou! I didn't mean to kill you! I was aiming at the guy behind you, I swear! I so didn't mean it! Please don't kick my-"

"Hey, it's okay," I said. "I know it was an accident. It's all right. I'm sorry I stopped you. It turns out that wasn't really Toturi after all, at least not the important part."

Sanzo looked up at me. "Keen," he replied. "Since you're dead, can I have your stuff, then?"

Matsu Turi kicked him in the back of the head and he fell face first in the mud.

"What's on your mind, Garou?" Turi asked shortly. "Those ninjas almost had you when Agetoki showed up. I've never seen you like that. Don't tell me you've given up?"

"I haven't given up," I said, shaking my head slowly. "But I think we've already lost."

My friends all looked at each other, then at me. "What are you talking about, Garou?" Toku asked. "Lost? We haven't lost! We're stronger than ever! Now that the spirits are here, we're stronger than ever! We can fight forever now, because we know we can't lose! We know we can't die!"

"Toku," I said slowly. "Tell me something. What, exactly, are the ninjas trying to do here?"

"They're trying to steal away Rokugan's identity," Toku said. "Wipe out the past so they can take the future. And we're stopping them!"

"Are we?" I asked.

"Garou," Agetoki glared down at me from his horse. "What are you getting at?"

"Think about it," I said. "We're all samurai. Samurai are taught not to fear death. Do any of you fear death now?"

"No," Turi said. "But I've never feared death."

"Ditto me," Agetoki said.

"Me either," Toku said. "There are far worse things out there than death."

"Yeah," Sanzo nodded. "Like Agetoki."

Agetoki nodded.

"Well, then you guys are the exception," I said. "You must be why we haven't lost entirely yet. But have you ever thought about what would happen to you if you died?" I asked. "Have you ever considered it?"

They were all quiet for a moment. "I have always endeavored not to think about it," Turi said. "My duty is too important."

"Exactly!" I pointed at him. "But do any of you worry about death now? Now that you've seen what the other side is like, do any of you care?"

Sanzo laughed. "Of course not," he said. "I've been considering getting killed myself, just so I can get that cool yellow glow you guys have going."

"Exactly," I nodded. "We were taught not to fear death, but we've never considered death to be meaningless. We were taught to be brave because what we stand for is too important for death to be an obstacle. The ninja have are trying to prove that nothing, not even death, not even life, is worth fighting for. If you know the guy guarding the gates of Jigoku, you can walk right back onto the earth with nothing but a healthy golden aura to show for your trouble. Think about it. I wouldn't have struggled so hard to leave a mark on the world if I'd known I could just stroll back home and keep living forever."

"I don't understand, Garou," Toku said. He looked really worried now.

"I'm saying that the greatest proof of a samurai's bravery is to risk his life," I replied. "The ninja have manipulated us into taking that away from ourselves, and damn it I helped them. If we don't get the spirit armies back where they belong and close the gates of Jigoku, everything that Rokugan stands for will be wiped away. Nothing we do will mean anything anymore. Eventually we'll all be just a bunch of dead men wandering around in a world we don't belong in."

Turi and Agetoki glanced at each other. Even Sanzo looked scared for the future. Toku just shook his head and closed his eyes. "Wait a minute," Toku said. "You mean by teaming up with our ancestors we're *losing!*"

"Well, I dunno," I replied. "You take a look at that and tell me if you think it's a good precedent for the future." I pointed at the ever-growing heap of Matsu Gohei and Abresax corpses, now well over thirty feet high. "That's the kind of world we're fighting for, gentlemen. We have to stop it."

"Seven Thunders," Toku breathed in terror. "We're destroying ourselves."

"Damn, that's smooth!" Sanzo said. "These Shadow guys are *cool!* I'd have never thought of anything this deep!"

"Sanzo, I've stepped in deeper horse patties than you," Agetoki snarled. "Now cool your fanboyish enthusiasm toward the embodiment of evil and help us think of something we can do to stop them."

Turi looked down at me, a sudden thoughtful look in his eye. "Wait a second, Garou," he said. "If we send the spirits back where they belong... that means that you'll have to go back to Jigoku, too."

"I know," I said, looking away. "I know."

Agetoki tugged at his mane with one hand. "Damn," he said. "Guess it's back to being Tzurui. It was so much fun to be me for a little while."

"Being a Monkey isn't so bad," Toku said.

Agetoki looked at him, looked away, and shivered.

"You're going back to stop the spirits, aren't you?" Toku asked. "You're going by yourself."

"Yeah, I am," I said. "The rest of you are still alive. Stay that way. Help the others pull through this."

Toku nodded. "I guess this is good-bye, then, Fuzake-sama," Toku said.

"Sama?" I asked. "You're my daimyo, remember, Toku?"

Toku shook his head. "Good-bye, Fuzake-sama," he said. "Remember us."

I nodded. I couldn't think of anything to say back to Toku. I didn't have the words. The Monkey Clan Champion just nodded a final time and walked away.

"Wow, he's just like a grown-up now," Sanzo said, watching Toku go.

"Shut up, Sanzo," Agetoki said, his voice choked.

"You take it easy, Agetoki," I said to the big Lion.

"Rokugan won't be the same without you," Agetoki said, stepping down from Car's back and bowing to me for the first and final time.

"You keep Lord Toku safe, 'Toki," I said.

"I swear that I will," Agetoki replied, his voice thick. He clapped me on the shoulder with one hand and turned away quickly, leading Car along with him. It looked like he was wiping his eyes, but I couldn't tell for sure.

"Garou," Matsu Turi said, stepping forward next. "I know that I haven't been with you as long as the others, but I have to say it's been... really fun."

"Yeah," I replied. "If anything, it's always been fun."

Turi looked thoughtful for a moment. "Hey, could you do me a favor?" he asked.

"Sure thing," I said.

"Say hi to Tsuko for me, if you see her on the other side, wouldja?" he asked. "Tell her I miss her."

"You miss her?" I said, surprised. "All she ever did was complain at you!"

"Yeah," he laughed and nodded. "I guess you get used to just about anything after a while. Tell her that I don't care what Toturi says, I still think she's got a booty that just don't quit."

"I'm not telling her that," I said.

"Yeah," Turi said. "It would probably be safer for you if you let me tell her that last part myself. Just tell her I'm thinking about her." Turi turned and left as well, as quickly as he had appeared at Morikage so long ago.

"Hey, man," Sanzo said, putting one hand on my shoulder. "It's been real, man. Sorry about chopping off your head and all that."

I looked up at him. "It's my own fault," I said. "You wouldn't have that Bloodsword if it wasn't for me."

"Yeah, I know," Sanzo said. "Don't worry, man, I'm good at shifting blame. I don't feel guilty for anything. Ever."

"Well, I guess that's a good thing," I said dubiously.

"Damn straight," he said. "I guess I'll see you real soon."

"What?" I said.

"You know the drill," Sanzo said with a smile. "I chase death with Blind Fury. You just got there first. I'll see you in a bit, right? Now go save the Empire, Garou. I know you can do it, and this is probably all your fault anyway."

"Thanks for the lukewarm vote of confidence," I said. "You're right, by the way. It *is* my fault."

"It's always your fault," Sanzo nodded, "Either yours or mine, or some combination of the two. Save me a place up there, and don't ever let them take your last province. Know what I mean?"

"No," I said, "And I hope I never do."

"Good answer," Sanzo said cryptically. He winked and walked away.

I stood there for a little while, watching the four of them fight their way through the army of darkness. I didn't know what might be in store for any of them, but I knew I wasn't a part of it any more. There was only one thing left to do. I looked down at the ground. Among the bodies strewn upon the battlefield, I found a discarded tetsubo. I lifted it in both hands and looked it over. There was no way it could be mine; the chances were too thin. O-Ushi had probably broken mine to pieces and threw it away a long time ago.

Still, it was nice to be carrying one again. I slung it over my shoulder and walked toward the army of the spirits. A shimmer of moonlight struck the ground beside me. A beautiful bald crystalline woman suddenly appeared, smiling and holding one hand out to me.

"Hitomi?" I asked, taking her hand. Her skin was very cool, like stone. "What are you doing here?"

"I made a mistake," she said. "Sorry about that running away and becoming a celestial body thing. I had the day off today, so I came down to see you. I thought you could use a friend."

"You had the day off?" I said, surprised. "The moon gets a day off?"

She nodded. "Three days a month. Don't tell me you didn't notice."

That had a certain logic to it.

"Yeah, being the Moon's much better than being the Sun," Hitomi said. "He only gets twelve hour breaks. He deserves it, though. Yakamo's always been a jerk. Funny thing, though... I remember him being taller."

"Er... I'm kind of busy right now, Hitomi," I said, looking around the battlefield. "Can this wait?"

"Ohh," she sounded disappointed. "I was hoping we could work things out, honey-biscuit."

"This is *really* important," I said. "End of the world type stuff."

"End of the world?" she squealed. "Groovy! Then I won't have to be the moon anymore! Where do we start? Should I kill stuff?"

"Um... I'm trying to *stop* the end of the world," I said.

"Oh, bugger," she replied, disappointed. "Well, if that's important to you, then I guess I'll help. What do we do?"

"Just follow me," I said, and kept marching toward Toturi. She linked my arm in hers and skipped along beside me.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" asked a voice from behind me.

I turned around and blinked in surprise. Ryoshun was sitting at the base of one of many heaps of Goheis and Abresaxes, smoking a cigar. He grinned up at us in a very self-satisfied way.

"Who's that?" Hitomi asked.

"The Tenth Kami!" Ryoshun announced with a flourish of his arms. "Banished to Jigoku while my brothers built Empires of light and darkness, I have ever watched from the outside, ever prepared to step forward and make my mark, ever prepared to protect the spirit world from the dangers of un-being! I am Ryoshun! I am the lost Kami!"

"Oh," Hitomi laughed. "You're like one of those guys that shows up after a band gets really big and tells everyone you're the original bass player, right? Like that guy from Megadeth?"

"I am not," Ryoshun looked a little embarrassed. "This is completely different. And he wasn't the bass player. Cliff Burton was the bass player."

"Sure," Hitomi replied. "Whatever."

"You!" I spat. "You let this happen! You helped me encourage this! The world is about to unravel and no one even knows what they're fighting for except the Shadow! We're all helping it win!"

Ryoshun nodded rapidly. "Um... yeah, stupid," he said. "You're fighting a creature of pure darkness, the living embodiment of lack of identity and selflessness. Did you think you could really beat it by beating it with a stick? No way, boy. You're going to have to *think* this time."

"That's no fair," Hitomi said. "Thinking is hard."

"A living lack of identity?" I said. "I thought we were fighting ninjas."

"Well, actually it's a living lack of identity," Ryoshun answered. "It's just shaped like ninjas."

"Why is it shaped like ninjas?" I asked.

"Well, duh!" Hitomi said. "Ninjas are cool."

"Ninjas *are* cool," Ryoshun agreed. "That's more significant than you think. Right now, the Shadow is systematically destroying Rokugan's concept of everything that's important - right down to the meaning of life and death. The way things look now, there are two choices. Either live forever as some sort of pathetic mockery of yourself... or join the shadow and get a cool ninja costume."

"Diabolical," I replied. "What do we do?"

"Well, there are a few things you can do," Ryoshun said. "Stopping Toturi - like you had planned to do till just now - isn't one of them. He's got too much on his mind, and he's a hero. Making Rokugan stop think of him as a benevolent savior is only going to make things worse. You've got to publicly de-pants the Shadow before it picks up even more steam."

"How do we do that?" I asked.

"Well, first of all, you could beat the living crap out of Goju Adorai," Ryoshun replied.

"I thought you said that the Shadow couldn't be defeated by beating it with a stick," I said.

"Not entirely," Ryoshun said. "But pounding the stuffing out of the main bad guy is always good for morale, and that's important right now. The most important thing, though, is to destroy the Shadow's identity the way they've destroyed Rokugan's."

"But the Shadow doesn't have an identity," I said.

"Right," Ryoshun said.

"So what are we supposed to do?" I asked.

Ryoshun laughed nervously. "Er.... I don't know. Seriously. If I knew, I'd be doing it myself. So, like, good luck guys." He disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Now I can see why his family never mentioned him," Hitomi said.

I nodded.

"Look, Garou!" Hitomi said suddenly. She pointed to a section of the battlefield where Goju Adorai and Yoritomo stood locked in combat. The ninja was easily swatting aside the Mantis' strongest blows. Around him, a circle of Shadow-spawned ninjas fought ferociously, pushing back the armies.

Sort of.

They weren't really pushing back the whole army. When you looked closely, you could see they were just sort of faking it against the living. Only the dead were really getting shoved back. The Shadow didn't want everyone dead - they wanted us to give up and join them while we were still alive. Indeed, I saw a lot of samurai falling down limply, surrendering as their entire concept of existence unraveled around them. Those samurai disappeared a moment later, leaving empty armor and discarded weapons behind. Every time that happened, a new eggshell face showed up in the Shadow army.

The dead had already served their purpose just by being here and the Shadow wanted nothing further from them. Even with Toturi, there was only so much the army of the dead could do against an army of unstoppable smoky monsters that grew in numbers every second. To put it simply, we were getting our butts kicked. Adorai picked up Yoritomo in both hands and body slammed him into the crowd. The ninjas cheered wildly and he strutted around the battlefield, flexing. He had to be stopped.

I'd never get through to Adorai dressed like I was, an obvious spirit. I looked around for a disguise. I pulled the loose kimono, armor, and mask from a dead Scorpion nearby, covering as much of myself as possible. My natural aversion to touching the dead had waned a little bit since I had become one of them. I turned to Hitomi. "How do I look?" I asked.

"It doesn't really fit you," she said. "Can't you find anything a little more stylish?"

"I can't afford to be too picky," I replied. "There's only so much style you can get when you're shopping from fresh corpses."

"Good point," she said.

I stepped forward and tried to force my way through the armies of living samurai, trying to get closer to Adorai. It looked like I was surrounded by Phoenix. One of them crashed into me directly. We both fell down in a heap.

"Hey!" the Phoenix shouted hysterically. "Get out of my way!'

"Tetsu!" I said, recognizing the voice. "Shiba Tetsu, it's you!"

"Eh?" he looked up at me. "Hochiu-sama, I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed bowing deeply. "I was backtracking to make certain that our reserve troops had not been attacked from behind, you see? I must have somehow been separated from you!"

"I'm not Isawa Hochiu," I said.

"You're not?" he replied.

"No!" I snapped and pulled off my mask. "Look at me, you idiot! Do I look like Isawa Hochiu?"

"Wow, what a clever disguise!" Tetsu remarked. "Are you a Scorpion now, Garou? You were trying to collect all the Clan affiliations or something, weren't you?"

"I guess I *am* a Scorpion," I replied. I looked down at myself. I was wearing a billowing red kimono and pointy black boots. The mask in my hand had the face of a smiling chipmunk. "Why did you think I look like Hochiu?"

"I dunno," Tetsu said. "It's mostly around the eyes."

"Those must be the clothes of a Shosuro," Hitomi said. "They're masters of disguise, you know."

"I don't look anything like Isawa Hochiu!" I said, looking at her.

"They're just that good," she nodded. "It's not so much the acting but the wardrobe. Best kept secret in show business."

"That's ridiculous, but I'm past the point of arguing," I replied.

"Who are you talking to?" Tetsu asked, looking around. He clearly didn't notice Hitomi.

"OOo! Don't tell him I'm here," Hitomi said quickly. "It's a god thing."

"Why not?" I asked. "Are you afraid that he'll be blinded by divine radiance or something?"

"Oh, you're so sweet," she smiled. "No, seriously, he probably shouldn't know that when gods visit Rokugan, it's mostly just to hit on cute samurai. It'll ruin his day."

"Good point," I said.

"Who are you talking to, Garou?" Tetsu repeated.

"Never mind," I said, putting the mask back on. "I'm not Garou, I'm Isawa Hochiu. Fuzake Garou is dead. What the heck is wrong with you, Tetsu?"

Tetsu blinked. "Wow... for a minute there, you looked like Fuzake Garou. You were having me on, weren't you, boss?"

"Sorry," I replied. "Now take me to Goju Adorai."

"Right on," he nodded. He turned and led the way through the army for us. Well, he didn't really lead. He just sort of followed us closely and pointed the way, and stopped to hide behind rocks now and then when the ninjas marched past. Tetsu was quite adept at finding places where the combat was thinnest. We kept moving, and suddenly I realized that Tetsu wasn't following me at all.

I was standing in an open field alone.

Well, not alone. Goju Adorai stood before me, his hands covered with blood and shadow. He smiled and stepped toward me. "You're next, little Phoenix?" His eyes fixed on the tetsubo, and flickered in recognition. He smiled. "No, not a Phoenix at all. Fuzake."

"It's over, Adorai," I said.

"Ahhh, so like your father," Adorai chuckled. "So full of anger. Give up this pathetic struggle and join me. Rule Rokugan by my side."

"I'll never rule the universe with you!" I cried and ran toward him with my tetsubo ready.

He clawed at me savagely, but I dodged aside, delivering a wicked blow the top of his head. Adorai staggered back and smiled, a trickle of blood dripping from his lip.

The battlefield suddenly went silent. I realized with a start that everyone was watching. Every last soul, living, dead, and other were watching our battle. "What in Jigoku is going on?" I whispered, looking around us in surprise.

"Exactly," Adorai chuckled, rising to his feet again. "Garou, you're an idiot. I've planned for this from the very beginning."

"Really?" I asked.

"Well, no," Adorai admitted. "But I'm supposed to say that. I'm a super-villain."

"Right," I said. "Then this is the part where I tell you that honor and justice will prevail and all that."

"Fair enough," Adorai answered. "But look around you, Garou. Realize the stakes here. What would happen if you defeated me now? What would happen if a spirit out of his true place in the Celestial Order saved the Empire? All of these people would have fought for nothing. Their struggle has meant nothing. Their battle has meant nothing. Their lives mean nothing. Their existence means nothing. Every time evil raises its hand some spirit long dead will just flutter down from the sky and deliver them to safety. There's no reason to be strong when the gods coddle you like that, is there? By all means, strike me down, Garou. Prove their worthlessness, spirit. GIVE THEM TO ME."

"No," I said, tossing my tetsubo aside. "I won't give you that victory. I'd die first."

"That works for me, too," Adorai laughed, and with a single swipe of his claws he opened my torso from sternum to stomach. I crumpled to the ground in pain, blood streaming over my hands as I tried vainly to hold in my life.

"Oh, stop being so dramatic," Adorai said, stepping closer to me. "You're already dead, this isn't anything new to you." He leaned close to me and whispered in my ear. "You know what the funny thing is? Those people out there think you're Isawa Hochiu. They think that the greatest hero of the Phoenix just fought me and died. See? I still win either way. You've accomplished nothing, Garou. You *are* nothing, Garou. As are we all. Anything left to say to that?"

I looked up at him and forced a smile. "They don't think you're Isawa Hochiu," I said.

"What?" Adorai laughed. "Why wouldn't they? The Scorpion actor's clothes you wear-"

"Isawa Hochiu is standing behind you," I said.

Adorai laughed. "I won't fall for that," he said.

Then Isawa Hochiu stabbed him from behind, in a most painful and unmentionable place. Adorai's eyes widened comically, and he disappeared in a puff of bedtime. Isawa Hochiu stomped a booted foot into Adorai's straw hat, spat on the ground, and walked away.

All around, the fighting started anew. The Shadow started to fall back, demoralized by the loss of their leader, their focus.

I smiled and lay back on the ground, waiting to return to Jigoku again. I felt a hand take mine and looked up into the eyes of Hitomi.

"Garou," she said, tears in her eyes.

"What's happening?" I said, my vision blurry. "I can't see."

"They're fighting back now," Hitomi said. "You did it."

"Are they winning?" I asked.

Hitomi paused. "They might have a chance. Hochiu just proved that they don't need the spirits to win. The Shadow is retreating, but it's still strong, still unnamed."

"Unnamed?" I asked, vision suddenly clearing.

"Yeah," Hitomi replied. "The Shadow has no name. That's why it's so powerful. That's why we can't beat it. That's why it's unstoppable."

"That's just silly," I whispered. "Why doesn't someone just give it a name..."

"Um..." Hitomi said. "I... er... I don't know. I'm sure somebody would have thought of that already. Shouldn't someone have thought of that already?

I looked at her meaningfully. "What do you think? Do people *ever* try the obvious when the difficult will do?"

"Good point," she admitted. "I guess it's worth a try. I guess I could name it. I'm a god and all that; people have to listen to me. What should I name it, honey-biscuit?"

"I don't know..." I said. "If it was me, though, I would name it something silly. Serves those ninja bastards right..."

"I'll consider that," she said. She smiled down at me, and everything went dark, since I was still dying and stuff.

"Good bye, Garou," Hitomi said. They were the last words I heard.

Until, of course, I popped up in the tunnel of light a few moments later. I looked forward, into the spiraling depths of the spirit world. I saw the armies of the dead marching triumphantly back to their proper place. I saw the Lying Darkness recede screaming in torment as it was drawn into reality, into identity, forever destroyed by Hitomi and Hochiu. I wondered vaguely what she had named it. I had been about to suggest "Tito" or "Buttsniff," but I hadn't had the breath. I prepared to step forward into Jigoku once more and go chill with Kisada for a while. He was such a cool guy.

"No, Garou," said a voice from somewhere within. "Your task is done. Your destiny has been met."

"What?" I replied, looking around. "What do you mean? Are you talking about enlightenment?"

"Something like that," a second voice replied, a woman's. "What I'm saying is that your part in this world is done. It is time for you to move on. Follow the stairs to your true destiny." A shimmering stairway appeared to my right, leading somewhere up above.

"My true destiny?" I asked, suddenly interested. "What could be greater than Rokugan?"

"You will see," replied the first voice. "You will see."

I began walking up the stairway. I could sense something up above. Something powerful... something strong... something right. I had never felt more in place in my entire life, except maybe during the old days back in high school with my friends. I paused for a moment, then turned regretfully to take my last look at the Emerald Empire.

So high up, the sun was a lot brighter than I expected. I was blinded by the glare, stumbled, and tumbled down the stairwell. The next thing I knew, I was falling.

"Oh well," said the voice above. "I guess he decided he'd rather be reincarnated down there than move on to an existence of true bliss."

"Yeah, well," said the other, "Some people are just stupid that way."

I tried to scream at the voices for help, but discovered to my surprise that my words were swallowed up by the sound of laughter.

The Sun's laughter.

I looked up at the sun as I fell, and Kakita Shijin's face was smiling back at me.

"I told you, Fuzake Garou!" he snarled. "If you're ever dead you can count on me dragging your miserable behind back to the world of the living!"

I kept falling, feeling a bit less like myself every second.

Soon enough, I was someone else entirely.